Sex less marriage life

satchitananda · Dec 31, 2011

Hi Yalvil,

yalvil03 said: ↑

She also know she did a big mistake in the marriage decision.I asked about her future plan after the divorce .She told me she will go to job and if luck workout she may got a pair like that.As of now her ultimate aim is releive from me and my family without get any badwords from the relatives and society.I told her this is not easy as our locality.You should suffer for this decision.

This is a bit confusing. On one hand you are saying it will be difficult for her to survive a divorce in your society. So I assume you don't want that to happen. But in the very next sentence you are saying she should suffer for this decision, meaning you want her to suffer. So what is it you really want?

She dont care about that and thinking i try to convince her.Option for mens secon marriage is not much difficult rather than woman.

Yalvil, there are many people who get divorced - even women. May be your society or family may not forgive her, but again once the deed is done, they might just accept things with time. One can never be too sure. As for a divorced woman finding it hard to get married, well, it is not impossible if she finds someone outside the community.

Now my worry is she never feel in future she did a mistake in the divorce decision.

I agree with you that she might regret the decision in future. She does not seem to spend any time or effort on thinking about the consequences before she acts. But hopefully she will have learnt the hard way by now. This degree of irresponsibility is very surprising and annoying. But the question is how long will you keep punishing yourself for her irresponsibility? And what if she never accepts you? Why would you want to be miserable and let her continue to be miserable?

I will try my level best to save my marriage.

Can only wish you all the best.
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yalvil03 · Dec 31, 2011

No I am not her husband.But the character of the user is almost (95%) same as my wife.Some of the incidents of mine is differ from her story.Really I wonderd after reading her story.

maliniglow · Dec 31, 2011

Give her some time, or if you have any girl friend or her close friend let them give counselling to her. Tell them the situation happened, and they might advice her.

Most of the girls doesn't like family members or relatives advising, so you can deal this matter with your friend or counselling doctor as your friend. If this matter is handled by doctor, it will be fine, and they will be able to judge whether she will be able to make up her mind or not.

Just wait for few months, See any changes in her....

If you don't find any changes, you divorce her, and do not waste your time....

JGVR · Dec 31, 2011

talk to her parents.ask them to say some reason like bad time in horoscope and ask them to take her to their house for 2 months or so and give her good advice or atleast leave her alone for sometime.i believe a small separation might help her think.also don't let your parents or relatives to scold or warn her.the more they do the more she will move away from you.be calm and be patient if you want to live your life with her.if not tell everybody that she doesn't like to live with you and ask her to initiate divorce.

GMReddy · Mar 17, 2012

dear op,

hope the problem is resolved by now. it looks giving as much time as possible to your dw will work out.

developing friendship and giving her space may be right things to do.

it is only matter of time for you both to become wonderful couple.

best of luck.

indianinbayarea · Mar 18, 2012

yalvil03 said: ↑

Dear IL ties
I am silent observer of this site.Hope i will get solution for my problem here.

I got married with my cousin 6 months later.Before marriage itself I have good relationship with my cousin.Really I don’t know what kind of feeling I have with my cousin.I like her very much and affection with her.She also affection with me.After some time I feel I was in love with her.But I don’t have dare to convey my love to her.But I wish to marry her.She got job in abroad.After that her parents searching alliance for her.Basically their family middle class and my family also.In this time I came to know she has a one side love with her childhood friend who is relative also.When I came to know this I was very much upset and painful heart.After that I compromise my self and relieve from that feel.As per her expectation that guys family ask alliance to her family.Evrybody happy for that alliance.I am also happy for her expected life.But unfortunately that guy’s horoscope not match with her.Whole family totally upset this issue.And she also very much upset.After that all the family members decide arrange marriage with me.I never expect this situation.But I am happy for that decision if it happens.After that I want to know her thoughts about this marriage.When I spoke to her she told me she is not interested in this marriage.Then I told to her “ok no problem tell to your mother and father and stop the marriage”.She said ok for that.But she can’t compromise her family after that she told me to stop the marriage as I don’t like her like that reason.I told her OK I will try to stop but I can’t tell the reason like that(I don’t like You) I can tell” you are not intrest in this marriage”.she not accept this.Becoz she don’t want to get the bad name from the families and relatives.Then I decided to stop the marriage.When I try to speak about this to my mother she told me that’s not possible due to their poverty they can’t give her outside groom.They are interested to give you only like that.But behind a big reason is there for this decision later only my mother explained me.Becos of her family’s poverty her parents depends her uncle for her marriage expense and future expenses.Recently My father built a new house.That house construction time her uncle only take the full response and spend the excess amount(near by 9 lakhs).Any how that amount is given by credit only but he expect the faith for help.He told my mother to arrange the marriage .According to this reason I accept this marriage.But before accept I explained my situation to her and I told her I have no problem to marry with you .But if you are not comfortable told your parents and stop the marriage like that.She told me Ok .After that her grandma asking her wish about the marriage she accept to marry me.After that her grandma asking me about the opinion I said if she is intrest with this marriage I can accept.Her grandma told me she is intrest with this marriage.After the formal Engagement we have six months period for marriage.That six months we talked normal things only.We both feel uncomfortable about to speak the intimacy things.But hope all the things will be alright after the marriage.Thats the think only change both of our life.After the marriage proposal I was dream with her about my intimacy life.But she cant come out her old feelings.After marriage only we found how horrible the life it’s!!I was very much disappointment with her activities.she never agreed to had sex.She asked me some time to relief from her old feelings.I accept her request.But after a week she told me she can’t accept me as her husband and she never gone with me normal sex life.So divorce is the only solution to save our life like that.I was very much upset and told her pls don’t tell like this we will go for counseling it will cure all the things normal like that.But she did’nt accept that she is not willing to go to counseling and she don’t want to change her mind like that.After her statement I was totally frustrated and depressed.I never told this issue to her parents and my parents.But after a few weeks I told this issue to my brother.He explode that issue my family.After that all of the family members scold and warning her.All of them compelled to continue a formal married life with me.Now she is completely avoid me even speaking with me also she don’t see my face.Lying his face down and looking some where.I understand she was totally affected with emotional feelings.She told me she have brother feeling with me and she can’t go with intimacy life with me at any cost.But his adamant argument with me only not with others.If their parents and relatives ask about this she told no problem with us.But her mother knows her status and she request me “don’t tell this to anybody.”.Now she accept to go for counseling for their completion.But she don’t have confident to change her feelings”.
She told me girls mind fixed with one thing that mind nobody can’t change at any cost until the death..She can’t accept me as husband never.She is thinking me as brother only. beforeI don’t understand that kind of feeling now only I have doubt about her old love.How she think me as bro until death like that she think her old lover only husband status.Is it right?
Now I need some suggestion from you IL s.Shall I wait some more time(another 6 months) for this girl’s mind change?I decide if her mind will not change another 6 months time I will proceed to quit the marriage.Pls give me your feedback.
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By your post, it looks like you are a male. Why does your profile say that you are woman? Please change that

tinku · Mar 18, 2012

This is surely TamilJana's husband. Why do you people doubt it? The same story displayed on IL by both husband and wife (or may be one of them with two usernames probably)

Anyway, there's no point in simply discussing without the wife not even trying to understand that she is spoiling another person's future or failing to accompolish her own responsibilities.