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Short Story - The Battle - Scene 2

Discussion in 'Stories (Fiction)' started by Preethi, Sep 18, 2006.

  1. Preethi

    Preethi Gold IL'ite

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    The Battle - Scene II

    Atul was such a wondering darling and had been his only inspiration to live, after his wife latha passed away giving birth to him. Viswanath had been a mother and father to him and more a friend in supporting him in all his way to growth. He was everything to Atul, who wanted to become a doctor and follow his father in his footsteps. With all the hopes and dreams of both turning into reality, Atul’s separation from his life now, struck Viswanath like tsunami, unexpected, washing away all this hopes, dreams, ambitions, and left him with a big void in his life.

    Viswanath’s fatherly vendetta against Pradeep was battling with his doctor’s duty consciousness towards Pradeep. He had a difficult battle to fight and didn’t know which one he wanted to win at the end.

    After what seemed to be ageless hours of thinking, finally Vishwanath got up from his chair, went to the room where his son’s body was kept, looked over it for a long moment and sighed and exited the room.

    Finally, the doctor in him won the father in him.

    Scene III

    Viswanathan turned and went into the operation theatre dressed up for the surgery. Meanwhile, Atul’s murder was hooked up as accident and necessary documents prepared, to avoid any political scandal.

    After struggling hard for 4 hours to save the life of the boy who had killed his son, Viswanath emerged from the operation theatre announcing that the operation was successful. However Pradeep was comatosed, due to the severe impact of the head injury and had to be kept in ICU till he recovered, but Viswanath assured the father of Pradeep that he would come out of coma soon.

    Viswanathan’s final cord of control snapped when he saw the death certificate of his son stated as an accident. He knew that Atul wont rest in peace for the injustice committed to him and blamed himself for being so helpless and handicapped, unable to fight against the unjust done to him. His urge to avenge Pradeep for the death of his son was blazing like a fire in him.

    Scene IV

    It was 10th day after Atul’s passing away and just when Viswanath was completing all the rituals that had to be conducted for his son with his family and friends, he got the call from the hospital with the news of Pradeep gaining conscious. His heart was in a state of volcanic eruption, which erupted more and more guilt with every passing day for saving pradeep, and nothing could bring it under control except one thought, which Viswanath was well aware of and was unable to come to terms with.

    Viswanath paid regular visits to Pradeep, as he was under his care at the hospital, though he was performing his duties as a doctor sincerely towards him, the vengeance he had culminated against him kept increasing every time he looked at him. Inwardly, Viswanathan was working towards bringing the battle to and end and cooling the fire.

    A month had passed by…

    Scene V

    Today is the last day for Pradeep at the hospital. He was getting ready to be discharged.

    Viswanath’s fatherly vengeance winning over his doctorly commitment was possible only today. He had finally made up his mind. He opened the cupboard of his desk and took out the little vial out and injected its contents into the syringe and headed for Pradeep’s room.

    When he slowly opened the door to Pradeep’s room, he found him with his father. Viswanathan could see Pradeep’s father’s face luminated with happiness for his son’s recovery, which he knew he cannot have for rest of his life. He was over the phone giving instructions to his family to prepare the household to welcome Pradeep after his ordeal; after all, it’s Pradeep’s second life after fighting death.

    Going near Pradeep, Viswanath thought of his son Atul and closed his eye for a moment and slowly took out the injection from his coat pocket and injected it into his veins, this was the final injection to Pradeep, when he injected the syringe into his body, he felt a feel of soothing and the eruption in him slowly dying…he knew now the battle has come to an end. He has won!

    When he was about to leave, Pradeep unexpectedly bent down, held his legs tight and started to cry hysterically. Pradeep in all his days of admittance in the hospital and during numerous encounters with Viswanath for his treatment has never spoken a word to him. But today, when he knew he would not be seeing Viswanath any more, he couldn’t control himself any longer. All these days his guilt had made him feel too small in front of Viswanath, who appeared like god to him, saving his life, despite he taking the life of his son. His father’s money and power gave him freedom and had saved him from imprisonment, but he felt himself imprisoned by his consciousness and that could be freed only through Viswanath pardoning him for the sin he had committed.

    Viswanath didn’t expect this outcry from Pradeep, all along he looked upon him has a criminal and inhumane having no heart to realize the brutality of his deed, but when he saw Pradeep’s guilty looks and his desperate cry seeking pardon, he felt a change of feelings for him. Have I committed a great sin now, the shocked Viswanath thought to himself?

    Scene VI

    Viswanath was looking outside his room window and downstairs he saw Pradeep leaving the hospital with his father hand in hand and waving at him. Viswanath waved back with a smile on his face and after he lost sight of Pradeep’s car, came back to his desk and sat down and looked at Atul’s photograph for a long moment.

