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Serious Problem - Please Help/suggest

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by DeepaJ65, Mar 29, 2018.

  1. GeetaKashyap

    GeetaKashyap IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Sandy,

    Very well articulated.:clapclap:
     
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  2. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    OP,
    The change in attitude and approach should come from your daughter. Unfortunately, this happened in her life. It was a life and death situation and she survived. Being alive is more important than anything else. Marriage and kids are part of our journey, but it not everything. She got a second chance to live in this beautiful planet. She is educated, have a job, supporting family and many blessings in her life which she should appreciate.. (Many people dont have it)

    I have many friends who dont have kids even after doing everything in their capacity (medically). I know how difficult it is and finally they accepted the reality and make peace with it. So there is no guarantee that everyone will be blessed with kids even when they are physically perfect.

    For every problem, be it a serious disease or situation like this, one has to accept the reality. That is the first step. It is quite natural to get depressed or worried. But how we face the issue? that will determine the outcome. The three steps I noticed.(1) realization of truth, (2) come in terms with it or accept ,(3) think well about what is a solution given the situations and positively approach it. That positive approach is very important to come out it. [lesson learned by me after depressing/painful episodes of health issues with no clue, but I come out of it. I read a lot about success stories of others who is in similar situation. That helped]

    Look like your daughter still is not able to accept it. What you have to do is have a heart to heart talk with her first and tell her you will be with her with unconditional support. Give her enough time to accept it and help her to get out of depression and build a positive attitude. She have to reach a level where she can say confidently that, what ever it may be I will face life with confidence and I will enjoy every moment of it.

    First of all you and your family should also change your attitude. Please dont force her for marriage and give her enough time. She had to be mentally and emotionally ready to start a new phace in her life. Please dont show a sad face showing your worry about her destiny. Try to deal with her like she is beautiful and perfect. That will give her more confidence. Better avoid any talk from anyone one this subject. Protect her. Ask her to focus on her job, her health, life and be a cheerful person again. Show that family is there with you with full support.

    In Indian society, every one directly or indirectly ask about marriage. Even I faced it, because I was busy with my studies. I know how much my mother suffered from those questions. But she silently supported me. That was a huge blessing. I faced those questions with a smile and completely ignored it. But everything fell in place in right time. (I agree my situation is different, but talking about approach. ).

    Like others above suggested there are many options like adoption etc if one want a different approach. But she has to decide what path exactly she wants to follow.

    Is there any way you can ask her to go for some therapy or counselling so that she can get out of this depression. She has to get out of it before deciding anything. Once she is ready she can post her profile in matrimony sites. (I have seen profiles similar to this). Most important is she has to be a confident, positive, and happy person with an open mind. I am sure she will find her soulmate. But have patience & support her. Good luck
     
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2018
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  3. DeepaJ65

    DeepaJ65 New IL'ite

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    Thanks @Shanvy
     
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  4. DeepaJ65

    DeepaJ65 New IL'ite

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    Thanks @GeetaKashyap
    This is very kind
    Stay blessed
     
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  5. DeepaJ65

    DeepaJ65 New IL'ite

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    Thanks @Sandycandy for your kind words, motivation and this is very well said.
    We agree that she is no less equal to others but this is not easily acceptable in society, we have faced it.
     
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  6. DeepaJ65

    DeepaJ65 New IL'ite

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    Thanks @DDream
    This is very grounded and thoughtful of you.
    Appreciate each & every advice you shared.
    Rightly said we are working to get her confidence & positivity back.
     
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  7. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    @DeepaJ65, I understand what you mean when you say the society is not so accepting. I met a lady in a temple and she came and introduced herself and requested me to help with regards to alliance, and her daughter has a mild disability and she was finding it so hard to find people who are open to it. When I say mild, with technology it is not even one..

    I still stand by what I mentioned that it is not necessary that our kids need to extend the family tree and the day we are open and accepting about this many couples will lead a happy life and we won’t see the amount of distress we see among the next generation.

    As a family be strong, make it clear that it is her being healthy and kicking is such a blessing and you are blessed. I know it is very hard, but a family that supports and stands by can help boost morale of the kid. Let her enjoy life and stop thinking not getting her married is a failure. Let her mingle with people, go on trips, check out wow tours she will meet other women on the journey and who knows may come to a clarity of what she wants to do..

    All the best to your family and loads of positive vibes your daughters’s way.
     
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  8. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Gold IL'ite

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    Please watch this super inspiring video of an this man born without hands and legs... We can only imagine how limiting this can be. But he lived a full life, even found love and married, has kids even and is a renowned motivational speaker. Only because he had parents who dint treat him differently and focussed on his abilities, not disabilities . thats what you need to do.Your daughter is now healthy and is fully functional in every way, don't grieve over her one medical anomaly. Marriage and motherhood while they enrich a persons life , are not the only path to lead a happy life. your girl has probably imbibed your belief that she might not ever find the right guy. I know plenty of men and women who are voluntarily childfree. Your daughter needs to find someone who values her for who she is , not her childbearing ability.
     
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  9. happydheivanai

    happydheivanai Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,

    First talk to ur daughter what she is thinking what is her plans..she like to get marry or not...

    Then first u alone go to some gynecologist and some good fertility hospital and find out what we can do it in this case.

    Start searing a guy who is ready to accept it....u can marry a widower with baby.he will value ur daughter ..and baby issue also Solved.or marry to a guy who is ready to accept and adoption..( don’t mistake me) instead of seeing ur daughter with dull face u can c her with a family..

    I can understand ur situation but from my knowledge this is a only solution.

    More than a baby ur daughter should get a understanding lovable husband...

    Being silent will not solve the problem ..just try to take some steps god will help u to come out of it.

    Think positive.
     
  10. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    You Don’t Need a Uterus to Be a Woman
    Woman born with no vagina says it won’t stop her being a mum

    uterus does not define a woman. if i was to look for a inspiration for your daughter i would be looking at some these people in the article who have gone through something similar.

    with medical techlogy growing leaps and bounds we read of uterus transplants and successful deliveries if that is a option you want to explore

    if you think you are doomed you will tend to be one. chin up, buckle up and start, you already took a great decision to have a healthy daughter, so nothing is going to stop you from helping her to learn to be happy.. because that is one thing she has to do by herself. move out of why me? to the it is ok i survived that phase, i am doing great and what is stopping me..
     
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