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Short Story - The Avatar

Discussion in 'Stories (Fiction)' started by Preethi, Nov 6, 2006.

  1. Preethi

    Preethi Gold IL'ite

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    Dear IndusLadies,

    I am back with another one page short story called the "The Avatar". Hoping to hear the honest feedbacks from you for the story. I am still an amateur, so have no high expectations before you start ! :tongue

    Love,
    Preethi
    --------------------------------------------------------------

    The Avatar

    Chennai, Saturday, Morning 6:00 A.M.


    In the early morning hours of Saturday, the temple was thronged with huge crowd varying from children to elderly people, standing in the long queue, pushing against each other to see, through the chain of protection laid across the threshold of the Krishna temple, the fateful sight.

    On the previous evening at the same Krishna temple, the majority of the same crowd had gathered with deepest enthusiasm and devotion for a celebration to commemorate the anniversary of the temple and to see the glitter of the golden statue of Lord Krishna, decked up with priceless precious stones. In the place where the effulgent Krishna stood the previous night, is now filled with vacuum. After the temple was locked, some anti-social activist group had found their way inside and had stolen the Lord and his jewels. Now the place in and around the temple is bustling with police and trained dogs going from pillar-to-post to catch any trace of the culprits and investigating for any clue. All check-post has been alerted and every place in the city were sealed with tight security and watched meticulously for identification of any possible suspects. There is no way the gang could escape.


    Chennai, Sunday, Morning 6:00 A.M.

    The dark and stout figure dressed in dirty attire patched up to cover the torn, with a fishing net and sack in hand, started the motorboat into the sea, with his fellow-mates boarding into it. They looked unmistakenably like fishermen starting their day into the deep sea to catch something big for the day. There were other fisherman’s around too, getting ready to start their boats into the blue sea for a good catch. When the motorboat had traveled miles into the calm sea and was within the safety zone away from the sea patrol, everyone on board relaxed and the leader of the gang opened the secret compartment, by pulling the small hook-like protrusion from the lower corner of the boat, which looked like an unfixed nail, calling for no attention.

    Lo and behold! Out came the sparkle, which made everyone’s eyes shrink and nictitate. Behind the sparkle lay the dazzling sight of the idol of Lord Krishna with his precious jewels. The entire gang roared with laughter seeing the idol and shared a bottle of Champaign to celebrate their successful mission. The robbery was planned so well and executed with extreme caution and care that they left behind no clue and now they are heading towards safety and freedom. With the boat steering towards Srilanka, where arrangements has been made for their escape and travel to foreign country with their loot, the gang was priding about their fortune. The leader of the gang holding the idol of Lord Krishna in hand criticized loudly, “Hey Krishna! People believe you’re a destroyer of evil, they say you cannot stand atrocities by wrongdoers. What are you going to do to us now? Going to create any new avatar to split the sea into two to destroy us???”. He let out a menacing laugh. The entire gang joined him with their ominous laughs and taunts, enjoying the plight of the helpless god in their mercy.

    The gang is unaware that a new avatar has already been created deep down the sea, which has split the sea into two and it’s on its way to destroy them soon.

    The new avatar is called Tsunami and it is savagely heading towards the boat from a very far-away distance.

    The day is the morning of December 26th, 2004.

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  2. safa

    safa Bronze IL'ite

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    New Avatar..

    Dear Preethi, you have written well..It is a really good message to all of those who disbelieve ...
    preethi, I recommend you to watch a Malayalam movie, named Nandhanam. It is the story of an orphan girl who took Krishna, as her guardian and at last...you watch it , am sure you will love it..take one with Eng subtitles if you get there.
     
  3. Preethi

    Preethi Gold IL'ite

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    Will try to watch !

    Dear Seena,

    Thanks for the prompt reply and the feedback ! Will try to get the movie here and watch and let you know !

    Love,
    Preethi
     
  4. Kamla

    Kamla Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    A good attempt

    Dear Preethi,

    A good short story with a moral. Nice one. This once again confirms the belief of many who think natural catastrophies like Tsunami is the earth's revolt against the growing sins on her soil!

    L, Kamla
     
  5. Preethi

    Preethi Gold IL'ite

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    I agree with you, Kamla !

    Dear Kamla,

    Thanks for the response and feedback ! I too believe to an extent the natural catastrophe are due to the increasing sins that human's commit, though it has many scientific justifications !

    Tsunami is a paradox in my plot. It's an Avatar of "Good" to the Sinners and a Avatar of "Bad" to Non-Sinners.

    Regards,
    Preethi
     
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2006
  6. sudhavnarasimhan

    sudhavnarasimhan Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Preethi,

    That was well conceived plot....nice to feel that these thieves will be caught....but i wonder where the idol of Krishna will land.....hopefully in the hands of a believer i guess.
    Anyway, a good story, keep it coming.....
     
  7. cheer

    cheer Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Preethi,

    Nice story. Keep it up:clap .
     
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2006
  8. Preethi

    Preethi Gold IL'ite

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    Good Question, Sudha

    Dear Sudha,

    That was a good question from you ! "where the idol of Krishna will land" ?

    This question can be answered only by Krishna :tongue !

    Well, The Avatar is just to reveal the new incarnation that god takes to avenge the wrongdoers !

    Being the Almighty, Lord Krishna can find his way back to the shore or land where he wants himself to be, I guess... :) :)

    Anywayz, Thanks For the feedback........

    Love,
    Preethi
     
  9. tsseethalakshmi

    tsseethalakshmi Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Preethi

    Good story.Your immagination connecting tsunami is amazing.
    I recently visited Kamacura in Japan where a very Big metal statue of Buddha is still there in the open air.I went inside the statue.The Buddha vihar was distryed during tsunami in the year 1700 it is said.The lotus petals [three] are there found after tsunami.If it is in india the place will be emty soon.
    I also saw that the gas cylinder is out side of every house and connected by pipe.If it is in India the gas cylinder will disppeared soon.Why I write this because when the new gas cylinder required the empty cylinder should be replaced.We could not kept it out side of the house.Nowadays cylinder theft is reported frequently.
    tsseethalakshmi
     
  10. Preethi

    Preethi Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks Cheer and Seethalakshmi

    Dear Cheer and Seethalakshmi,

    Thanks for both your feedbacks and reply !

    Seetha, I didn't know what was Tsunami until couple of years back, and to imagine its impact ! It's unthinkable..I am surprised to hear tsunami seems to be invading earth so many years ago !

    Japan has always been suseptible to so many natural and man-made calamities yet it's growth against all such natural and man-made wrath always stuns me ! It's interesting to hear cylinder concept in Japan and you are very true about what you said abt the same in India :)

    Love,
    Preethi
     

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