Shanta Online.....

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by Chilbuli Imli, Dec 14, 2005.

  1. Chilbuli Imli

    Chilbuli Imli Senior IL'ite

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    Shanta loved 'chatting' but unfortunately her husband did not! "You know darling!, I have learnt how to chat!" Shanta exclaimed one day as she came back from office excited and happy at having learnt "how to chat" from a much younger friend!

    Shanta was 45 and worked in a cooperative bank in this
    small town of Kerala, where she and her husband Shankaran had lived for what seemed like eternity! Her bank had been recently computerized and a new recruit Saritha had been appointed to train the staff about this new hullabaloo (computer!). Shanta and Sarita had become very close by virtue of Shanta’s very friendly nature and now was Sarita’s most enthusiastic disciple in the whole bank! So much so that Shanta even bought a computer for herself at home with a dial-up internet connection which was by far the newest facility that this sleepy town offered!

    The first day Shanta learnt to “chat” was one of the most embarrassing days that Shankaran had ever come across in all his 50 years of life! "Chatting is so nice! you meet different people from all over the world" and ..blah blah blah.... So as she rattled on about the 'chatting' virtues, she switched on the brand new PC, literally dragged Shankaran and made him sit in front of it and said "see what I learnt from Saritha today!" and zealously entered a chat room which her chatting guru Saritha often visited. Shankaran adjusted his glasses and sat open mouthed as she 'logged in' as 'Samantha!' and looked at her in anguish and asked "when did u change ur name?" She gave a villainous laugh and said "u
    don't have to be true here, u could be anything here in cyberspace yaar!"

    Another look of surprise from Shankaran followed, as this was the first time she called him 'yaar!' She waited for someone to say 'hi'. She never took the first step as she was new and had 'starting problems!' Her joy knew no bounds when one 'xyz' addressed her, "Hi Sam! She replied "hi!" and rolled her eyes at Shankaran with a sly smile as if she had won a trophy! But pop came the next question "would you like to make me wet?" and she was ready to scream! Her husband equally petrified asked....gosh Sam! sorry Shanta, how dare you ****??? Shanta came around, collected herself, and defensively said, "hey come on! sometimes u have to encounter such questions, see it is no fault of mine darling." Shanta felt sheepish. "Did people ask such questions here?" Shanta asked herself.

    "Stop this nonsense" Shankaran grunted, "this is for people who have nothing else in this world to do!" For duds who have all the time in this world for silly things like these." So saying he left her in anger. "When will you learn to have fun?" she thought, and sat there in the chat room nonchalantly ignoring the "wet-question" guy. She waited for someone else to ask her something. Yes, pop came a question from one Dilip, "ur asl please? "Gosh! what on earth was that?" she wondered shivering, "was it again a 'wet question'? She quickly shut down her PC put off at her own ignorance. “I ‘gotta’ learn more from Saritha tomorrow” she thought. Yes, she was happy at the thought of secretly getting back at her husband for beckoning her. Beckoning always unleashed the devil in her!
     
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  2. Chilbuli Imli

    Chilbuli Imli Senior IL'ite

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    Shanta Online... Cont

    Came the next day, and gathering all the “enthu” (“enthusiasm was an “old” word after all!) she could in the world she entered the office huffing and panting not even waiting to wish her boss whom she encountered on the way, heading straight into Saritha's cabin and asked her almost out of breath, "what is asl?" Taken aback at this sudden outburst, and a little irritated at her interruption Saritha asked, "what?" Shanta repeated "what is asl?" Saritha stared again trying to make sense of all this 23 blabbering. Shanta looked dishevelled, as if it was a life and death situation for her! She realized she had surprised the wit out of Sarita and explained "Sarita, some guy in a chat room asked me, " ur asl please?" Now tell me what is that? " Sarita looked at Sam alias Shanta pitifully, cursing all her stars for ever having taught Shanta how to chat the previous day! She feigned patience and explained "age, sex, and location" Oh! Shanta said sheepishly "and imagine what I thought!" Shanta chided herself!

