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SHOCK & DISMAL as a dearest relative turns a thief in family's times of distress!

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by drnamshara, Oct 19, 2014.

  1. drnamshara

    drnamshara Gold IL'ite

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    Long post...Need your ever valuable advises...

    This is regarding my moms SIL...(Dads little cousin sister who is the nearest and dearest to him) She is very helpful in nature and we all know that she is all so beauty conscious...and always inquisitive and goes gaga over all family member's beauty products and fashion accessories at every family meets...

    EVENT ONE:
    It so happened after my engagement, as it was in a different city my family of 4, were put up at my moms sisters place and this particular FEMALE also stayed back with us for a day...My sis was packing her bags and all things thrown around including her cosmetics, went to have a shower and came back to find some missing...She hushed it to me...
    and as we both knew "who" it could be, we waited for the right moment and on the pretext of changing cloths we closed the room door and checked the FEMALE's bag!!
    No guesses....we found them all right in there!! We made mom and aunt cautious about it...only to find this FEMALE go next into the room and lock herself up for a while god knows why!!!
    This incident was 2 yrs ago...and following this we were pretty cautious to keep an eye when ever she was around!

    CURRENT EVENTS:

    Sad to share that my dad had a small stroke and mild paralysis last month and long hospitalization...mom herself with long term shoulder ailments and work deadlines could not do much alone...and once dad was discharged me and sis took turns to apply leave at work and go home to be by thier side on a week to week basis...

    This incident happened when I went back to hometown for the 2nd time...
    On reaching home, grandpa announced that this FEMALE would also be coming down for a weeks time!!! Though me and my sis were totally against it, we had no choice as dad was overwhelmed at the very news of her coming and became a bit more active and out of bed!!! And once she came he started improving and became chirpy and chirpier and even started walking with support!!! We were so delighted at the bro-sis healing bond!

    Previous night of her leaving back, mom did the common formality of giving her a couple of thousands as a token of gratitude and as Diwali gift as well...I was also happy as dad showed lot of improvements that week...

    SHE STRIKES AGAIN:
    The morning of the FEMALEs departure, mom was getting ready to leave to work and was fidgeting around as she had misplaced her office wear lip stick which she had left on the dressing table just the previous day!
    What rose my eyebrows was this FEMALE also nodded to have seen the lipstick in the same place the previous day!!!
    Poor mom...she saves up penny by penny for her basic grooming....and so I hadddddd to do a bag hunt i decided!!!
    Again in the pretext of after-shower-changing...me and sis closed the door and began to hunt the FEMALE's bag...

    WE WHERE SHOCKED OUT OF OUR WITTS!!!!
    We found kitchen storage pet boxes....
    detergent powders...
    collar solution...
    hand wash liquid pouches...
    kitchen sponges...
    masala packs....
    all from the recent grocery purchase sack which I had left in the store room!!!
    Peeler...
    Strainer...
    one apple!!!
    few utensils....
    Snacks-half eaten!!!
    dads torch!!
    and yes MOMS LIPSTICK...alriiiightttt!!!
    My sisters Half used sanitary napkin pouch....
    moms padded Bra cups!!!
    OHHHHH MYYYY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I was shaky and in tears! and anger...and in disgust....I took out a few...and left a few back...go to hell...take em i expressed to myself...

    And she left without realizing that she had not "bagged-it-all".....

    Evening when mom came back from work that day, we displayed all the things found in the FEMALES bag....
    this FEMALE would often come to some ashram near home town and also pay a visit to my dad each time.....mom would be at work and dad at home as he is a night shift employee.......
    and thus it now dawned on to mom where and how her tens of missing sarees all these years could have gone......
    Later grandpa told us that this FEMALE's mother (i.e. my late grannys's younger sis) was also of the same thieving category !!! And grandpa had a lot of difficulties each time this family came down for vacations he said..

    My Dad had lost 5k.....grandpa lost 7k....and my big collection of Wedding gift money pouch disappeared totally from the Brides-room....all during my wedding......DO we know the culprit now?