    Killing Pradeep would not bring Atul back to life. The moment he saw the happiness on Pradeep’s father’s face when he entered his room, Viswanath remembered he himself was a father to a son, and killing Pradeep would be more debasing than Pradeep killing Atul and when Pradeep touched his feet asking for forgiveness, he felt the volcanic eruption within him cooling down and slowly fading away and thought he deserve to be alive, for he has realized his mistake. Forgiveness is the best punishment he could give to pradeep at that moment.

    With an impulse of vengeance, he didn’t want Pradeep father to go through what he is going through now - The pain of life without his son. No father in this world deserves that kind of a punishment.

    Atul is always alive in his memories; Viswanath has decided to lead rest of his life with the fond memories of his son.

    He took the syringe filled with the fluid that was meant to end Pradeep’s life from his coat pocket, which he had not used at all and threw it into the dustbin.

    Finally, The father in him won the doctor in him.

    *******
     
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  2. varalotti

    varalotti Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    A Beautiful Story, Preethi!

    Dear Preethi,

    My daughter's name is Preethi and I feel I am addressing this reply to her. Preethi, you have written a very good story.

    You have chosen a right plot and have built up enough conflict and finally resolved the conflict in an unexpected way.

    Great story, Preethi. I can't believe you are an amateur writer. You can start contributing to magazines, if you have not already done so far.

    Wish you a very bright career in writing,
    Varalotti
     
  3. sudhavnarasimhan

    sudhavnarasimhan Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Preethi,

    Just finished reading your short story....was a good one. The ffeelings of a father and theduty of a doctor 'struggle' was well brought out.....good that he forgave the boy.....shows your maturity at handling such themes also.....

    keep up the good work and do post more short stories for us too!
     
  4. Chitvish

    Chitvish Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    My dear Preethi !

    I am sure you are blessed by your Ishta Devata - Aanji !
    You have brought out the deeper subtle emotions of Vishwanath , gradually but beautifully.
    The two captions at the ends " The father in him...." & later "The doctor in him... " were beautifully written.
    Pray Aanji bless you with more & more success in your endeavours, my dear Preethi !
    Love & regards,
    Chithra.
     
  5. cheer

    cheer Silver IL'ite

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    Great Story

    Dear Preethi,

    Very touchy story. It really takes a courage to do what doctor did. Wonderful Story:clap
     
  6. purnima_2k

    purnima_2k Senior IL'ite

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    touched my heart preethi!!

    Hats off to you!!! i loved it! truly heart warming story!! pls contribute more!!!

    Purnima
     
  7. Preethi

    Preethi Gold IL'ite

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    Thank You, Mr. Varalotti

    Mr. Varalotti,

    First of all its nice to know that you're daugher too has my name....my wishes to her for a great future.

    Thanks a lot for your feedback. Yours was the first feedback that I received.

    Frankly speaking, the thought to publish my story on a website (normally I share my work only with family and friends) occured to me after seeing your set of stories on the web. Probably, in some way you inspired me to do what I did..Thanks for that inspiration !!

    I haven't taken my writing very serious yet. I have just done about 2-3 stories and couple of book and movie reviews and that's it. Looking at the work of great Jamabavaans like you in field of creative writing, I feel I still have a long way to go to make myself a professional and only then can think of contributing my article to maganizes / papers etc.

    Seeing the feedback for my story, has made me feel good and boosted my spirits. I shall surely continue to write more and more of stories and keep improving my creative skills in the future. And sure will share my work with you all too.

    Thanks for those encouraging words..!

    I have gone thro some your stories posted in this website. They are just too good.....I only wish I could work towards becoming a writer like you (atleast match to 50% of your abilities)...You're doing a great job and Hat's off to you for that !!

    Regards,
    Preethi
     
  8. Preethi

    Preethi Gold IL'ite

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    Thank You, Sudha

    Hi Sudha,

    Thanks for your comments. I was really flattered to see your words...Am always in the learning process, Surely will contribute more stories in this forum in the future and try to always give the best of whatever I can.

    Wishing you a great day !

    Regards,
    Preethi
     
  9. Preethi

    Preethi Gold IL'ite

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    My humble Thanks, Chitra

    Dear Chitra,

    Thanks for your feedback. Yah, as you said, by grace of Aanji, let me hope I could do better things not just in field of writing, but in other walks of life too.

    And pray that his blessings are bestowed on everyone around me too.

    Seeing encouragement from elderly members like you, really makes a difference !

    Regards,
    Preethi
     
  10. Preethi

    Preethi Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks, Cheer

    Hi Cheer,

    Thanks for your reply.The Original Plot at the initial stage of developing this story was - Dr. Viswanath to kill Pradeep, but later changed my mind about it. I strongly belive that the best Punishment that we could give a sinned person is Forgiveness , so let Dr. forgive Pradeep at the end and also to justify Vishwanath as a Doctor and Father, I felt the best way to do it is to forgive Pradeep..I could think of no better ending than this.

    By the Way, Cheer - Is that your real name ???

    Regards,
    Preethi
     

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