Should a women lie about her physical past with other Men?

Lakshmi, Looks like you on this forum for bashing men. I have seen in another thread that you like bashing men. Its not that men can hide any number of relationships. Please read the subject of the thread and post accordingly. We have to provide feedback since it says " Should Women lie about her Physical past with other men". We can refer men in our comments but we don't need to bash them and put them in a spot. Please also read my response to this thread. I have made few comments on this thread. You are right. One has to live the present and plan for the future with commitment. Past is gone. You cannot go in past and undone things that you have done.

I am not scolding you but just want to make sure we talk in relation to the thread. Women can also hide any number of relationships. But when she is asked, its upto her how she responds. Same applies for men. Since we Indians are very sensitive about this "physical" thing, I think men/women should keep quiet about past relationships because it may create problems in married life in future. Don't do anything to create unnecessary problems. Just live a healthy, fun filled, married life.

But yes if asked about the past, its upto husband/wife how they want to reply. They need to convince the other spouse that past means nothing to them and they are committed to the present and future.

No offence to anyone or to Lakshmi. I hope you agree with me

 

Both, me and my BF havent had any prior relationships. So no past to be shared. But if he had one, I would not want to know the details of the relationship or the break up. If he was upfront to me to tell me that he had a past, and it did not work out, thats all that I would want to know. A past that I'm not a part of, bothers me the least. His past is not any benchmark for me to judge him with.

 

Well said SSC. I like your views

 

SSC hypothetical reply. We'll see how your reply would be if it had really happened to you!

Indianinbayarea: You seem to be giving your suggestions so life can be smooth!
Everyone has different values. Some may agree to spouse's past and some won't. So don't keep advising that everyone should 'hide'. Someday things like this may come out in open. Why bringing scapegoats into the marriage by hiding facts. Only a person who felt heartache will know how it is to be there!

 

Nowhere - Everyone does not have different values. I am talking about indians and they being sensitive to this physical thing. If there is an option not to tell your spouse, then take it.

I don't think you read my post completely and even if you did, you did not understand it correctly. Looks like you felt I am asking everyone to hide about your past. Wrong....!!

I am saying if your spouse asked about ur past, its upto boy/girl how they want to tell it.

If they don't ask about your past- i am saying don't dig up buried graves. Do you really want to tell them upfront about ur past ( if you had any physical relationship with anyone) and screw up a good marriage? I feel if life is going smoothly why should we bring up something from the past and ruin it.
Please read my post, understand and then comment.

There is a different between lying, hiding and keeping quiet.

Lying - If someone asks and you lie, its lying

Hiding - If someone asks and you lie, you hide by telling them that no thats not true or thats not correct. If you want to be upfront and tell about your past, its upto that person, its an individual choice. My only concern is how will husband or wife react?

Keeping quiet - No one asks you and no one cares what was your past so we keep quiet assuming they are ok with whatever was our past. When they ask then we tell them appropriately.

Thin line between hiding and keeping quiet.

 

Nowhere, the OP never said he cares only for replies from people who have experienced it! So hypothetical reply to a hypothetical question!

 

Particularly in arranged marriages, it is difficult to ask beyond a certain limit. If someone tries to avoid a question (as if it weren't applicable), then intentional silence = lying. Manipulating someone for one's own benefit! Here, the person wants to get married, no matter his/her past. Knows clearly it is likely that the potential partner will opt out. So KEEPS silent. This does not mean the potential partner did not want to know about the past to make a decision for his or her own future!
If you think keeping quiet is 'beneficial', yes it is beneficial for the offending party.
As I said before, dictionaries differ, which you don't seem to understand! You think others DON't understand, and looks like you are the only person here with CLEAR understanding. Anyways, I think we are digressing, and probably others should jump onto answering the actual question posted by abcd

 

KEEPING QUIET is NOT equal to DOESN"T CARE.
Particularly in arranged marriages, girls and grooms don't expect their potential partners to be having loads of experience sleeping with others. For example, if the girl/groom is shy, he/she might not have the guts to ask about this. It DOES NOT mean that he/she does not care! And people do exist like this. Let's not talk about modernity and trends here.

 

I disagree. I don't think if the groom or girls are shy, does not mean they don't have guts to ask about this. They are shy because they are meeting each other for the first time. Thats why they are shy and have to maintain the sanity. My feeling is since the proposal comes and its a matter of respect that one family comes to another family for tea and refreshments and to do the proposal, hence the groom and girl dont ask " Hey did you sleep with anyone in the past". Remember this is just the first meeeting. If everything goes alright then 2nd, 3rd meeting follows between only the groom and girl

Then they might ask each other about it. or they may not ask about it because even if someone had slept with someone, that like each other and they don't care. They are dreaming about a nice present and future together. But if they ask its upto the groom and the girl how thay want to say it and convince the other person that it was past and it meant nothing etc etc.

How many of grooms and girls are upfront and say that hey i had a physical relation with someone? None. Some lie, some keep quiet.

Its very easy to preach and say " If i had a physical affair in the past I would have told my husband/wife about it" But no one does. As I said we indians are very sensitive about this. We know the outcome of this. We are not US?UK westerners for whom having sexual relations does not matter. Its part of life.

Again I think you don't understand what I am trying to tell you so I will now not respond to your post.

 

I don't care if you respond or not. Just the way you are expressing your ideas, i am doing the same. I can't understand your arrogance for saying others are NOT understanding. Yes that I can't understand. How do you know all the people who got married through arranged marriages never discussed their past. There are two sides to the coin! All I saying is it is better to be honest before entering into life long relationships. Otherwise it ends up with broken hearts and unnecessary complications.