Seeking Help. Mil Problems

First things first! Do you work? Or are you dependant on your husband financially?

 

Hi

I can understand ur situation , Being a new mom its hard to be a early bird and most of time will feel lazy and tired.Since ur husband is not supportive, try to satisfy ur mil , so that ur husband will be pleased and try to understand u, after all ur mil is saying u to eat on time and keep ur self organized. Make some free time after lunch make ur baby sleep in the afternoon and u too nap at time, so that u wont feel much tired.

Ur problem can be solved if u adjust and come to a routine.. They are many women facing much more or extreme problem with mil's. When compared to others problems , ur's can be solved easily. Its all in ur hands. In joint family u should learn to flexible, Else before marriage itself u should have talked to ur husband about moving out of joint family, Because mostly its hard to change husband after marriage to convince to move out of joint family. Mostly men's are not supportive in this matter.

 

He can't take the kid away from mom.

 

Hi, I came across a similar situation with one of my friend. Exactly the same. It got so bad, she left home n refused to come back. as her luck would have it, her husband got a job offer in a different city and he took it just to fix this situation. Normally he would have never left his parents home.

It works in three ways,
1) u start adjusting n do as they say.
2) u stand ur ground n wait for dem to give in.
3) d half- half situation, u do as much as u can n dey hav to compromise too. Like u will sleep in n wake up late then help in making lunch, dinner. It would b a rocky start, but somewhere ur mil will also get tired of complaining and ur hubby hearing it, n dey will start accepting it. U rnt gona get d best dil award. But all can compromise somewhere.
N btw, d kids stays with d mother. Ppl jus uses it to blackmail the poor mothers to try to control them.

 

Whenit comes to Indian families. You cant be honest and straightforward. You got to be clever and diplomatic. You first havw to act as if you are very sincere to your hubby and fine with mil. You wake up next day so early in yje morning and bath and dont cook in kitchen. Say your daughter is crying and want to be with her. Yhen you do the pooja and act very casually and serve food for your dh fil. Serving hand is more important than cooking. Then you acf as if you are working 24 hours and take resg whenever you want. Trust me straight forward and honesty dont work in Indian families at all. Find mil weak spots and fill the gaps. Lets say your mil forgets stuffa you ensure you cover her gaps and blow your horn gently.

 

Indian families expect too much out of their DIL. They cannot understand that women of today have extra responsibilities and have brains too. We find it hard to follow some rules and regulations because they don't make sense to us. But who will explain this to the in laws? You have to be smart and tactful in dealing with them. No body likes people who are short tempered and straight forward, it does not work in Indian families. If your husband cannot see that your MIL does not treat you well, then the chances are he thinks you are over reacting and is tired of your complaints. In this case, you have to be very tactful in dealing with them. Anyways, your MIL will not live for ever, you have to adjust only for a few years.

Also, introspect yourself and see what could you have done differently to have avoided this situation. Try to think if there are any flaws in you and work on them. All the best to you dear!

 

The irony that a grown man can't stand physical separation from his mother but is willing to separate a 1 year old baby from her mother!

Your husband cannot do any such thing. Be strong and confident.

Make your life decisions be it big or small as a responsible adult. Don't pay attention to their complaints. The only soul in your house that you are responsible for is your baby.

Be diplomatic and don't pick up fights. Don't complain to husband. By now, you know that he is not a fair person and don't expect that trait from him.
Stop asking for separate home. You live your life as you deem fit. Let your mil do the complaining.

Once baby starts solid food or close to 1 yr, search for a good nanny and start working. Inform your husband that you need to work since you need financial security - he threatens you to move out of your own marital home.