Shattering Expectations

Be prepared for more such dramas with her!

 

Ignore the Govt job thing, your fiancee is handling it well.

My MIL has said that in a greedy way that is my issue... there are a lot of things m nt liking about her even before living with her. Firstly she dont buy new clothes for herself and keep on wearing the salwar suits that are teared from a lot of places. She never prepares my fiancee's food on time, even he is very irritated from this. On sunday's the food is not ready before 2pm .... I mean no breakfast on sundays , directly lunch.

why is this irritating you ? Your fiancee is old enough to talk to his mom if he wants earlier lunch, he is adult enough to prepare something for himself/ buy/ whatever. Why are you acting as if he is helpless and feeling irritated on his behalf? When you are his wife prepare a feast for him early if you want to.

she stiches her clothes by her own, okay that might doesn't seem like an issue on first instance but she don't know stictching and she looks so wierd wearing the clothes she had stitched. The most irritating thing i noticed in her is she doesn't wear a bra , every picture that have been clicked of her showed clearly that she is not wearing anything underneath her suits.. not only at home but she attended a marriage recently , wore a suit gifted by me and no bra under that as well. ( she had previously created a drama over it that suit has less cloth and my fiancee has to force her to get it stitched from a boutique, she wore it just once in a marriage and now started wearing it at home) , i didnt mention these to my fiancee as well... but i dont know how to avoid it.. there is no way we can live separately from his parents. He is the only child of his parents.
Her clothes , her choice. Would you be happy if she thrust her opinions on you?
I am really worried now as my height is very less as compared to my fiancee , we have almost 9 inches of difference in height. She has highlighted once regarding this as well but i am worried she might taunt me after marriage on this ( cleverly not in front of my fiancee)..
Does this height difference matter to you? If not ignore. Tell her about Amitabh-Jaya match

Why MILs cant behave like Half Moms ? Leave that but she must have a sense of wearing clothes when going out. I have never seen such environment at my home, and i am feeling really very uncomfortable. My mother has always been a lady with dignity say it her looks or her language.. ohh i forgot to mention, my future MILs language is quiet rude( she use abusive words as easily as drinking water)... I am feeling like i am going to be trapped in a hell with my angel fiancee... I love him so much and he too loves me... What should i do of all these things?
Why you compare your mom with his? You wouldnt want to be compared with another girl who wakes up at 5 am, does all the chores, keeps house spic and span, cooks the most fabulous meals, you get it?

You are really young , what i say maybe a harsh but you have to hear thsi if you want your wedded life to be blissful.

Focus on what is really affecting you. Learn to stop resenting every small thing about your future in laws. Because imagine if one day you blurt this out to your fiancee, he is likely to feel bad, she is his mother , no matter what she wears even if he doesnt like it. And this will cause a rift between you. Learn to respect your ILs. No matter how many flaws you find in their lifestyle and nuture, truth is your fiancee is who he is because of them. There are no angels in hell is the bitter truth.

If you want your fiancee/DH to support you , dont deal with in laws directly , no-no, get him to deal with them.

 

Agree with the posters above.
Op ,you know what you are getting into.Be prepared for more.

As for govt job...your fiance is handling it well. If it escalates ,You can tell him govt jobs involve transfers and you don't want to be away from him .

As for his mom not cooking for him on time...do not get between mom and son ever.w
When you get married...make simple breakfast for every one and offer your husband .

As for her not wearing anything under her kameez. Don't even touch that subject with your fiance ....it is a sensitive topic and not something a somn will be comfortable with. If you ever get very close with her..may be then you could talk with her...otherwise just ignore.

It is very common in haryana and punjab for old women to let go like this .It is kind of funny to see these old women covering their head with duppatta but leaving the breast quite loose and uncovered.Old women in other places also let go but very often the breast are covered by the saree pallu.

Don' t compare with your mother and don't expect even half a mother.

Right now just enjoy your remaining azaadi and don't worry about these things.

Once you get married...just concentrate on having a good bond with hubby without making it obvious to others . Both of you work.....you won't be spending too much time at home .

 

What do you want to ignore?
The govt job issue seems to be sorted out.
Ignore her clothes.Later on you can gift her stiched suits/ ready made suits.
As for her language...that is the way she is. You be extra respectful in your speech.Always use aap and jis .If she crosses line....let your man know you are uncomfortable with her language .

You make sure you continue to talk your way and do not start talking their family way if it is offensive.It will be very important when you raise your kids.

As for food....just ignore .You make for every one if you are hungry.

 

As for being financially independent....you better be.
If he gives all his money to his mom ...then you save half for yourself.
If possible ,invest the other half. You can start a recurring deposit and when you have a bigger amount,invest in mutual funds,fds or insurance policies. Tell him you are saving for your kids. Small investments over time can become a good security.

 

Even in arranged marriages, family lifestyles are different. Yours is love marriage... there are bound to be 100's of differences. You are lucky in a way, cuz u r seeing beyond the guy before marriage. I didnt get that chance and had a shock initial few days and then several months to point out and get used to H's family lifestyle.
As others mentioned, dont compare. Look into their hearts. If they dont mean any harm or have filthy minds, then nothing matters like their dressing or way they talk

 

You are quite young. Dont take these things seriously. Tell your parents or mil that you sre interested in doing jobs as you stated and you are not keen on government jobs scare her with frequent transfers , job promotion issues. Govr job dont pay well , few women work there etc . Use your creative energy . Be positive and be happy. It looks like hou and your mil are complete opposites better you guys live separately for atleast couple of years after the wedding.