Sexual Needs Frustration - A Particularly Pathetic Example

sln · Mar 31, 2009

Dear Sridhar,
Radhika is not alone in her predicament.The story is shared by thosands of women and the number is only increasing.In such cases annulment of the marriage as opposed to divorce is normally considered.Apart from life style and stress,female hormone Estrogen is increasingly getting into the male body through milk as cows are injected with this hormone to boost milk production.
Either male or female,discretion is the better part of valour and the case could have been handled much better.Today the world understands that there are physical and emotional needs apart from mental compatibility.One is not a substitute for other unlike what elders din into the girls minds.
A contemporary issue handled with finesse.
Regards
LAKSHIMINARAYANAN

varalotti · Mar 31, 2009

Dear Sir,
It's a real honour for me that you chose to visit this old thread of mine. You are right about the increase in the number of such cases. That Estrogen getting into the system is news to me.

Osho has another theory. He says that in those days there used to be substantial differences between the two sexes. Today the differences are being slowly eliminated. When the differences go away the attractions also go away. Well this is not about the male-female equality. We all agree that male and female should be treated equal, perfectly, absolutely equal in the matter of rights and privileges. That does not mean that they should look the same.

Osho laments after seeing a lot of Americans that the men are becoming more and more feminine and the women, less so.

And Radhika should not have made a big fuss about it. A girl known to me was married to a boy from a very rich industrial family in Chennai. They found out that the boy was impotent. The girl went to her parents' place and divulged the fact to them. The girls parents threatened to make the fact known to public unless the boy agrees for a mutual consent divorce. The girl got the divorce no doubt. But the boy was soon married to another girl. This time a poor girl.

Thanks for coming in. Thanks for the nice words.
love,
sridhar

lakshiminarayan said: ↑

Dear Sridhar,
Radhika is not alone in her predicament.The story is shared by thosands of women and the number is only increasing.In such cases annulment of the marriage as opposed to divorce is normally considered.Apart from life style and stress,female hormone Estrogen is increasingly getting into the male body through milk as cows are injected with this hormone to boost milk production.
Either male or female,discretion is the better part of valour and the case could have been handled much better.Today the world understands that there are physical and emotional needs apart from mental compatibility.One is not a substitute for other unlike what elders din into the girls minds.
A contemporary issue handled with finesse.
Regards
LAKSHIMINARAYANAN
Click to expand...

umakarthik · Apr 20, 2009

Dear Varalotti,
I would like to congratulate you on your writings.You have found an Instant fan in me.The first story I read was the Haunted House.Surprisingly although I steer clear of such stories I was curious to read it as u had promised a scientific explanation and I can say that you have half cured me of my fright for darkness and imaginary scary things(I even go to the front room without light!)I really enjoyed the story.Regarding your story of the lady what you say is correct we see lot of gays nowadays than before!
Chitvish positive note that the wait will be worth it is true as I remember When I was a teenager there was a widow with a Five year old son.Her father was worried as she had lost her husband in an accident when her kid was three and she herself was quiet young.But god is great she found a guy who accepted her and her son and married her.so all is not lost!

varalotti · Apr 21, 2009

Dear Uma,

Thanks for those words. In fact Haunted House was my very first novel. I have been writing short stories all along. I read about RSPK and thought that it is fertile enough to contain a full length novel. I am happy you liked it. I then published it as a novel in Tamil Manase Manase Kadavai Thira.

Our society has been neglecting the sexual needs of women all along. And those needs are much more complex than those of men. I wrote a series of short stories and articles on this subject.

Uma, I am now writing a series on God entitled, Oh My God! The episodes can be read in any order. I have posted up to four episodes. When you have time just read them and let me know what do you think.

love,
sridhar

umakarthik said: ↑

Dear Varalotti,
I would like to congratulate you on your writings.You have found an Instant fan in me.The first story I read was the Haunted House.Surprisingly although I steer clear of such stories I was curious to read it as u had promised a scientific explanation and I can say that you have half cured me of my fright for darkness and imaginary scary things(I even go to the front room without light!)I really enjoyed the story.Regarding your story of the lady what you say is correct we see lot of gays nowadays than before!
Chitvish positive note that the wait will be worth it is true as I remember When I was a teenager there was a widow with a Five year old son.Her father was worried as she had lost her husband in an accident when her kid was three and she herself was quiet young.But god is great she found a guy who accepted her and her son and married her.so all is not lost!
Click to expand...

imemyself · Apr 23, 2009

Dear Sridhar,
We friends were discussing some common topic on marriage and relationships and somehow stumbled upon a serial which was telecast in Vijay TV , almost a year ago. It was a K.Balanchader series.
And the story line is not exaclty on sexual frustration. But also includes that.So thought i can post my thoughts here.