    So here she was logging in again boldly (after all she knew what asl was, so there was nothing to fear!) She asked a person his asl, and he immediately answered 27/m/chennai. Urs ? he asked. Shanta sat pondering as to whether she should actually say how old she was, and decided not to be truthful. “Being righteous always was not fun!” She thought slyly. She answered, " 22/f/bangalore" as if trying to relive her younger years!" Wow! here in this virtual land you could be younger always, 20 something! Yes she liked it a lot!! He answered, "Kewl" "Now what was that?" she thought! Always on the defensive, she tried to ignore it by keeping quiet, when he asked "rut?" My
    god! As far as Shanta knew, 'rut' had two different meanings both of which she could not relate to, here, and so here again she was lost! She cursed him "why does he chat in riddles?" “are u there?" he asked again! Oh! so 'rut' meant “are you there”? "Yep!" she answered trying to put on a brave front! What difference did ‘p’ instead of ‘s’ in a ‘yes’ make after all! The next question she encountered was “What do u do?” She replied "studying"....came again from the other end "oh kewl! For wut?"

    Atleast now Shanta understood 'wut' was 'what!' Now Shanta was helpless! She started scanning her memory for all the possible courses she knew and replied "MCA" (of course 22, and she had to be doing something as impressive as that!) Before he could ask any damn thing pertaining to the subject, of which she knew neither head nor tail, she asked innocently "what to you do?" as if she
    was bothered at all what he did for a living! Pop came the reply " I am a softie" Shanta had heard of this, actually even devoured a 'softie' ice cream greedily in the new ice cream shop that had opened up at the corner near her house, but here she was ‘chatting’ with a softie! "God where do I go from here? " She thought. She really needed time to think about the next step she took. She ran headlong into the Saritha's cabin once again and asked her "what is a softie?"

    This was definitely not Saritha’s day! She looked up again sarcastically knowing what Shanta was up to in her cabin. "Software" she said and continued to do her work with a boring expression! Shanta relieved went back to her cabin and her friend in the chatting room! So thus began Shanta’s journey into the umpteen number of chatting rooms weaving a virtual web around herself surrounded by faceless voiceless beings where she did not have to be herself, where she could just say "get out" or "shut up" without even a forethought! Yes she loved every bit of this addiction! Then one day came the doomsday in Shanta’s life. As usual humming an old tune, imagining all sorts of conversations she would have and trying to get over the confusion as to which chat room would be the best for her today, Shanta switched on her PC little knowing what awaited
    her! She could not enter even one damn chat room, and every time she tried she encountered “error on page”! She almost bumped into Saritha while running into her room. Of course Saritha was not surprised. She smiled and said " Shanta ji, serious problem! Virus problem! "Funlove" virus around!

    Shanta stood there thinking what would happen to all her friends with whom she had an appointment today? At 9 Rakesh, at 10 Seema at 11 Dilip. Saritha looked sarcastically and queried " Why? worried about what would happen to your chatting sessions? Forget about chatting again from the office. The management is going to keep a strict vigil on 'what' u browse! Well at least your pending work can be finished! Saritha knew how to add fuel to fire after all! She was hinting at how late Shanta finished her work nowadays and of course the pending work too! Cursing Sarita, Shanta went back to her cabin. She looked sullenly at the computer. Suddenly it lacked life! She cursed everything and everybody in this world who had come between her and her chatting and she was devastated! Her window to the virtual world that she adored had been mercilessly shut, and thud! she fell down with a big bang back to reality! From 22 to 45! Shanta felt tears stinging her eyes! Buck up Shanta! She patted herself! A great optimist she was! After all it was nothing! Crying for not able to chat was silly! Shanta tried to concentrate with tears still flowing down her cheeks!

    "At least she would finish all her pending work," she thought. She had already been warned twice during these 2 months, but the intensity of her devotion to this addiction was such that it had fallen on deaf ears! Never in her life had she worked so hard as she did in the ensuing 2 days to clear up the mess that
    the addiction had brought upon! Shankaran’s surprise knew no bounds, when Shanta reached home and said "You were right!" Chatting is only for people who have no other work to do." Shanta had an expression like that of the fox in the story of the sour grapes!. He just stared at her not knowing that she was suffering from not being able to continue some of the great "chatting" endeavours that she had undertaken in the previous 2 months, the laziest but the "brightest" period in her life!

    Came next day and Shanta never forgot to cancel the internet connection at home. Her boss was kind enough to ignore her addiction, a disheveled office was okay, but a disheveled Shankaran was dangerous!! Shanta never became Samantha again!

    Cheers
     

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