    We trusted her! We were grateful she could come and cheer dad up!
    BUT at a juncture when we were coming in terms with dads pitiful state.....sudden financial constraints....one persons income cut down...anxieties of the future....huuuge medical expenses....this FEMALE had to do such a BACK STABBING act????

    It is better off to hire someone from private home-nurse service provider than trust even the closest of blood relatives even at most needy times...
    we learnt a big lesson...
    But dad wants her down for another week!!!! We dont know how to say no to him!!!

    Do you have similar experiences? How have you managed?
    Kleptomania is a disease....but this dosnt seem like it! What do we dooooo!!!!!
    We have lost Faith....lost trust.....completely lost it.....
     
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  2. Joyoflife

    Joyoflife Gold IL'ite

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    Omg...can't trust her again. You could have taken the pictures of your stuff in her bags. Do you think it would be good to confront her? But at any cost if you can avoid her long stays. You never know what would she take next. IF you can't confront her casually tell her a made up story that I have a friend her aunt does all this stealing and all. Tell her even in your house stuff goes missing. It's would be good to confront her with proof if you can. Let's wait for what other say about this.
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2014
  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Hope your father is better now.Wishing him a speedy recovery.

    Next time you find her ill gotten treasure...just remove it and arrange them on a table along with her bag ....for her to see and realize she has been caught.Don't say anything or make a big scene.Tell your mom to lock up all valuables and new stuff before her visit.

    Don't mention this to your father....at least till he fully recovers.It will break his heart.

    See if this works...if not ,you may have to next time call her out as a thief .
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2014
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  4. gauridinesh

    gauridinesh Platinum IL'ite

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    All my prayers with your dad and hope god gives him more strength everyday for a speedy recovery.
    Looks like all the classic symptoms of cleptomania. I had a roommate in the hostel who could not help herself from stealing things. We infromed her parents and I think they took her to a psychiatrist and she seems to have recovered.
    While any disease is no defence for 'thieving', I really think you should let the lady know that you are aware of her habit and that you appreciate her help and are ready to share anything that she may want. It may help her.
     
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  5. Joyoflife

    Joyoflife Gold IL'ite

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    Sorry for my biased reply I did not read your post attentively. I completely agree with gauridinesh, it looks like she has a psychological problem otherwise why would she steal half eaten snack packets. I have also studies in hostel and we had a girl over there who would steal other girls toothbrush and bras. She also had some psychological problems. Since she is dear one to your dad it would be good if you can deal with her gently. Hope your dad gets better soon.
     
  6. unusualanswer

    unusualanswer New IL'ite

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    As you rightly pointed out, the lady in question is suffering from Kleptomania.. We have a distant relative who flicks off items as innocuous as toothbrushes, blouse pieces etc. Sad in a way :(
     
  7. ramyav_cse

    ramyav_cse Gold IL'ite

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    I have a cousin brother who would do this. Every time he visited, something will go missing. When I was still studying, he once stole hundreds of rupees from my pocket money purse and my lucky pen...I found it in his house n confronted him in front of his sister and he did accept. We did not let his/my parents know but we did think he might have changed after the load of advising. A couple of years later, my mom saw money missing from our safe. We then inquired with the apartment watchman who said this boy used to come when we were not home. Looks like my mom had given his mom a spare key(they live close by) and he used that to enter the house whenever nobody was around. We were so shocked and my parents could not confront since it might break the family relationship and so they added an additional lock to the main door and didn't give them the key.

    In your case, I dont think it will make sense to confront since it might break family relationships. It is safer to keep your valuable stuff safe. Lock up where ever possible and make sure she doesn't have access to the keys. Most likely, they will be scared to break the locks.
     
  8. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Ramyav....in your case ,it looks like the guy got used to stealing money and have an easy life. He seems to go only for valuables and that qualifies him as a thief....

    In OP's case it looks like she is a kleptomaniac.....a kind of disorder where they have little control over things to flick.Most of the stuff she flicked were not very valuable.It is just the thrill or an uncontrollable urge to flick. This is manageable with the right kind of help.
     
  9. ramyav_cse

    ramyav_cse Gold IL'ite

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    Agree with you. This guy was fully aware of what he was doing. However, these are delicate relationships where confronting will only break it. I will watch this thread...
     

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