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Shameless neighbour

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by mimi77, Mar 31, 2015.

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  1. JanSri

    JanSri Silver IL'ite

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    Two wrongs dont make a right. Just because men can walk bare-chested women cant!!

    But I get your point. We still live in a male-dominated, skewed-women-dominated society. We have someway (a looooonnnnnggg way) to go to achieve gender equality. Its probably a good idea for one to keep their wits about. Especially when you know that the local community doesnt look at what you are kindly. I feel sad for the 'neighbour' in question being evicted and all. But I pity the kids more. In every city there are areas where her kind of dressing would be more accepted. She should have chosen wisely before. Anyways, whats done is done. 'Tolerance' is a very powerful thing. Not everyone has it. And its most definitely not a weakness.
     
  2. bhucat

    bhucat Platinum IL'ite

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    @laks09 my kid is just 6 years old she may ask some other complicated questions in future too, but my answer would be the same like it is based on preference of people and their surroundings. Yes I too agree upon the statement what vanitha and you said, parents can definitely be a role model to kids. Btw regarding personal attacks I prefer not to pull her husband's reaction here I know you were not told the same first still I said generally the reason from where the personal attacks were started. When I started reading the post from the beginning I thought pulling her husband's name was unnecessary here, hence I mentioned about personal attacks and did not mean you.

    Op, I imagined myself in your situation, only two options are available for me, one is telling her directly or through association, the other one is not minding it. If you ask me what I will do? I will tell a regular scenario which happens in my moms apartment during every summer. There is a lady aged around 65, wears nothing in the top, except the bra and inskirt inside her house, she roams around her house everywhere in front of her H, son, dil even soninlaw if he comes!? We stay in first floor next compound and they live in ground floor, we can see these scenes every summer for the past 5 years. They actually talks to my mom and dad, they are very good neighbor but we never tell them that this is odd to see...the reason I do not know, may be we do not want to hurt them directly saying this as we know she did not do this deliberately to attract others. At the same time we never do gossiping with other flat members, we just leave it never mind about it. So it is based on one's opinion of telling or not telling, in my case I will definitely not go and tell.
     
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  3. Sparkle

    Sparkle Platinum IL'ite

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    @JanSri:
    Very true, two wrongs don't make a right.

    I am not asking women to walk bare-chested because men are.
    But men can cover up and be decent too (never happens, does it?! ). And questioning and shaming women when they wear what they want to wear can stop as well.

    As women, if we disrespect or shame another woman, we can never expect respect from men. :roll:

    I am not even speaking of gender equality here, gender equality is many more things than just attire. Such things are brought on women by women first. In this case, I wonder if some woman even went up and talked to that neighbour in the first place. There was even a post of dropping a anonymous note at that lady's door. Had any of these happened, she might have avoided being evicted.

    Tolerance to such things need not just be powerful. It can be impartial and kind too.
     
  4. Sparkle

    Sparkle Platinum IL'ite

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    Striking a balance will happen only through mutual respect for each other's choices.
     
  5. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    (General thought: If any kind of exhibitionism is wrong, how is wearing a saree that reveals one side completely open and showing off almost the entire cleavage area correct? Why doesn't anyone correct a woman wearing a saree this way but goes about complaining about women wearing other kind of clothes?? thinkingsmiley )




    [/QUOTE]

    The most revealing and provocative thing I wear these days is the Saree...:hide:And I do wear western wear.
     
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  6. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    If one wants to indulge in something which is different than others in a community, one should not worry about others acceptance or judgement.

    There is no guarantee that others will accept your choice and respect it. You cannot expect it also.
     
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  7. Sparkle

    Sparkle Platinum IL'ite

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    Right. In this case that neighbour was different than the others in that community. Doesn't look like she worried about others acceptance and being judged. Doesn't look like she expected it also.
    All this pushed the society over the edge and finally she was evicted.

    Everyone can make their own choices and stand apart, not worrying or worrying about judgements,acceptance and respect. Problems will still exist.

    Else everyone can make their own choices, respect each others choices (liking it or not is not needed here), stand together and go about solving bigger and better problems.
     
  8. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    I am commenting without knowing entire story of the person who got evicted.

    others had a choice of not living with that different person and exercised their choice. If she had a problem, she should have gone to courts and stay put but may be She might have gone in search of more amenable neighbors.

    The point is you do what ever you want but you don't have a choice on how others react towards you.

    expecting other not to judge is naive.everyone judges .
     
  9. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Why was everyone up in arms against the Brit who chose to say this out in the open? Is it because a Brit decided to tell the world that Indians think like this?
    Look at this thread. There are women saying derogatory things like middle aged women with flab need to cover up because they aren't "toned". Let's hope anyone wearing a saree is toned because that is quite an unforgiving garment.

    There are women saying that a woman is putting herself on display to the neighbors because she chose to wear something in her house. Why are the neighbors complaining? She has a past and someone told them about it! Now that's unforgivable. Let's hope everyone living in that society doesn't have dirty laundry.

    There are women saying that anyway people judge, so it's ok to talk. Let's hope people doing the judging know that there are consequences to that. Just last week a kid got suspended from my DD's school for exactly that. Judging a girl for her clothes. Where did he get the idea from, I wonder?

    There are women saying things like a mother is a completely wrong role model because she chose to teach her teenager to look beyond the clothes or just ignore that. Now, we will call people names based on what others say, which we have no way of validating and based on what she does, that's ok. But nobody dare teach their kids that it is wrong to talk about other people, no matter what rags they are wearing.

    Why @gauri03 were you upset with the Brit? Some people put the limit at jeans some others tolerate jeans but not much more. We have examples on this thread from all parts of the country. Was she that far off from the reality?
     
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  10. AnonyMouse

    AnonyMouse Bronze IL'ite

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    "to tell the world that Indians think like this?"

    I am sorry to pick this sentence but I would really like to know what this means? Are you trying to say that Indians are the only ones to judge? Are you saying that westerners are all non-judgmental angels?

    And as far as one lady's comment about 'Flabby, non-toned' body was concerned, I too thought it was highly tasteless. But again it is not something peculiar to India. In fact, fat shaming is actually much more prevalent in west. What with their out of control eating disorders as a consequence? It's good to introspect and find our inner shortcomings but let's not pretend that other people are all goody two shoes.

    N.B.: I actually have no idea which Brit you were talking about, but this is irrelevant.
     
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