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Shameless neighbour

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by mimi77, Mar 31, 2015.

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  1. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Disclaimer:
    The reference to the husband was not to any one in particular but just a response to another poster. It was not meant for OP or any one in particular.....just husband's in general.

    Any joking around about the situation was a feeble attempt at injecting some much needed humor to the thread.

    My apologies to any offended party.sorrysmiley


    Sad that a wonderful thread with potential has gone to the dumps ....We could have had so much fun with this one.shakehead
     
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  2. pear

    pear Gold IL'ite

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    Sorry Op for i made that "DH" comment to infuse more dimension without expecting its consequence .

    Sorry @YM for landing you in (boiling) hot water.
     
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  3. Sparkle

    Sparkle Platinum IL'ite

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    @Laks09:
    Is this part about Brits from another thread?

    General comments/thoughts:
    IMO, people of one country don't like to hear from another country that has several problems of its own. I hardly see an Indian commenting/shaming/generalizing about a western country, its people or culture in the name of fixing its issues.

    Being judgmental, shaming someone based on their appearance, exposing oneself within the premises of their own house or not, making assumptions about a person, calling someone names etc. are prevalent everywhere. Why is this pinned on 'Indians' (by Indians) all the time is what I don't understand. Many threads take a turn towards Indians for no reason.

    There are much worse issues in western countries like racism, shooting children in school, cyber-bullying, teenage pregnancy, eating disorders etc. Yes, these issues are in India too. But why is India and Indians painted bad all the time? Why are the common issues in exaggerated when it comes to India? Why are the issues in western countries toned down?

    Recently there was a grandfather who couldn't converse in English and was arrested by the cops for taking a walk in the morning in U.S. He was judged by his clothes and appearance. He was paralyzed and hospitalized. (Even a bad cop in India won't pin down a grandpa talking a walk on the road without asking him what he is doing.)
    A female software engineer was shot in Australia, may be because she was an Indian.
    Such incidents show how westerners really think about anyone who is not of their skin-tone/race. There many be a lot of freedom in a foreign country and we may meet a lot of people who think 'differently' than what people back at home usually think or act. That does not make us Indians lower than anyone else in the world.

    The brits left our nation in 1947. But they succeeded in secretly ruling the minds of many is what I can think of. We are damaging our image and reputation ourselves with our own comments and opinions.
     
  4. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Yes. I realise that. I was intending something else entirely. I apologise for the generalisation. I re-read my own post and see how brash it was. I'm sorry.
    @sparkle - I apologise to you too. I was trying to saying something else. Sorry.
     
  5. pear

    pear Gold IL'ite

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    Iam not sure more than half who participated in the thread lived thier life in any of our closely placed indian flats.Its sad that what the poster tried to convey could not be related by most here.

    The flats here are mostly joined living not entirely private spaces.You should live your own private life in such flats without disturbing other flat members. Theres loads of give and take policies ,unwritten laws and some weird funny rules.

    1.The noise you could make depends on the closeness of your next flat.If you share a wall you should down size your volume according to it.You cant claim any legal volume level in this case.

    2.You could cook whatever you want inside your house ,but passing a thick black smoke into the next flat is not tolerated.You cant ask them to close thier windows.

    3.Your kids may need the clearance before they practice dance or music or try to play some active games or go skating inside the house.You cant claim my place ,my rules.

    4.What you keep inside your house should not disturb others.If your house smelled awful or have a fish smelling kitchen facing someones flat ,you need to rectify immediately.No you cant leave a smelly kitchen overnight if its facing somebodys bedroom.

    5.Dumpling all your undesirable things in your unused balcony is not okay if it faces someones balcony .Imagine living everyday facing some ones dump at close proximity.

    6.Your neighbors could dictate the no of plants you have or the no of clothes you wash or the no of guests in your house if there is water scarcity.Residing in a water scarcity flats is the worst place to be.

    7.Smoking or having drinks inside the flat is not objected to,but not in the visibility of others.The smoke should not pass into other flats.

