Sharing food with colleagues

Why do you want to eat lunch with such a rude colleague who refuses to understand your constraint and requests ? If I were you, I would choose some other colleague to have lunch with.

But since you have also mentioned that you would like to enhance your social skills, I'd suggest that you just say politely to these colleagues that you have always avoided certain kinds of food, not during lunch time but some other time, and that it is not possible for you to have them and that you would like them to understand it and not take offence at it.

 

What, she feeling bad abt u refusing to eat from her is an issue, n she continually asking u to eat something u dont like isnt making u uncomfortable or what!! Both parties are uncomfortable, but she is the trigger! Most ppl wud ask once or twice n den stop!!

I wud say, as many times she asks, u refuse politely that many times! She ll get the message! And whn she asks u again n again, gv the long faces that she makes whn u refuse !!

What is her problem!!!:crazy

 

Indians get very upset if you don't eat their food. You need to get out immediately.

 

This is normal Indian behaviour. I am shocked there are people on this forum who are feigning surprise at such routine occurrences.

But, Indians do not understand boundaries. Or at least their boundaries are very different from ours. "No, thank you. I prefer to eat my own food." Good luck. With that attitude you won't last a day in India.

 

When I came to India, I realised that people were taking a deep interest in what everybody else was eating. You had to offer food to others and encourage others to eat and get upset if you felt they were not eating enough. In my office, the food was provided by the company, so even if the food was not yours you had to offer it to others. When I would go to get food for myself, people would be upset if I did not return with something for them (perhaps "upset" is a strong word but it was just assumed that I would bring food for others, not just for myself). Vice versa, when they got up to get food they would bring something for me even if I had not expressed any desire for it. In India, you have to pretend to care for others.

However, people still like to eat what they want. They don't want to be forced by others. So, they have developed strategies for food avoidance. The main strategies for food avoidance that I have seen Indians use is is the following:

1) When offered a food item they don't want to consume, Indians say "Aap Khao/You Eat" instead of saying "No, thank you." This allows the food avoider to escape pretending he is concerned for you when really all he wants is not to eat the food you are offering him. I was shocked when I first encountered this. The shock never went away and I am still dealing with it. I would have just backed off if they said "No" but a normal Indian would have persisted.

2) In order to avoid over-eating, Indians abandon consuming certain kinds of food altogether. I have seen perfectly healthy and normal Indians utter the refrain, "Maine thanda chod diya hai" (I no longer consume cold foods"). or "Maine meetha chod diya hai (I don't consume sweetmeats)." In fact, there was an article in the Times of India perhaps a year ago which catalogued the weird food taboos of Indian politicians. Again, I wish I had saved it because it showed the truly bizarre lengths Indians shall go to assert some kind of agency in their eating habits. Since they were being forced to eat all the time this was their one act of rebellion to ensure that they had some control over what entered their mouths. This probably had something to do with traumas the politicians had suffered being forced to eat by elderly and powerful relatives in childhood or by eager supplicants in adulthood. The image of Indian politicians forcing ladoos into each other's mouth when they secure a victory is eternal. No wonder Arun Jaitley had to get bariatric surgery otherwise he would have probably eaten himself to death.

They key thing to remember is that Indians don't understand personal choice. "I want" or "I don't want" is not taken seriously. Neither is "I like" or "I dislike". Nor for that matter is "Yes" or "No". India is difficult to navigate for those who like to be by ourselves and do what we want. The only way to live in India or anywhere for that matter is to build a loving coccoon for oneself peopled by family, friends and allies who understand us and are sympathetic to our needs, concerns, strengths, weaknesses and desires. Otherwise, it is a very cold world out there. You could manage to get by with your food allergies in school because you were with the same group of friends for a long period of time. Perhaps they came from a background similar to yours. This obviously does not apply to the office. There is a high rate of attrition with people leaving and joining all the time who are unfamiliar with your needs. They also seem to be less Westernised than you. I don't know if you lunch with your superiors but that could be another problem. They would take it as an affront to their authority if you refused their culinary advances. It's all very tricky. If only Indians concerned themselves with the work and left the rest to us. But, that is too much to hope for . Anyway, good luck with your troubles and I hope you find a way out of this mess.