I remember only few parts ...let me put it across.

As the story goes, a husband(played by Late Actor Major SundarRajan's son, Goutham) and wife (played by Brinda Das -serial actress) live with 2 kids. The marital bliss is nil as potryaed in the serial. The wife's friends (college friends) decide for a get together. The wife is excited and decides to go. The husband doesnt object but within inside he is not happy and does some dirty trick of sending a telegram to her , as if sent by her relative or soemone. The telegram holds some news which would disrupt her trip. Later she finds out her husband played this dirty trick!

Also one another scene where, the wife is tired after the day's work and she puts her kids to sleep and decides to hit the bed. The husband wants to 'make out' but she says she is tired and goes to sleep.
Later she wakes up hearing the alarm sound. She usually gets up at 5.00 setting the alarm. She checks the clock, it shows 2.00 a.m. She wonders what happened and who would have set it at 2.00 a.m. Then her husband wakes up and tells he did it and asks her to come to the other room so that he could satisfy himself. She is angry, hurt and upset. But what could she do as a wife? She gives in!!!!
And the serial ends like she is seperated from him and she is happy maintaining her dignity and not being tied up in such a marriage.

this was the point we friends were discussing, where the wife has to give in to her man just because he 'needs' it and she is a 'wife'.
Is this reasonable?
Seeing her husband's sick attitude of playing dirty tricks and being suspicious she might not have that urge to 'sleep' with him. But because she is a wife should she give in?
As a wife wont she have her own feelings? I know a couple who are alwyas ar loggerheads.Their marriage is on the rocks but stil when it comes to making love my friend says she gives in to avoid a fight but she just doesnt have 0% interst in 'it'. I dont understand!! When u dont have the heart to it then the husband is bound to respect that. He can never force his wife!
aint it?
Or am i wrong here?

varalotti · May 17, 2009

Dear Jaya,

First accept my heartfelt apologies for the inordinate delay. Twice I thought of coming out with a reply but felt a little shy to lash out the points very openly. Then I withdrew. Well, that is not the reason for the rudeness in delaying my response almost for a month.

Let me very frank, even brutally frank in this matter. Shyness or whatever, certain things have to be abundantly clear. Sexual relationship is a bliss only when both the parties like it and are ready to give themselves willingly.

The biology or sociology is such that a woman cannot force her husband for a sexual relationship. she can at best seduce him. But a man can virtually rape his wife. In fact when I was doing my law degree I remembered to have read a criminal case where a husband was chargesheeted for having raped his wife. His lawyer argued that a wife is bound to 'sleep' with her husband whenever he wants to. Fortunately the judge was sane enough not to buy this ********. He held that sexual intercourse without consent is a rape even though the aggressor is the victim's husband.

There is one thing which I can never understand. Sorry for being so frank. If a woman is not interested in a physical relationship the signs would be so tell-tale and would make the whole affair a clumsy mess. How can any sane person go along with the act where no love or emotions are involved is something which is not clear to me.

Two of my very popular short stories (I think both were published in Vikatan; one was even labelled as a muthirai kathai and I was given Rs. 3000 for a two page story) dwell on this subject.
In one story whenever the husband approaches his wife she would plead headache and go to sleep. He would seek his friend's advice. The friend, a very sane person, would advice him to share the household work with her. The husband would go overboard and on a Sunday would do all the work - cooking, washing, cleaning etc. That day the wife would be in "full mood". But the husband would plead headache and go to sleep.

I think the second story is right here in the site. I could find out the link. Here it is
http://www.indusladies.com/forums/v...al-stories/628-bland-reprisal-i-my-story.html

The one thing I fail to understand is about the couple who are at loggerheads having a physical relationship. The husband hates the wife as a person but loves her body. I feel like puking. Well to me that is worse than prostitution.

I am sorry
a) for the delay
b) if I have been frank on this delicate issue
c) if my opinion is rather too strong; but that's what I am.

love,
sridhar

imemyself said: ↑

Dear Sridhar,
We friends were discussing some common topic on marriage and relationships and somehow stumbled upon a serial which was telecast in Vijay TV , almost a year ago. It was a K.Balanchader series.
And the story line is not exaclty on sexual frustration. But also includes that.So thought i can post my thoughts here.

I remember only few parts ...let me put it across.

As the story goes, a husband(played by Late Actor Major SundarRajan's son, Goutham) and wife (played by Brinda Das -serial actress) live with 2 kids. The marital bliss is nil as potryaed in the serial. The wife's friends (college friends) decide for a get together. The wife is excited and decides to go. The husband doesnt object but within inside he is not happy and does some dirty trick of sending a telegram to her , as if sent by her relative or soemone. The telegram holds some news which would disrupt her trip. Later she finds out her husband played this dirty trick!