    8.How you dress inside your house is not objected to,but maintain yourself decently in others visibility. Maintain whats acceptable in that society.Its an unwritten law of whats acceptable,it differs with the neighborhood.I had been in flats where we needed to raise objection to semi nude men.Its the first time i hear a female getting the warning.

    9.Closing the windows means closing yourself from the limited fresh air and day light.So its not an option that op could do everyday to keep away from watching that said lady in semi nude in close proximity.Imagine watching that scene sitting in your living room in close proximity.With guests it could be rather embarrassing for the op.

    10.Having sex with windows open is not an acceptable option too.

    11. Keeping pets needs neighbors approval.

    In one of the flats i stayed my daughters playmate got injured .So i visited thier house with another flat mate ,there i saw her father sitting cross legged in only his briefs (smaller vip version)in the hall reading news paper with his mom and sis cutting vegetables near his feet.That mans brothers wife sitting uncomfortably facing the wall in the dining table having her breakfast.God its such a crass image it stayed as an unpleasant thing in my mind for a long time. Ofcourse from that day i banned my daughter even to step inside thier home.(I had a set of rules for her like ........you should play only in the hall or balcony ,you should not stay back if the 2 aunties not around).That lady used to argue with my maid servant to work for her,and if i asked my maid used to be silent on the reason for her refusal.The other flat mate explained to me that he used to roam even on the common area with only his briefs as the flat mates objected he now confines his avatar inside his house.As the day we visited was a working day ,she thought he wont be there.
     
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  6. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    That is how they perceive the lady . You can't control that.

    anyway problem solved for OP, if the apartment society took action , that means there were others also who had issues with her and may be more than just clothing.
     
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  7. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    pear - I have lived in India. Have been in the association as an office bearer. I know how things work. We generally give warnings multiple times even to tenants. Plus there are always people who did come up with this isn't decent - regarding clothes inside people's houses. Our president always said it was the persons right to wear what you deem is unfit for you to see. This is an apt if you want to control all that move into a house. You don't need to socialize with the person but we are not going to evict someone because you think it's ok vs not ok. You don't have to go there. Close your windows or better still keep your curtains closed.
    We did have pet regulations, balcony regulations, noise regulations etc. when it came to food and clothes, it was personal preference. Even when my neighbor smoked in the balcony right across my BR window at all odd hours(I had a preemie at home), the president told me he can discuss but there is no legal jurisdiction to prevent that. Better keep your window closed and A/C turned on. Thankfully, when the president spoke to the guy, he realized and never did that again.

    So I do think this was taken too far.
     
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  8. Sparkle

    Sparkle Platinum IL'ite

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    @Laks09:
    Kindly don't apologize. (Now I feel bad!!) I did not find that post brash, but I wanted to understand the missing link. Many posters think that western culture is better or western people are better for no reason. I posted the general comments to state my opinion.
     
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  9. Sparkle

    Sparkle Platinum IL'ite

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    @arumummy: Most posters in this thread (including me) were only trying to give suggestions on how to control the situation as asked by the OP. No one tried to control how the society perceived the lady and I don't think that was anyone's concern.

    Yes, problem solved. That could also mean that there were others who came to conclusions based on how that neighbor dressed and got her evicted. There are always two sides to a coin...
     
  10. pear

    pear Gold IL'ite

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    I am not talking about any legal rights here pa.In a community there are some restrictions which needed to be followed.Displaying herself semi-nude in near proximity to someones living room is not in good taste.In OP place even i would have felt equally offended.The best solution is for that lady to change her displaying habit or change her residence to where she could practice her preference without invading others space.

    For your info in India a person could not be compelled to pay maintenance and its illegal to disconnect water supply to them(according to supreme court verdict).And one more thing that there is no law that gives any special powers for the office bearers to pass any rules in the flats including the restriction on pets.The whole set up is to organize the social living(for peaceful living),so the rules change from one set of persons to other.What had been okay in your flats need not remain the same everywhere.
     
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