Sharing Love, Effort, And Time Among Kids

As parents, we always want our children to grow happy and successful in their lives. But fate may have other plans and not all the children in the same family turn out to be equally happy or successful.

There may be so many reasons behind this. Their IQ level, opportunities, marriage, social and other reasons in addition to their luck/fate to determine this.

Parents with more than one kid know what it is to share their love, time, effort and of course their assets among these children who are not equally happy and/or successful in life.

@Rihana's thread about distributing assets among children was beaten to death here. So, my topic is gonna be sharing love, efforts and time among the kids.

PS: I know we parents must share equal love among kids, but when it comes to showing/expressing the love, it varies.
The weak one gets more love, more hugs sometimes.
Also, if you can give a $ tag to the love, efforts and time, this thread is again gonna be no different from the "asset" thread.

 

As thread starter, I am being the first to respond here.

One of my maternal cousin (eldest in the family) was the looser in the lot.
His younger sister and bro were inteligent and in fact lucky to settle in their lives happy and successful.
But this one, being in his late 40 is never married, not being able to settle in a permanent job, failed miserably in his business attempt, and lost all his savings in that too.
Now that he is living with his sister, as both of his parents are old and unhealthy to accommodate him.
They get their pension for living, and their daughter is living nearby to physically help them.

This cousin has always showed slow progress and complicated growth in academic, career and in everything about his life. However, his parents were equal and neutral when it comes to their children.
All received equal support for studies, equal effort from parents to settle with life partners (in fact, the other two got love marriage with minimum support from parents when it comes to bride/groom searching) and equal helps when it comes to career guidance.
Again the assets were shared equally too.

I always think, this cousin would have settled in his life happily and successfully just as others if his parents were showing more consideration in his growth.
Special attention to his studies, special attention when it comes to bride searching, special attention and guidance to chose his career.


And he ended up being a burden to his parents and sister right now.

Being neutral doesn't equate to being justice.

 

When the child has special needs like disability or any particular disease, the other kids accept this special attention/love from parents to the needy one. However, when the special need is not visibly shown... I mean, the child with not-so-good academic achievements, not-so-good intelligence hence difficulties in securing a career etc.. Such kids look normal, and act normal although they have this inabilities.
There are different shades among the "normal kids" and parents do understand the difference.

I agree, it is hard to accept when parents favor one kid purely based on their gender/looks or based on the success.

 

You are right. But not everyone accepts it. Some might feel heartache when one of them is favored regardless of the reasons given above.
There are kids who think parents' love should be equal no matter what.
During such situations, what would be the reaction of the parents, who know their special kid or the kid badly needs more attention should be prioritized, at the same time the other kids shouldn't get discouraged or hurt.

Exactly... this is the problematic area.
A lazier kid ends up with financial difficulties; hence not so happy/successful life. While the hard working kid may turn out to be more happy and successful in life. Now when the time comes for the parents to decide whom to support to ensure all their kids to be happy/successful at least to some standards, it is obvious to favor the lazier one in order to give him/her some luck. But it can never be accepted or justified by the other unless they are considerate.

When they make choices like this, I am sure their parents intervene and involve in order to polish their ambitions. Particularly a kid with teaching passion would have been taught the financial difficulties they might face down the line. But if they chose their passion beyond all these hurdles as adults, then I do not think they will regret their choice later on.
Perhaps they might earn lesser than their engineer sibling, but end up leading a very happy and successful life compared to their sibling.
Money alone doesn't define your happiness.
If the child is happy and successful otherwise, there is no need for a parent to favor them just because of their choice/earning capacity etc.

Parents disqualify their role as parents when they show this kind of clear favoritism based on Gender or smartness among their kids. It is human nature though, but normal parents know how best to balance and show equal love to all the kids regardless of their individual qualities.

 

Apologize... It was a great thread and an eye opener for me personally.

When both/all the kids are more or less equal (I mean normal kids), what you have explained above would be perfect parenting.
That's what usually happen in normal homes when parents are not biased (gender or whatever).
True, that we can't show equal love or attention each day. It depends on their needs, their vulnerability, etc..etc and our love/attention should be customized accordingly. But it has to be equal in general.
I agree to this wholeheartedly.
But my question is what would be the equation when one kid is not normal. I mean, it is clear to say a special needs kid gets more attention/care. But what if the kid is not with disabilities, yet unable to meet the standards of normal, rather intelligent kids.
They are plenty... Eg: The back benchers in the class room, the college drop outs, the slow learners, late pickers, introvert kids, those who are bullied often, the ones find loads of difficulties in the job market, the ones with low self esteem etc
These kids are normal kids though. Yet they need more attention to become normal as their counterparts.

Not all the college going kids will end up having a good career. Some find it extremely difficult to find a career in the competitive job market regardless of their qualifications.
There are various reasons behind this.
Perhaps, their poor interpersonal skill, poor communication skill or sadly their not-so-good looking (true) affect their professional life.
And this question is not limited to the US citizens. There are countries which have no alternative options for the not-so-intelligent graduates.
We often see protests and rallies from unemployed degree holders. Leave alone the degree holders who end up doing "any" job for the sake of it.