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Should a women lie about her physical past with other Men?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by abcdguy, Feb 1, 2012.

Where you Honest with your Husband about your Past?

  1. Yes

    72.7%
  2. No

    27.3%
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  1. abcdguy

    abcdguy Silver IL'ite

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    Hey Girls,

    Do you think a women should lie about her past with the other men she had in her life. How many of you have been honest with your spouse? My fiance was honest with me, and for several months, I had a very hard time dealing with the men she had been with before myself.

    Finally, after MONTHS of fights and etc, I finally had to make a choice. Either I forgive and move on or I find someone else. I chose to forgive her and move on.


    ABCDGuy
     
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  2. SreeSri

    SreeSri Gold IL'ite

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    I am not a Gurl, I am a guy..
    Have you heard the famous back street boys song.. "I dont care who you are, where you are from, what you do.. as long as you love me...."

    Thats the way to go..
    check if she is honestly in love with you.. if yes.. thinking about physical etc is non-sense for a matured mind...
    If she is virgin but with you by having a no love or dislike on you.. its a hell.. compared to what is in your mind right now.. :)
    Good luck ...
     
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  3. passionate89

    passionate89 Platinum IL'ite

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    If a girl does not tell her past (if its bitter and knows mistake is on her side as well) and if her hubby finds it out, then what would be her condition? Hubby will throw her out for hiding things and would think she is fake with her hubby.

    If a girl tells about her past to hubby, one corner of his heart he would feel that his DW did not hide things and might choose to forgive her and go. Few of the men cannot take certain things, they would want to fight and move on and would also start doubting her later on.

    If she is very true to you now and dedicated and keeps you happy in all the ways, just don't keep thinking about it and spoil your life and relationship with her and give tension to family as well. Forgive her! and live happily with her!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Hiding is very dangerous than telling the truth and facing any kind of consequences. This is what I feel.
     
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  4. Nalini32

    Nalini32 Bronze IL'ite

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    I think it's best that the past be left in the past and that goes for both men and women. Personally, I would rather not hear from my spouse about his past relationships with other women. If he tells me that his ex girlfriends were Jenny or Neha or Amanda or whoever, it's ok, but I don't want to know the personal details of the relationship because I know it would affect our personal relationship, especially in the bedroom. The human mind is very strange, every time you are being intimate with your spouse, it is then at that time the memory of him being intimate with his ex would pop into your mind. So to prevent that and have a healthy fresh relationship I think past should be left in the past.
     
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  5. malaswami

    malaswami Platinum IL'ite

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    Past is past always.....
    Think of future and act on wat shud be done for better living...
    thats my view.....
     
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  6. Naksh

    Naksh Platinum IL'ite

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    ABCD - where do you get off "forgiving" your fiance....for what her past is - when you were no way related to her?

    You need some serios gyan bhanting session.:)..hold on you - i will come back to write more...need to go now :)

    and by the way - you still have that past thing stuck in your mind.....you have not "moved" on...if you dint know
     
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  7. abcdguy

    abcdguy Silver IL'ite

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    Naksh,

    The issue of Forgiveness also comes from the concepts of acceptance. The past has a unique characteristic that it can't be changed no matter how much you talk about it. No matter how much you fight about it and no matter how much you try to compare it to your own past (which in my case isn't really that bad!) It is something that will ALWAYS be there and is something that you must accept it and move on.

    In my case, after MONTHS of fighting, I have came to terms with her past. What bothered me is not that she had a past, but in many ways I really did not. I choose to not do certain things even to determent of my relationship.
     
  8. abcdguy

    abcdguy Silver IL'ite

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    I can't help but notice how many people avoided the question I asked.

    1. How many of you were honest about your past and what you did with other people with your current spouse?

    Everyone here has claimed how the past isn't important and how the past should be something that you move beyond, but I can't help but notice how no one actually answered the question at hand.
     
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2012
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  9. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Thats a choice u made and u are basically indirectly holding her responsible for it.

    Placing oneself on a moral higher ground in a relationship is not healthy.
     
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  10. Naksh

    Naksh Platinum IL'ite

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    ABCD - your past was clear, thats good and its very reasonable if you wanted someone with similar lifestyle for a partner.Thats the way you like it, its justified. Thing is you are wanting n trying to 'accept' it...why frend? you have eevery right to break the ties with your fiance (if you both have not gone deep into this relation emotionally, better late than never and suffer later). Easier said than done , yep i know breaking this involves parents and all thousand one other complications, but you have to make your choice HERE not in whther or not you can forgive and accept or move on.

    No ABCD. I do not want you to see what i see, every perosn has his/her own way of looking at things and nothign is right or worng as long as you are not harming others. Here there is a minute very minute i say possibility of harming your's n her selfesteeem down the line should things go worng. During courtship period when things are all rosy and no responsibilities on your/her shoulders, you felt it difficult to forget. Promise yourself - you would not say 'that is why so n so person left you' durign your fights post marriage, it will hit so hard on her selfesteem and confidence n what not, which will inturn hurt you. Be honest to youseself buddy, if you think it will not matter to you in future now that you have accepted it..then go jolly ahead , my Congratulations on your new relation.

    you know yourself the best, so think well. Dont come under conclusion that you cannot break it now so you have to accept it.
     
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