Shared Vs. Sole Custody

How old are the kids?
If he is good with kids,go for joint custody.
Why deny them a father in their life?
Why do it all alone ?
Why deny him the kids company?

Tell him to keep his online amorous activity away from kids .

Work out a good parenting plan with him .
Ask him to stay close by so that he can help out during emergencies.

He cheated but it doesn't have to be ugly.
When kids are involved ,one should suck it up a bit and find the best possible solution.
Staying together is hurting you which effects the kids.
Seperate and let them have two homes they can find care in .
Once you seperate,try to let go of the bitterness for their father because he will cease to be a husband and stay only a father of your kids.

 

9 and 6 are still young.
Having two parents around will help .
Besides it will give you both also some time to plan your own lives when the kids are at the other parents place.

You can help the kids by making them more independent so that they can take care of their basic needs while the process is going on .

 

Shared custody , Specially if he is a good dad. Agree with yelllow mango totally.

 

Shared custody if he has been a good father.

 

If you are in the US the judges generally lean towards shared custody, unless your husband explicitly wishes otherwise. Barring serious abuse it is unlikely that you will win full custody if your husband does not want to give up his rights. And unless he is an irresponsible father it will be better for your children to have him actively involved in their lives.The court's concern is primarily for what is in the best interest of the children.
Your lawyers should come up with a financial arrangement that will include child support. If you can remain amicable while divorcing you can resolve these issues via mediation, which will save you time as well as many thousands of dollars in legal fees.

 

Divorce doesn't have to end ugly for everyone. You can work out the arrangements amicably.

He can be a bad husband but a good father, so you can dissolve the marriage n still have a joint custody of the kids, that is if he wants it too.

Once he stops being your husband, his affairs has nothing to do with you anymore, but 'ensure' that none of it happens while the kids are with him.

Joint custody gives both the parents equal rights n kids would get equal time as well. Preferably, ask him to get a house close by so the kids can easily travel. N try to have a friendly / workable relationship between you both as you still have to communicate about the kids as you can never stop being parents. This is doable, I see people doing that here as well, even after both or one has moved on to another relationship.

Kids are very matured these, they understand everything so well.
Ask your counsellor about how to explain to them about the divorce in a positive way. They don't have to build their bitterness about marriage or their parents. Staying / growing up in a bitter home can do that.
They can have two "happy", "positive" homes.

Financially, if you are earning well, you n your dh can contribute equally. If you aren't, they he has to provide.

 

I believe there is something as Joint legal custody and joint physical custody.From your post ( and also the given fact that men usually don't back down if it comes to their ego) , it seems that apart from having joint legal custody, your H will want joint physical too. The kids' time will be divided between 2 houses which is not very difficult if both parents are staying close in the same city. But since you are the primary care giver ( there is a legal definition for this , please go through it) , you can file for sole physical too. If you are serious about the D word, it's better to lawyer up first and consult with him/her. Also, there are some states in the US, where physical separation of a certain time period is necessary before actually filing for divorce. So your H might have to unwillingly go through this phase too. I have read your other thread , and honestly by his own admission , your H isn't going to change in future.He doesn't see anything wrong in what he does. You are the only one suffering.You should use this time to get emotionally , mentally and obviously physically detach from him and get a lawyer. Once you both are on the same page in regards to the divorce and child custody, you can settle things amongst yourselves through a mediator too.
All the best. Do what gives you peace of mind .