Secret bank account

Pontu · May 11, 2011

Dear Friends,

How many of you have a bank account that your spouse is not aware of? I have been thinking of opening a bank account without informing my dh. I have saved some money from my household budget and it will be only for buying international (india) calling plans.
Due to some vague reasons, which I am unable to understand even after 12 years of marriage, my dh doesnt like me talking to my parents and bro often. I talk to them sometimes in his presence and those calls are quite short. I communicate with my bro via email and skype frequently without his knowledge but as my parents dont use computer, I cannot talk to them freely. We are a small family...just me and my bro. They are getting old and they love me and my children a lot and look forward to speaking with me. In our calls, we mainly discuss abt my dads job, their health, their retirement plans, my bro`s marriage etc. I cannot talk freely abt these things in my dh`s presence as he makes sarcastic comments abt my parents and bro and has behaved rudely with them on several ocassions. On the other hand, he calls his mom in india everyday, his bro, his sis and his nephews on a regular basis and those calls are long. No use discussing with him why I cannot talk often...i tried in the past many times and it only leads to arguments and spoils the atmosphere at home...he says my dad earns well so if they want to talk to me they should call me...well, his bro and nephews earn well too, but they rarely call... anyways, i cannot change the way he thinks as he is stubborn and proudy. My parents and bro call me on and off but I cannot call them often and this is making me very depressed. I am unable to buy phone cards as stores are far from where I live and I only have a learner`s permit yet. l want to buy a calling plan to india but I need to have a bank account to make the payment (they ask credit/debit, check or money order).
Is it easy to open a bank account here in the US and what is the minimum amount? Do I have to deposit money on a regular basis to my account once it is opened? Do I have to pay a fee (monthly or yearly) to keep my account active? Please suggest me a good bank or any other option that can serve my purpose.
Friends, kindly provide your feedback as it will help me immensely.

Thanks a lot!

asuitablegirl · May 11, 2011

If he gets mad when you call your parents, what will he do if he finds out you have a secret bank account? I just don't understand why you can't tell him that you are going to use xyz amount to call your parents. If he argues, couldn't you just ask him why he's allowed to call HIS family whenever he wants? Really, you shouldn't have to hide like this. You should just be able to do it without all this drama.

But to answer your question, bank account requirments depend on the bank. Ideally, you should be able to find a bank account that offers you a checking account (debit), with no minimum balance requirments and no monthly fees.

ars · May 11, 2011

No Not a good idea to have a secret bank account. Although you should have a seprate account if you want one but not secret.
I think next time you call your parents in front of him don't keep it short. Talk what you want and how ever long. Let him make rude comments, have tantrum and what not. You just stay quiet and no reaction from you.
How long will he throw a fit when you are not reacting or trying to convience him.
Some people you have to show it in action not by words which will ony lead to fights and arguments. He wont accept he is wrong. Same way you cant stop talking to your parents.
Good luck with your driving license. Focus on that first.

justanothergirl · May 11, 2011

There are some control issues with ur DH that needs to be addressed but since that is not what the thread is about let me give u a simpler solution. Why dont u guys get Vonage home .ITs $24.99 one flat rate..unlimited calling to India. Dont tell ur DH its for ur family ..just tell him its much cheaper with vonage.You can talk to ur parents whenever he is not around.
Now about the bank account with a DH like him I see no reason why u cannot have one of ur own. However couple of questions..are u earning?
How do u plan to keep the account alive?Is it going to be a one time deposit from ur savings form India? ..That may not be very beneficial..Most banks prefer to have Direct deposit of ur pay checks to keep checking account free.Otherwise the fees will add up over time. Also to open a Bank A/C u need to give ur soc.sec number and if ur DH ever pulls out ur credit history it will come out .
I prefer not to go that route.

Pontu · May 18, 2011

Thank you all for your suggestions. I also think opening a secret bank account is not a very wise option for me. But i really need to find a way to buy calling cards etc. Talking to my H abt why he can talk whenever he wants and i can`t is not applicable to me anymore as i have asked him many times...he doesn`t give a straight reply...gives silly excuses, like my parents r well to do so they shld call me if they miss me...etc and becomes more adamant and tries to show he is in control...money is not a problem as i can shop freely, eat outside, even can call my friends overseas...but i slhd not call my parents often...restrictions r only for my parents and sibling...
i don`t like hiding and secretly calling myself, but i dont have a choice...i have to call my parents as i like talking to them....they have done so much for me..and it is my duty to give them some pleasure in their old age by just talking to them...life is too short and i wont wait for him to realise his mistake...actually he inspires me to be in touch with my parents more often as he is extremely caring when it comes to his mom and siblings...he makes sure he calls his mom every single day...visits her twice a year...when he is on a trip, he reminds me to call her instead etc...
So i just have to find a way to buy calling cards etc...i do have a social security card and a bank account here which he is aware of, and he promptly transfers enough money in it as i pay most of the bills and use it for groceries, shopping.
He checks the statement often...so any shopping relating to phone cards/calling options will be visible to him and raise serious trust issues as i handle part of his salary...
Is there a way one can delete or hide a certain shopping done using a debit card or checking account?

Priya16 · May 18, 2011

Pontu,

Looks like it's bothering you a lot.I am pretty sure he is unreasonable towards you but he is taking care of other things pretty well.May be some ego issues fromt he marriage.
Looks like your parents are well off.In that case,these days calling from India is not a big deal.You are getting as same price as you get from here.
Second option,is there anyway your parents can get the vonage through someone and they can pay that everymonth(25$ or so-that way,they get the US number)and you can call them often.
Ofcourse you can give them that money back whenever you visit them.

ProudIndian · May 18, 2011

Why don't you save cash regularly from your shopping etc and buy calling cards with cash from seven eleven or any shop. it will be easy I think. Are you working? If yes then you can open your separate a/c easily and make paperless statements or give office address to bank instead of home address.

justanothergirl · May 18, 2011

Its all about calling ur parents without ur DH knowing..I still dont understand why u cant switch to Vonage and be done with it.
U can call ur parents any time ur DH is not there and since its one flat rate of $25 bucks a month it will really be economical.

semaphore · May 19, 2011

Is there any friend who can take in their name and you can give them cash every month.

I understand your situation. Its not that easy to open up heart and talk to loved ones when you have somebody watching you/conversation in disturbed environment.

Vonage is good idea as suggested by others here.

However if you use calling card and dial from cell ph. Dont your Dh know from call history..?
Just think in all angles.