SHE - Episode 4

Dear Malathijagan

I was deeply touched by your post.
I am writing to you here because you have partly addressed this to me in response to my comment about bringing children in to save a failing marriage.
My comment to Sridhar was directly related to his story and the situation of the heroine therein. But it also holds good in regard to a counselor's advice to a client. I do not want this to sound like a defensive post for my thoughts. That is not at all important, one way or the other.
My purpose for writing is to tell you that I admire you. Not only have I always liked your writings and verses that I have read so far...today....after reading this post of yours, I like you for the person you are. You are the living example of Sridhar's word..."you cannot go out of any relationship, you can grow out of it" !!
Looks like you have grown out of a bad equation with your husband/marriage and have somehow grown into it. Applause to you.
Life is stranger than fiction. We enter into commitments and I feel we in India are especially true to the oaths we take, at least as far as the marriage oath is concerned. "Till death us do part" is the essence of most of our marriages. There may be some who have idyllic marriage.But most of us try to add that 'idyll' in our own way, even if only in ideal. But that is okay, life goes on.
Malathi, it is nice to know you

L, Kamla

 

Dear Kamla,
First, let me thank you whole-heartedly for having liked my writings and verses.No amount of money or materials could have brought me this joy (of being admired by people as esteemed as you, Sridhar,Cheeniya sir etc).
To start with I meant no offense when I started to comment on the 2 FBs(Yours and Vandanas's). It was only an expression of my point of view. And ofcourse this view may not hold good for all cases.It was purely based on the story line of Sridhar where the problem is that of ego(Who are you to stop me taking up a job and such kind of thing). But were it a case of dowry harrasment, adultery or any other form of harrasment (physical or psychological), my opinion would have differed. Even in my own life the stand taken would have been different. I can be a Kannagi as well as a docile(pathivratha) Seetha. I feel women should have the courage to take the right decision at the right time as the situations warrant. We should certainly fight for our rights in a way where there is a win-win situation for both/all parties concerned. And this is how I have tackled all my problems in life. Even in our puranic days we have seen such women. Why,for that matter, Seetha was no coward. She was a strong-willed person. When she was asked to stay back in the palace when Rama left for the woods, she refused saying- "Raman irukkum edam dhan enakku Ayordhi". Did this mean she was so obssessed with Rama that she could not live without him for a second? No at all. To prove this there is another incident which happens in the Asoka vanam of Ravana. When Hanuman discovers her amidst the rakshasas and says that he could take her back to her Lord Rama, again she refuses saying-"I want to be rescued by my husband". This shows that she was strong willed in decision-making.
Coming back to our subject, yes If a woman has a choice in postponing children till relationship and understanding between the couple improve, she could very well do it. But then again, how long? It takes ages to fully understand complex human relationships, especially between husband and wife. Can child-bearing be put off till then? What if the man wants to prove his fertility and takes wrong steps? What if the woman's fertile years are lost?
It is an irony that we like to wait for so many things in life like a painter/artist working for hours/days together to produce a masterpiece, a musician/dancer learning years together to perform on stage/ a gardener working hard to prepare the soil, sow the seeds, water them regularly,wait for the shoot to peep out, then again wait for the beautiful flowers to bloom(what a wait it must be for him till he sees the first blossom to give him the reward of his labour?); yet when it comes to marriage, we work overtime to get the better of the other(husband-because of an insecure feeling to allow his newly wed wife to manage his finances,wife-for a lot of genuine as well as selfish reasons) knowingly or unknowingly and make life around us miserable.
Now, sorry Mr. Sridhar, I feel I am hijacking your space to put in my views. I think I should start a new thread to discuss the topic on women's lib and life.
To end with, Lord Krishna, through the mouth of Arjuna has conveyed in the Bhagavad Geetha 1st chapter 41st verse "Degradation of women will lead to degeneration of society", ofcourse in a different context. But it holds good for any other purpose.

 

Dear varalotti sir,
I really enjoyed She -episode 4.

I salute the father in Shiva to be so broad minded in his thinking. Most parents in his place would have tried to stick together and make the marriage work because of social pressures etc.
Maybe because he knows his daugther's nature that she needs 100% of everything and anything less would cause her misery.

Your statement "But the absence of negative qualities did not in itself imply the presence of anything positive. " really made me think. It is very true.

And to disagree with some others fB, I do agree with the counsilor. I have seen so many couples being happier after the birth of their children. Couples, who had different career paths and goals in life - when they have a child, all of a sudden they feel they have only one common goal, and that is the most important goal of their life time - to bring up theirchild as a succesful individual.

 

Dear Sridhar

My view was based on the circumstance of the heroine like that of Malathy's. However, I don't have her experience to compliment it. Hats off to you Malathy for the way you have conducted your life and have come out with flying colours.

Kamla is magnanimous to say that these views don't matter much. I think differing viewpoints make a discussion more interesting.

I shall try to collect some excerpts from the book and post it in a different thread.

And last, but not the least, thanks for the undeserved compliment to be well read, because I hardly read these days. But, thanks to the audio books and 40+ mins drive to and from work.

Looking forward for She - episode 5.

Regards
Gayathri.