Sending money to MIL

Hi Pranatim,
Yes, I do understand that this is a very common issue faced in the Indian household, irrespective of what kind of people inlaws are, their social/ financial status etc. I quite understand that I should not be talking about it at all and don’t talk too. I shall try and be happy about the fact that at least he is not depriving us of anything.

 

Hi Apaasn,
Your reply was full of positive energy. It has certainly made me take things in a better way. I am not too sure of why he hid that from me, because he is a person with a very low EQ, and does not think of how hurt I might be with all that. However, it certainly feels a lot better to think that he hid it to not make me feel bad about the transaction.

 

Hi Pallavi,
Yes, treatment from inlaws has been bad. I am a person who normally keeps good relations with people, but that cannot happen for some reason with inlaws! For instance, MIL has given a portion of the house she lives in on rent. It has been rented out to someone who people in the neighbourhood say are not good (bad morally). Since it is a prime locality in this town, MIL would definitely get good families to rent the portion out, and I suggested she gives the portion to someone else after vacating them. But, MIL just ignored that (though all her relatives know how bad that family is). She does not vacate them because the lady staying there does petty jobs for MIL. Now a days it has gone so bad that MIl even goes and has her dinner there. As I mentioned, I used to feel very bad about it earlier, that I am not considered a part of the family, and she does not consider what I say, but these days I don’t think much about it.
Yes, my mom staying with me is partially a reason for all this. Initially DH was the one who invited my mom to move in with us when our house was being constructed. She supported us, in fact put most of her savings into our house. And now, how can I push her out of the house??? She has been telling me that she would move out and stay in her own house, but, I just cant do it! In fact, I have told DH that he can ask my mom to move out if that is what is bothering him…Regarding how much mom helps us and all that, I earlier used to make it a point to tell him about it. These days I don’t, because he gets agitated at times saying still we are providing her with food and other things, and that she is brainwashing me and the lil one.
I just hope these things stop affecting me…

 

Yes Bukbuk!
It was with so much difficulty that I accepted the fact that DH is not a good human being; not him alone, but MIL and his siblings too lack the basic human aspects of love towards other beings in society, consideration and empathy. I have accepted all that; what to do, cannot spoil life because of all that. He is least considerate and is very, very selfish. I have a very bad migraine problem and once in a while complain of the aggravated headache, but not even once has he asked me how I feel L. Ours was an arranged marriage and I/ my family had been too naïve to check on all this.. well! I accept it as my fate.
Coming to my family; I lost my father when I was 8. Mom was employed then too and thus she managed to give me good education and inculcated good values in me. I am her only child. She got me married to DH’s family because she thought they would understand what I might have gone through because my FIL had also passed away at a very young age of my DH (10 years). But, it proved wrong and I accepted the bitterness.
I don’t say that I have been 100% right in everything; I was a pampered kid and expected my DH and in-laws to pamper me too.. I soon understood that my expectations where very far from reality. I do not know how much DH loves his mom/ siblings. I have never seen them talk openly, frankly or discuss anything in these ten years. Once in a while, MIL sits right next to DH and hush-hushes for a few minutes, and I never understand what they talk. Similarly, DH does not call his siblings even once in a while and vice-versa. Now, being abroad, DH talks to his mom once every week or so.
My mom once scolded DH and stood by me when he raised his hand towards me for something (even that was related to finances.). From then, Dh has started being harsh to mom. I feel so sad for mom, but, am helpless. He kept on saying why cant she leave us alone, she is the one who creates problems in family and all that, and mom prepared to leave. But, the same man went to her and told that he had been angry and she should not leave. After a while, the taunts started again. Mom feels as if she has lost all her self-respected and is hanging on here. I don’t want her to leave, because, it is as if we have used her for all the good things she gave us. I also dread that mil may come over once mom leaves L.
I still wonder sometimes as to why my life is like this… but, I know I have to come to terms with it. I just live in the hope that some day things would turn good for me…..

 

Hi Renu,
Yes, he expects me to be transparent, while he can do what he wants. It was not specifically for the investment that he had a problem. It was for the fact that I decided and then let him know. But, he cannot let me know of anything...