Also one another scene where, the wife is tired after the day's work and she puts her kids to sleep and decides to hit the bed. The husband wants to 'make out' but she says she is tired and goes to sleep.
Later she wakes up hearing the alarm sound. She usually gets up at 5.00 setting the alarm. She checks the clock, it shows 2.00 a.m. She wonders what happened and who would have set it at 2.00 a.m. Then her husband wakes up and tells he did it and asks her to come to the other room so that he could satisfy himself. She is angry, hurt and upset. But what could she do as a wife? She gives in!!!!
And the serial ends like she is seperated from him and she is happy maintaining her dignity and not being tied up in such a marriage.

this was the point we friends were discussing, where the wife has to give in to her man just because he 'needs' it and she is a 'wife'.
Is this reasonable?
Seeing her husband's sick attitude of playing dirty tricks and being suspicious she might not have that urge to 'sleep' with him. But because she is a wife should she give in?
As a wife wont she have her own feelings? I know a couple who are alwyas ar loggerheads.Their marriage is on the rocks but stil when it comes to making love my friend says she gives in to avoid a fight but she just doesnt have 0% interst in 'it'. I dont understand!! When u dont have the heart to it then the husband is bound to respect that. He can never force his wife!
aint it?
Or am i wrong here?
Click to expand...

Jaynat · May 18, 2009

Dear Sridhar Sir,

I was going through your posts as it has been a really long time since I logged into IL and I wanted to read your posts which I had missed. These words of yours kind of triggered my thought process...

There is one thing which I can never understand. Sorry for being so frank. If a woman is not interested in a physical relationship the signs would be so tell-tale and would make the whole affair a clumsy mess. How can any sane person go along with the act where no love or emotions are involved is something which is not clear to me.

It is indeed a very sorry state of affairs that what you have quoted above is true. Though there would be tell-tale signs, do you really think a person who is concerned only about his own needs would have the capacity to recognise the weariness, frustrations which are brimming on the surface of the lady's mind.

I have personally come across women who go through the motions just to have a peaceful life. Can these poor women really walk out of the marriage, the social security that it provides because of the differences of opinion in when it comes to their physical needs. I still feel the society is not advanced enough to understand that a woman too can have needs/preferences.

Of course there are always a few who are brave enough to come out of such relationships and establish a different life for themselves. But how far the society accepts them, more importantly treat them is entirely another issue. When a woman is not interested in physical intimacy, it really shows but still not all men are interested to even recognise these signs of disinterest, or try to analyse the root cause of such problems and find solutions for the same.
Just these thoughts came to me and I wanted to share it with you sir.

With Warm regards
Jay.

varalotti · May 18, 2009

Dear Jay,
You are right. There are many women, who are either not happy with the physical relationship, or hate it, but rather go through it in order to keep the marriage up and running.

I fully agree with you. Only very few women can raise against their husbands. Society is a factor which we cannot discount. And again if they have children it's all the more reason to keep up the facade of marriage. All true. No doubt about it.

But do you know what's the price these women pay? Their health is affected. Not just the physical health but even their mental health. This kind of conflict - thinking onething and doing the exact opposite - builds up a lot of residuary stress in the body which manifest as various kind of diseases when the women are past fifty.

What to do Jay? Women have to live up with a lot of injustice. This is one such instance.

The only remedy I have in mind is more of sensitivity for men and more of assertiveness for women.

Thanks for the fb, jay.
love,
sridhar

Jaynat said: ↑

Dear Sridhar Sir,

I was going through your posts as it has been a really long time since I logged into IL and I wanted to read your posts which I had missed. These words of yours kind of triggered my thought process...

There is one thing which I can never understand. Sorry for being so frank. If a woman is not interested in a physical relationship the signs would be so tell-tale and would make the whole affair a clumsy mess. How can any sane person go along with the act where no love or emotions are involved is something which is not clear to me.

It is indeed a very sorry state of affairs that what you have quoted above is true. Though there would be tell-tale signs, do you really think a person who is concerned only about his own needs would have the capacity to recognise the weariness, frustrations which are brimming on the surface of the lady's mind.

I have personally come across women who go through the motions just to have a peaceful life. Can these poor women really walk out of the marriage, the social security that it provides because of the differences of opinion in when it comes to their physical needs. I still feel the society is not advanced enough to understand that a woman too can have needs/preferences.

Of course there are always a few who are brave enough to come out of such relationships and establish a different life for themselves. But how far the society accepts them, more importantly treat them is entirely another issue. When a woman is not interested in physical intimacy, it really shows but still not all men are interested to even recognise these signs of disinterest, or try to analyse the root cause of such problems and find solutions for the same.
Just these thoughts came to me and I wanted to share it with you sir.

With Warm regards
Jay.
Click to expand...