Setting Healthy Boundaries

I'm President of a TM club.

We pay member dues, lot of the work is done by ordinary people like you and me.

Others take officer roles, higher roles just to get DTM, without care of the members.

I really think TM is a great concept, and each club, area, division, district is as good as the people running it.

Few pain points
1. Lot of the newer higher ups don't answer emails, let alone give support they are supposed to

2. Our previous Area Director had an ego, and a nasty tone. He didn't care if we had job after our meeting. And he was cheating on his wife (I know the tell-tale signs). Suddenly he stops responding to emails, phone calls even though he is alive and well.

3. To stretch myself, I took initiative to host Open House. For first time I ordered bulk pizza, and it was success (we got two new members!) I did this without support of higher-ups. Hopefully we will get reimbursed like they promised. I asked Treasurer if he needed anything and he didn't reply to email.

4. None of the higher-ups informed me of upcoming Contests. I didn't know, I am new to this. I found out from another Area Director who casually told me. I am organizing them without support of higher-ups. Luckily I have two experienced, enthusiastic members who stepped up to the plate and will compete



Now here is big pain point. I am not going to take this lying down.

We suddenly got a new Area director. I had bad experiences with the past Area director, especially since I was too open and accommodating. And now I don't like the vibes I am getting from her. In her signature block she is promoting her online business while corresponding with Toastmasters. Weird. She then sends a goey email that I am so great, blah, blah, can we meet.

I say sure, and propose a time. Then she acts like she doesn't know when our club meets. Well if you really cared you would have seen link to my club in my signature, it clearly says our meeting times. Then she says she wants to visit meeting. I say ok, then we will meet 5 minutes before. Then she says, she wants to have coffee afterwards.

Look, I'm already frazzled to the extent I may either resign from office, or not renew dues.

Then I email and explain how next several weeks are booked, especially since we have Two contests (again, no one told me, and I am doing this with the help of two, three members, without support of higher-ups). I then explain most members, including myself are working and attend club during our lunch hour. I even end club few minutes early so people can return to work.

Then she take a long time to reply and I am relieved, I thought I got her off my back.

Then she asks if she can attend certain date, when we have contest, and I say, "ok". Then she asks if she can speak for 5 minutes. Weird. I reply that I will check the agenda.

Look, I previously said we are fully concentrating on contest. Contestants are nervous, Organizers are running around, making sure everything goes ok, without support of higher-ups. I cannot afford to give her 5 minutes (which can turn to 10, 15, 20 minutes), especially during an hour contest where everyone has to return to work.

I thought about my reply and said we are fully booked till March, and penciled her in then. That too, at the very very end of the meeting.

Look, it has been less than a year I've been officer and already I see true colors of several people. And I am recognizing behaviors. Most importantly, my instincts are correct.

Any further advice? How to set healthy boundaries. Even now at work, I am very tight-lipped and reserved, only then I open up, depending on how you behave and how you treat me.

 

I totally agree ... my time and effort can be better spent at home with family who had your back, and job, who at least pays your bread and butter.

That's why I'm to,d to be wary of volunteering, what is the purpose.

 

I like when you say some ppl are Toast some ppl are Master
I agree, purpose is to develop leadership and learn to read between the lines. TM is a truly genius club and concept.

I do echo @Rihana when she says question yourself, ask if what you are doing is bringing more happiness, or more heartache. ..... This has been quite a learning experience!

 

Our original Area Governor was Missing in Action, hence the Division Director visited our club, made recommendations few months back.

And just recently this same Division Director appointed a new Area Director who appears very self-serving and inconsiderate of the club and members just from her emails alone.

This is a great idea

That is so true. This other lady who is a member of our Club, but Area Governor for different club was always aloof, barely answering emails, always saying she is sick. But she seemed quite eager to help me with Club Contest and now I know why.

Since this is club contest, with two contestants I'll only print contestant disclosure agreement (i.e. they are member in good standing), and contestant biographical info.

And if I cannot get judges I'll ask all members to stand, and write on piece of paper whose speech they liked most. Will do tallies the old fashioned way

Plus I purchased mini-trophies in the beginning of the year.

Yes, it just so happens I penciled in the self-serving Area Director for 5 minutes after the contest. She has not confirmed this, nor has she emailed me since.

Brilliant idea, because I have a feeling she will extend well after 5 minutes.

I'm the Chair Person. However, I also may be a Test Speaker for Evaluation contest because no one from club volunteered to be Test Speaker and I am so behind in speeches (was taking care of members, but not myself).

The Area Governor who is member of my club and always feigning illness recommended someone from her club. When that person said he couldn't make it but wanted his mentee, I said that another person wanted to be Test speaker.

Then this person is insisting that his mentee be the Test Speaker because no one in my club heard her speak before. I replied that this person from my club had their heart set on being Test Speaker (yes I do, it's been months since I've given a speech, and we only achieved 4 out of 10 goals and the year is almost over!!!).

To his credit he said that if I wanted this person to be Test Speaker so badly then he totally understands.

But my goodness, all the craziness that happens! I mean, Toastmasters is a great learning experience, because you are forced to assess people and their intentions. And I notice the higher ups in Toastmasters expect you to cross oceans, but they wouldn't jump puddles for you.

Goodness!

 

I checked the rule book .... there is no rule that says Chairperson cannot be Test Speaker .... believe me i checked because these same higher ups who are quiet will suddenly come out if the woodwork if they think they can put you down .... had this experience with someone else who luckily left the club!


I do love Toastmasters and the concept ...now I am thinking 10 time before I renew membership, or if I contest another officer post next year.