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Seeking solutions to my problems :(..Please help

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by PeaceAlways, Dec 27, 2011.

  1. blackbeauty84

    blackbeauty84 IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi there,

    You need to take ur very own time on finalising the guy this time. Whether its meeting 1000 times or 10000 times, till your heart says a firm YES, it should continue.

    Okay Consider he doesn't have anyone to talk about his ex, this may be an emotional outburst. Atleast you can excuse that. But why would someone want to know whether you cook, how you dress before meeting you even. Know this doesn't look like a good sign. How long does that take a person to learn cooking, don't you think he is imposing his views on how his future wife should be?

    Age factor: Generaly it's your personal comfort zone. I feel comfortable to interact with men in age who are 5-6 years elder to me. But it's yout call.


    I think you rush to decide something. If this whole thing taxes you, take a break in finding aalliances till your brothers's marriage. Come back with a fresh mind and start searching. Don't give in to pressure of your parents. It's your life you decide whom to marry & when to marry.


    Good luck
     
  2. beerbal

    beerbal Silver IL'ite

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    OP:

    What's the rush to marry? Enjoy your newfound singleness. Date a few guys. Get over being so sensitized about men.

    About the 34 year old guy: doesn't sound good. If his wife had an affair while married to him, very likely, he didn't take care of keeping her loved. IMO, bad bet right there! Of course other reasons may exist but his queries about your dress and cooking daily make me feel that he is not a good hubby, lover or a gentleman. Needing wife to cook daily as a precondition is silly. He wants to lord over his wife.

    Good luck! There are lots of good guys over there. Take your time.
     
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  3. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Agree with most of ur post but this logic is completely flawed.

    People stray because they choose to...the other spouse is a victim.
     
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  4. beerbal

    beerbal Silver IL'ite

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    Men and women have EMAs for different reasons. It is my impression that very few women have EMAs from a happy home where the husband is loving and caring. Of course there are bound to be few who may do it for the fun/heck/adventure/spice of it. If you read carefully, I said "very likely" in my post based on my belief that the majority of women doesn't.

    Men on the other hand are known to stray even with an extremely loving wife.

    Well, that's from my observations of people. Feel free to shed some light.
     
  5. Reflection123

    Reflection123 New IL'ite

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    If I were you....I wouldn't go ahead with such a man.
     
  6. ivlakshmi

    ivlakshmi Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi,
    I would suggest not to go ahead with this old age guy.. I knw divorce and searching for another is quite frustrating.. You are just 25, I would say "dont stop ur marriage search at the same time donnot rush " ..If possible try to get the search done through your relatives (if ur parents has good circle of friends and relatives)..better to marry some known person rather than unknown one..
    if u want to marry a 34 year old then get married at the age of 30 (4 yrs gap)..in the mean time u can buy a house of ur own and be financially stable till tht time..else marry some one with less age gap now who is more stable..
    u dont hav to adjust somuch with such matches just becoz u got divorced..keep praying god and all the best.. just leave this guy and try to search through friends/parents.
     
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  7. Barbie2013

    Barbie2013 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,

    i suggest you not to go for this match with hesitation.
    If not him u will get a better guy.
    With hesitation u shud never go for anything.
    I also married a guy with hesitation as my parents liked him so much.
    I faced many hardhsips before and after marriage and ultimately whats happening is we are going to get separated soon.

    Please dont go for it.
     
  8. Artbria

    Artbria New IL'ite

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    hi dear,

    am a recently married girl and as all other women, i too had my challenges and by God's grace, i am just overcoming, and going on with my life. My only suggestion for you is, pls be very very careful in your next commitment and be very patient...ITS UR LIFE; YOU SHOULD DECIDE. pls for sake of God, do the following things:

    (i) Do a real backgroud check on why this guy left his ex-wife; whatever may be the case...pls dont mistake me...if he is really 100% genuine, he wont bad mouth about a girl that too, his wife some months back, to you who is totally new to him...he may have 1000 bad experiences with her but, all he can say is, 'she was really bad and I left her'..thats it...

    (ii) Do not marry anyone, even if you have 1% doubt or untrust

    (iii) As you are well educated and settled in life, all you want is love and affection and nothing more..as you already have the remaining things...

    (iv) If you believe in horoscope, do a horoscope match between you and this guy...but, do it with a true, genuine astrologer

    (v) I dont think the age factor is a big thing...if there is good understanding, all things like age, color, status will vanish

    (vi) If a person puts a lot of conditions, expectations, then you have to think for another hundred time atleast before taking a decision....


    All the best!! may God bless you with a good match

    Regards,
    Artbria
     
  9. PeaceAlways

    PeaceAlways Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks everyone for your sane and timely advice. I have let go of this alliance and have immersed myself in studies. It is like I am back in college days and I feel wonderful :)

    Thank you once again :)
     
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