Should I divorce my husband because of in-laws?

rinkikhanna22 · Oct 27, 2012

Hi Ladies,

I am in intense emotional pain and need your help. I have tried talking to everybody but including my parents, all think that I should adjust.

I am married for almost 3 years now and in my initial 1.5 years of marriage, we were in India. That was the most painful period but I wasn't very attached to my husband because we had a arrange marriage and soon after my marriage my SIL moved with us, and she wa sleeping on our bed, despite that we had 3 bedroom appt. and beds in all rooms. She is extremely interfering and thinks that she has all the right on her brother. My husband also told me that its his sister right to sleep with him, so if I have problem, I can move out. I used to sleep in hall sometimes. (my SIL is unmarried and 27 years old). MY husband would make breakfast for her.. I'll make for him and myself.. he would spend all the time with her..

My SIL is so much pampered by my PILs and they would tell me to call her everyday.. I used to call sometimes.. They even complained to my parents that I don't call my SIL everyday.. MY FIL is equall interfering and he can't tolerate that I am getting close to their son.

So, many fights and dramas continued for long.. we moved to US 1.5 yeas back, but no improvement.. infact my SIL's and FIL's insecurity increased.. even my husband is now more guilty that he is away from his family.. One day after a big fight, we decided to go for a marriage councelling.. which resulted in just one benefit.. now my husband doesn't force me to talk to his sister (atleast directly).. So, he would make me call her only on b'days, festivals aniversary, and other family occasions (earlier I had to talk to her every weekend)

BUt then his relation with his sister is so unnatural.. she calls him at 1am/2am .. they talk almost everyday. He is doing MBA here and he doesn't have time for me .. but he is so particular about talking to his sister.. that hurts me so much.. MY SIL has a boyfriend too and might get married in another one year.. but she is more obsessed for her brother than her boyfriend.. she cries like hell when my husband is busy and doesn't get time to talk to her

Our bond and love has become stronger in last one year.. and I know he loves me.. but maybe because he is more attached to his sister, he can never give me prority in his life.. now that I love him and so have expectations from him.. I feel so much pain.. I can't tell her to talk to his sister less or not talk in midnight.. he won't take it..

I was in extreme depression for last 1 year because of all this.. started meditiaion 1-2 months back, which helps me little..

Now, I realize that I am wasting my life with him.. he doesn't need me and maybe I can put my life to better use.. I have had enough of abuses from my in-laws.. they even cursed me like .. "tune meri beti ko rulaya hai, tu kabhi khush nahi rahegi" and that too just because I din't call her for many days..

I have realized that I hate my SIL more than I love my husband.. I might be wrong, my own mother tells me that I am overreacting.. but I have tried hard.. I can't force myself to talk to my SIL anymore.. and if I don't my in-laws and husband won't leave me.. they would torture me as always..

Please suggest me what should I do? I don't have courage to get divorced though I want to..

Thanks!

sweetshreya · Oct 27, 2012

mg: 27 yr old SIL sleeping in your bed, between you and your husband????? Eeeewwwww. Thats disgusting. Did you tell this to your counselor? What did he/she say?

I don't know what to say here. You should talk to your husband and tell him your plans to separate. make him understand how unhealthy his obsession with his sister is. Also that it will cause unnecessary troubles in her marriage too. Tell him such closeness to a sister is unacceptable. One can still understand if they talk daily, but at 1-2am? And she crying if he doesn't? :spin

whatisaguytodo · Oct 27, 2012

sweetshreya said: ↑

SIL sleeping in your bed, between you and your husband?????
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SIL sleeping in bed with husband while she sleeps in other room. Your husband and SIL are sick in the head. There's probably something going on there. I'd divorce him.

jaanu143 · Oct 27, 2012

SIL calling at 1-2 am, sleeping in UR bed, calling daily, 27 years unmarried....oh god, how can any one pamper to that extent?

slimshady · Oct 27, 2012

Does the boyfriend know about this??? This is truely disgusting..she is 27.. Did u try telling her directly?? If u are getting bashed for not calling,which IMO is absurd, u might as well just do something and get bashed... Tell her how disgusting they both are n how u think this could be incest..before that tell her bf also about this...

anugamit · Oct 27, 2012

Like others said, it is really ridiculous that your 27-year-old SIL sleeps with you and your DH....I am shocked...I can only imagine what worse this relation can be.

Anyway, the only solution i think right now for you is, "going to your parents' house and stay there till your SIL gets married." If your DH really misses you, he will realize. If it is really difficult for you to divorce him, you have to do this. When your SIL's boyfriend comes to know about this in future, he will not allow SIL to come to her house. Things may change then.

Best luck.

MaritalBliss · Oct 27, 2012

I agree with the rest..so sickening sil..I would divorce if i were u. Does she still do that..

It's just so unnatural the reln that they share.

anugamit · Oct 27, 2012

Are they real brother and sister?

Topaz · Oct 27, 2012

A 27 year old sleeping in the same bed is down right WRONG, regardless of relationship.

I think you need to figure this out, because to us ILites it seems unnatural. Incase you uncover something you need to speak with your counsellor and maybe initiate separation. Remember he cannot break relationship with parents and/ or siblings so it is better you are not party to the bizarre happenings.

indianguy2010 · Oct 27, 2012

rinkikhanna22 said: ↑

Hi Ladies,

I am married for e my SIL moved with us, and she wa sleeping on our bed, despite that we had 3 bedroom appt. and beds in all rooms. She is extremely interfering and thinks that she has all the right on her brother. My husband also told me that its his sister right to sleep with him, so if I have problem, I can move out. I used to sleep in hall sometimes. (my SIL is unmarried and 27 years old).

MY
Please suggest me what should I do? ..

Thanks!
Click to expand...

One authentic study says incest exists even in most conservative cultures worldwide.......more commonly than anyone would imagine. The fact is very few people are willing to even talk about incestual relationships. If it is true that they sleep in the same bed, then. ........just be sure what is going on is not an incest betwwn your hubby and your SIL.