1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Sending Daughter To India On Vacation

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Independentgal, Aug 2, 2018.

  1. Independentgal

    Independentgal New IL'ite

    Messages:
    15
    Likes Received:
    4
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Gals,
    Can you give some suggestions on this issue?
    After a long struggle in our marriage me and my husband are doing ok without expectations on each other.
    Next year in the summer my husband want to take my daughter to India on vacation,which he had done few times before.
    But I am really worried these days about sending kids to India without me.Because of all the sexual assualt on kids I hear from Indian media kills me.I am not at all interested in him taking my child who will be 10 yrs old next yr to India.He keeps the kid at home with his parents and he roams with his friends.If he spends 110 percent of time with my daughter I am not worried.But that is not the case.
    He is saying that if he cannot take kid to India ,he will not allow me to do that either.
    Right now I am 7 months pregnant and this is really putting pressure on me.Please share your perspective in this matter.
     
    ChennaiExpress likes this.
    Loading...

  2. Lalithambigai

    Lalithambigai IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    425
    Likes Received:
    3,218
    Trophy Points:
    405
    Gender:
    Female
    OP, thanks for sharing your concern and checking. While I do agree that it's a sensitive topic and recent coverage on such incidents can be scary to any parent, I am living in India and I see so many kids going to school and playing safely daily. I think your DD will be fine with her grand parents. You can request your DH that DD has to be with him or with her grand parents and you will follow the same when you travel. I can confidently say don't worry about this topic anymore and maintain pleasant thoughts for the LO in you :)
     
    sindmani likes this.
  3. ChennaiExpress

    ChennaiExpress IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,183
    Likes Received:
    2,093
    Trophy Points:
    300
    Gender:
    Female


    People in India can smell an NRI a mile away.

    It also depends what part of India. North is insanely dangerous, esp Haryana (crack-pots) and Uttar Pradesh.
     
    shama146 likes this.
  4. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,012
    Likes Received:
    338
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi,
    I disagree a bit with Lalithambigai. I too have same concerns and agree with OP. This is just sensitive topic and your in laws or H or people in india may feel you are overreacting. I know H never want to understand that their place is unsafe or these things can happen at their home towns or in their homes. They just do not know many men just find chance in every situtation to exploit female.. be it bus or busy home with lot of family members.
    My daughter is much small and some time back my H was hell bent to take her alone. I changed my itinerary to be with my kid. and I agree with another poster , up north starting from delhi all sickos.

    NRI kids are much innocent and can be easily talked into. Moreover their dressing or style or infact accent, some men get offended and take it on their ego. Do everything to keep your daughter safe.
    My H just gets all drooled over his family friends as they speak sweetly or call him brother or with respect because he is coming from outside and always with his friends as you said.
    I just prey situation changes and these sickos just die and if god is there, why does not he burn them. Pardon my words but my heart cries i hear these news everytime.
     
  5. shama146

    shama146 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    306
    Likes Received:
    320
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    I can very well understand ur concern. And is very much correct. Plz don't send her alone with Dh. When we were small we used to play till dusk all by ourselves. But now I never let my DD play till dusk. Our country is full of **** heads. NRI kids are more prone to such things.
    At current times I really wish i would have lived in some other country. Our country is full of sick men. Plz accompany your DD.
     
    pinky2cute likes this.
  6. ChennaiExpress

    ChennaiExpress IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,183
    Likes Received:
    2,093
    Trophy Points:
    300
    Gender:
    Female


    And I'd be wary of males within the family itself.
     
    candidheart likes this.
  7. ChennaiExpress

    ChennaiExpress IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,183
    Likes Received:
    2,093
    Trophy Points:
    300
    Gender:
    Female

    Interesting you mention this.

    There was a story of this in the Bible, i.e. God sent angels to the land of Sodom to destroy the wicked.
     
  8. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,050
    Likes Received:
    2,082
    Trophy Points:
    285
    Gender:
    Female
    OP, your concerns are genuine. If you are not comfortable, it is better not to send your daughter. You can tell you dh that you need company here as your are pregnant, you don't want to be alone. If he wants to go he can go alone or postpone the trip for another six months or more. You can also tell him that your daughter is approaching puberty (it is early now a days) and you want to be with her all the time, to help her if needed ( One of my friends used this as an excuse for not sending her daughter alone to India). Be assertive but talk in a way that wont be like blaming anyone or questioning safety in his home.

    If nothing works, please educate your kid about good/bad touch and how to manage situations if it is needed. Also not to get out of the house without grandparents permission or company, or be with them all the time or don't sit one anyone's lap other than her own parents ...... whatever you think is needed. You can also consider arranging a full time care provider (or maid help ) to be with her so you can make sure that some one is with her all the time. These kind of precautions are needed as most NRI kids are not exposed much there compared to those kids living there and also due to language issues. Of course, most grandparents take care of their grand kids well, but still...
     
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2018
    priyajagadeesh and shravs3 like this.
  9. peartree

    peartree Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,083
    Likes Received:
    2,951
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi

    I have a very different perspective on this.

    There are scores of children living in India, walking to school and playing in their apartment complexes and are just fine. There is no question that even the abuse of 1 child is too many, but to think that you can keep your child in a bubble and generalizing an entire region of men (like Delhi/North India) as sickos is quite unnecessary. So definitely think about the real reason you're not happy sending your daughter with your husband.

    Also, as a parent who has just as much concern about my child's well-being as the other parent, I would frankly be very offended if I were your husband with you implying that I am incapable of caring for my child in the same way her mother can. I am sure your husband is as sensitive to your growing child's needs as you are. And you're not sending your child with a random person, it is her dad that wants to take her along. I frankly think there are others reasons (may be conflict with in-laws or some such thing) that you're avoiding your husband taking your child along.

    My daughter (who is going to be 8) spends her summer with her grandparents and we usually go later, towards the end of summer to bring her back. I think it is a very enriching experience for her to be able to do that, when she walks with my mom to the market/temple/various relatives' houses. She is also learning to be independent.
     
  10. ChennaiExpress

    ChennaiExpress IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,183
    Likes Received:
    2,093
    Trophy Points:
    300
    Gender:
    Female

    One thing though ..... it's easier to victimize a foreigner who has a hard time traveling to India and back to pursue justice than a child who is native to India.

    Something to consider.
     

Share This Page