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Should I confront SIL?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sweetestshweta, Jan 12, 2012.

  1. sweetestshweta

    sweetestshweta Gold IL'ite

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    Hi ladies..
    Wish you all a very Happy New Year..
    I have a problem which is not a very big one but I'll like to share it with you all..
    I had called up my MIL and SIL to wish them on New Year eve.I had a very normal talk with my MIL.SIL,as soon as I wished her started cribbing about how overburdened she is with her household work and she is so tired of everything.I tried to take it very lightly and in I explained that we have many good things to look at in life and should try to be happy with whatever God has given us..
    Now both SIL and MIL talked to me normally then but they have created a big havoc after that.They called up BIL and Co sis and cried over phone and accused me of being rude and taunting them.BIL told DH about it and suggested that I should not be so harsh.My DH was already aware of this conversation and although he believes that I am not wrong in any manner but he is saying that he cannot confront his mom and sister.
    I am shocked and taken aback.SIL never calls me on any occasion and has really done all this in bad taste.I am feeling very bad because I didnt do anything to hurt her.From that day,everyone is thinking that she is right and I must have done something wrong.
    Now my dilemma is-how to make everyone understand that she is trying to create a rift between my DH and me and also is doing my character assassination.I also dont know why is she doing this.DH already knew about this conversation so he is not believing her but rest all family members are thinking she is right.MIL also is speaking negative about me.I really dont know what wrong did I do..
    Please tell me what to do in this case..
     
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  2. 2bkind

    2bkind Silver IL'ite

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    Hi..
    There are always under currents while dealing with one's in-laws, every each party usually tries to paint each and every conversation under their own preconceived notions or prejudices. In your case maybe your SIL is pessimistic and always try to find fault even in a well intended conversation from you. The most important person in this picture is your DH as long as you have his support you should not be concerned about the others.. I know it is easier said than done.. however by ignoring this issue and treating her normally in future dealing you can come out as the bigger person.. Also I remembered something I read in a book...All the bad incidents that happen in your life are best forgotten, if you keep replaying it in your mind its negativity will continue to hold you in its clasp even long after the incident is over... So, all the best and try and get through this phase with composure and your head held high.
     
  3. monita

    monita Platinum IL'ite

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    Sweetestshweta,
    From what you have written you have done nothing wrong. Some people just want to find faults with what others (especially Dils) are doing/saying and make mountains of mole hills, simply because they have nothing better to do. Your intention was good, but they see you as insensitive and rude. My suggestion would be forget what happened this time, also don't discuss it with your DH. From next time on, on any occasion, just wish them and just listen to whatever they say. Don't say anything. Just listen. Keep your conversation as short as possible.

    Also sometimes what we say might not be wrong, but the tone or the way of saying might come across as rude. May be, your SiL is really frustrated and tired. If you are not in the position to help her, just listen and be sympathetic. (From your previous posts, I know there is already a lot of bitterness because of SiL and as a human being it is not possible for you to ignore what she has done and what she is doing wrong.)So, just keep your distance and stay aloof.
     
  4. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    ss ...
    Do u practice this?
    U know its very easy to dish out advice but very hard to follow it...
    After all U have a loving DH and are more blessed than countless in the world who don't even have 2 meals a day ...but u still worry enough about a MIL and sil..and the maligning of ur name in the family circle,....why not be happy with what u have? Why does it bother u so?

    .
    People in difficult situations (esp ur sIL who is a widow) need an avenue to vent just like all of us.How about lending a sympathetic ear? I do it too..may be not on IL but with my close buddies and family..I vent..and during those times I dont need to hear back how I am in the 0.01% of the world..I want them to just hear me out...and nod quietly.
     
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  5. deepa10

    deepa10 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi SS,

    No,dont confront ur SIL. When its so clear that her character is like that she has a habit of cribbing about her problems, then what is the use in advising her?! If i were you, I will just call and wish her, and when she starts cribbing, will turn a deaf ear to her until she finish. This way, my mood will also not be spoiled, because no one likes to hear all this on a new year eve, and she also gets the feelign that she has told us something and we have listened .

    And even when some of your family members comes to know that mistake is hers, they will not support you. Its because of the situation she is in. So better avoid her. That will be the best solution to you. Your husband knows about this, so there is no point in making this a big issue. Just forget it and make sure you are not giving any advice to her next time. Anyway that is of no use!
     
  6. ars

    ars Platinum IL'ite

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    Sweetshwetha,
    You really are very sweet. Dear, you know your mil and sil already. Why do you expect a miracle from them. What did you think. Were you expecting them to tell everyone what a sweet dil you are that you called them to wish for newyears and consoled your sil when she was upset with her day to day work.
    Dear expectation brings miseries. Also, you can't please every tom dick aand harry in the world.
    As long as you are sincere, and good at heart in your deeds you should not give a damn what others say or think.
    Only good thing you did was you spoke in front of your h when you called them.
    From now on let that be your mantra always keep any communication you have with them in your husbands presence. If your H is not their to witness than just listen, nod your head, say oh I understand, and ignore the drama.
    Coming to your question. don't confront the new drama.
    Ignore and let them understand that you don't care what they are saying about you.
     
  7. malarun

    malarun Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Shwetha,

    I think it is wise to staty quite right now.
    If you confront them you are actaully inviting more problems in you life.
    Do you think by confronting about it you are going to get peace?
    When you confront if you say anything again they are going to blow it up and create a bigger havoc about it.
    Since you DH knows about this and believes you you can jsut let this incident pass away.

    Thanks
    Malar
     
  8. chandy939

    chandy939 Silver IL'ite

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    You have done your duty and your husband knows the truth.Why is he saying he can't confront them inspite of knowing the truth.Let him do this once and then every family member will know ur and DH's relation is strong and noone will take risk next time.Your DH should ask his brother to stay out of this issue.Its none of his business.
     
  9. DST

    DST Bronze IL'ite

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    Stay Calm, Relax and don't confront her. Your MIL/SIL will have the same opinions that your were harsh...sometimes,they may be jealous...Ignore....

    Don't worry about them as long as your DH believes you. Tell your DH that if anyone in the family complaints about you, let him get cleared with you to avoid any unnecessary things between you two.

    Ignorance is Bliss. Relax.
     
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  10. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Just stay clear of their path now. Don't initiate any conversations with them. If she decides to cry on your shoulders, just keep quiet, make polite noises (something like "what to do, life is like that ....), heave a loooooong sigh (so she thinks she has your sympathy) and move on.
     
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