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Should a women lie about her physical past with other Men?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by abcdguy, Feb 1, 2012.

Where you Honest with your Husband about your Past?

  1. Yes

    72.7%
  2. No

    27.3%
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  1. nowhere

    nowhere Senior IL'ite

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    Also there are many threads in the forum where women seem to worry about H's emotional affair or infatuations before marriage. I don't think it is unreasonable to expect a groom or bride without a physical past from a culture like ours. All I am saying is being considerate to the OP, their feelings.
     
  2. Nalini32

    Nalini32 Bronze IL'ite

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    I'll answer your question... I am in my 2nd marriage. My first marriage ended in divorce because of he was physically abusive and he was unfaithful to me many times during our marriage. After divorce when I met the guy that I am now married to, I was truthful to him about everything in my past. He accepted me with all my faults and damaged life. Till this day he never quarrels or tells me anything about my past. He has never brought up anything about my past because he is happy that I made a life with him and I love him and I am committed to him and he is sure of that so feels my past has no bearing on the good life that we have now so he chooses not to spoil our present and future with matters of the past. My husband is a gem of a guy and I appreciate him for that. I'm lucky that I could have been open with him and he has never thrown it back in my face in an argument. However, I know a lot of men cannot act in the same way hearing the truth about the past life of their spouses. Hence the reason why I said in my earlier post that past should be left in the past. You see, in my first marriage, my 1st husband had a very colorful past :) When we got married I was a virgin bride but he has many sexual relationships before me. Being the naive bride I wanted to know all about his past relationships, but after hearing of it all I realised some things are better left unknown because I started to feel inferior. Whenever we go out and we happened to accidentally see one of his old girlfriends, I found myself searching his face for his reaction towards her and putting meaning to whatever he said to her. After some time I think all that was just too bothersome to my mind. Nevertheless, I think knowing about his past was a good indicator for me to know when he started cheating on me during our marriage. The pattern of changing girlfriends continued even after our marriage. I know my post here might not be much of a help or the answer to what you are seeking, but at least you can know there are many others who have faced and are still facing similar situations as yours.
     
  3. SSC

    SSC Platinum IL'ite

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    I hope we stop this line of interrogation right here!
     
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  4. iyerponnu

    iyerponnu Gold IL'ite

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    Yep... well said SSC. :thumbsup
     
  5. iyerponnu

    iyerponnu Gold IL'ite

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    Nowhere - the OP has clearly said that he has accepted that his fiance has a past, though he found it difficult to digest it. And as to saying that 'that's the way a person has chosen to lead his or her life' seems to be slightly judgmental... as someone else pointed out, if a person has strong reservations about such things, it is better to clarify at the beginning. (Like you have done..)Sometimes, it is difficult for people to digest the fact that their potential partner has had a 'past', though they may not have had any firm views on it. I am sorry that your relationship didnt work out well, but at least you gave the other person an opportunity to be upfront about it.. it can hurt when you are lied to...

    Mythili
     
  6. IndianFunTube

    IndianFunTube New IL'ite

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    I'm not a ladies..errr.. lady but I would like to answer this question. You can never let go of your past, this is a fact. When I say this, I don't mean it in a scandalous way. One many no longer value his/her past but doesn't mean that the past can be completely erased from memory. Can I forget my ex? No ways. I have pleasant memories of her and there is nothing that can delete those memories from my head. Does this mean I'll be cheating on my future partner? NO. If one has a sexual past, sexual comparisons are obvious even though one may not admit it. Isn't it common sense? One question for you, After you get married, will you stop getting sexually attracted to the opposite sex? Will you stop fantasizing about Priyanka Chopra/Shriya Saran in your head? NO. You cannot chain someone else's memories and thoughts. You have to learn to deal with these things.

    And yes, like someone else mentioned before, the fact that you have so many questions clearly indicates that you've not moved on. Keep trying though. If you're unable to overcome it, I'd suggest you let go of this woman and find someone else for yourself. You're a different individual and there is no reason why you have to conform to everyone else's views. Do what suits you and makes you a happier man.
     
  7. abcdguy

    abcdguy Silver IL'ite

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    Priya16,

    I find that strange that you say that. I would think it would work more towards an advantage personally. The issue about men being jealous about a womens past roots back to India's very conservervative background and history. Most men in India have huge issues with sexuality and the way they view a women's virginity.

    In the last 10 - 20 years India has become more Westernized (American), which has allowed many of you to be more honest with your husbands about these issues. If anything, it is the American philosphy that has greatly helped many Indian women become more honest and more liberated with their bodies.

    None taken, but you perhaps are more confused then even me?

    ABCDGUy


     
  8. abcdguy

    abcdguy Silver IL'ite

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    Dear SSC,

    It isn't a line of interogation, Its a discussion forum and we (males) are trying to understand how you guys think. Lets be honest Men and women think very differently about all sort of things and place a lot of different values.

    ABCDGUY
     
  9. nowhere

    nowhere Senior IL'ite

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    Mythili,
    by OP i didn't mean abcd guy nor I was judgmental of him. I meant the potential partner who is on the receiving end.
     
  10. IndianFunTube

    IndianFunTube New IL'ite

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    Jealousy has nothing to do with India's specific history or culture. It's a universal human trait. Many westerners too have a tough time dealing with their partner's past. Do a Google search 'past affairs bothering me'. You'll find millions of posts like this one from people of different nationalities ranging from Japan to America.
     
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