Seasonal Fightings...as strange as this sounds

Rakhii · Apr 1, 2013

Ladies, lately I have been worried/reluctant about opening a few threads as one of my acquaintance (whom I know through IL and met) has started talking about thread/response which I wasn't comfortable with when I met her and told her so as gently as I can. But this needs your attention, so here I go.

I have been noticing a pattern in my relationship with my DH over the past 6 years. From 3 years onwards, I can clearly pin point that the "issues" start between us sometime late in January and go on until end of April. We fight for small things, like, really small things. I will mention a few of them below and maybe you can see what can be done. Makes me wonder if both of us are going through some kind of a seasonal disorder. Some of them sound funny, but, its extremely frustrating when it happens.

Scene 1: He is driving the car, I accidentally move my hand in such a way that my hand brushed past the ipod...but not knocking it off.

DH: (raised voice) Look what you are doing! You almost broke the ipod. Remember we spent money buying it.
Me: Huh? Why are you yelling? Nothing happened, its not even off its dock!
DH: Oh so you worry only when something happens?
Me: Why are we even arguing about this?..Its ok when you do something but its not ok even when I accidentally does something, which doesnt result in anything.
DH: This is the problem with you...you get defensive at the drop of a hat...

and then the fight began.

Soon after: Scene 2: I was keeping the stroller in the trunk and kept my phone on the car parked beside ours.

DH: Why are you keeping the phone on someones car?! Its not our property.
Me: What the hell is wrong with you? From morning I am seeing, you get pissed off for small reasons? Whats your problem?
DH: Its you who have a problem. It would have taken same amount of time for you to keep the phone on our car, but no, you keep on theirs.
Me: Just dont talk to me ok (when he puts his arm around me).

Thats how the fight began...

We seem to be cold with out being cold with each other. I know this phase will last for at least 3 months. I have seen this happen since 3 years...including last year when I had a new born in our hands.

How should I go about this? Yes, I considered seasonal disorder. Actually a few things seem to go in favor of this seasonal disorder.
Also, as part of our weight-loss, we both are on low-carb diet. Apparently, that could be the culprit too. I tried convincing him to go to our family doctor and discuss this but he is refusing to see a pattern.

what shall I do? I cant go on like this until end of April.

Priya16 · Apr 1, 2013

You can count on me too

I feel especially my husband had a agressive personality and also controlling personality.
So obviously he likes to control thing as much as he could.

the day ,they realise,you also adult and you handle things differently then lifes will become peacful.I don't think the day will come

In my two dd's one DD let her dad controlles her and second DD wouldn't take it.And he stays little away her.
Ofcourse he loves them tremendously and responsabile.But this controlling nature is there in his genes.

Did you know,how your husband feels after the fight??Is he ok with those??In my case,my husband dosn't take much into mind.He just says in the minute and will be normal next minute.But at the same time,he can't control the tongue during that minute and also temper.

Recently once incident happened,where we have something in school for kids.Most of the times,my husband reaction is don't go to school and there is no need of going to those events.But obviously I go to them and I will do whatever needed for the fighting .So I am a non-respectable wife for him.

I have one friend,who also was in similar situation and where her husband told her that don't go and she didn't come.She is fine with it.See there is lot of difference.So I can't tell which is right or wrong here.Each peson is different and each family is different.You just have to fight for what makes you happy.

When is grumply,just leave him sometimes or if you want to show your frustaion do it differntly instead of arguing.

If you think,it's just of the April then avoid going with him .for me that will run whole year

nicegirlradhi · Apr 1, 2013

on a lighter note, i think you have a perfect marriage with occasional fights with spouse. In fact me and my DH are like this almost round the year

Rakhii · Apr 1, 2013

Priya16 said: ↑

You can count on me too
Click to expand...

Thanks Hun.

He had witnessed a lot of things when his parents were separating and I think a lot of insecurity boils up from that. And mine is exactly like your, likes to be in control and most of the times I just let him be. The problem starts when he is not accommodating even for smallest things (examples given in original thread).

I know he loves me to bits...had a row with inlaws because they wouldn't treat me well (he never made up with them till date). Had a row with my mom because she said my cooking lacks taste; told my sister off because she said I look fat in orange sarees (he made up with mom and sis in 2 days). Will not tolerate anyone ever pointing any fault at me..

BUT...he makes up for all of that in his nitpicking...my best friend tells me that I have to accept him as a package...Caring but controlling. I do it all year long. But I loose it between jan-april and that's when the trouble begins.

I tried everything in the book, silent treatments to walking away to fighting to bla. Feeling so frustrated today. And its frigging cold outside...God knows where spring is.

Edit: I need to add that he is a wonderful dad. takes care of my DD a lot during his days off so I can rest, helps a lot in cooking.

Rakhii · Apr 1, 2013

nicegirlradhi said: ↑

on a lighter note, i think you have a perfect marriage with occasional fights with spouse. In fact me and my DH are like this almost round the year
Click to expand...

I am sorry to hear.

ars · Apr 1, 2013

Rakhii,
I had to give a quick reply as soon as I read jan to April. Aaah the dreaded tax return season in US.
I always tell my h most divorces must happen during this time of the year. Both of us are easily irritated during that season. Now I will go back and read rest of your post.

ars · Apr 1, 2013

Now after reading the entire post. LOL.

nicegirlradhi · Apr 1, 2013

Rakhii said: ↑

I am sorry to hear.
Click to expand...

i said it on a lighter note. If you are hurt coz of my comment im sorry

GiJoe · Apr 1, 2013

Rakhii,

I think it is the winter that is causing all the seasonal fights What you have mentioned is very common issues between couples, the only way to avoid it is to learn the hot buttons of each others and not press each others hot buttons. I think you are fully capable of handling issues like this :thumbsup

TimidlyConfidnt · Apr 1, 2013

Since you say its only in the early months of the year.... blame long winter months. Being inside for so many months does a lot of things to our moods. I am less tolerant as the cold months get longer.

I have noticed I am happier and more cheerful on sunny days even in winter compared to dull/gloomy/cloudy days. You are even further north than us. My hub had a conf in Puerto Rico this January and when he came back, all he said - "I was happier in warmer weather". Coincidentally, my neighbor also took a vacation a week later to same destination and agreed with the same - "happier in sunnier climate"

If this is the case only suggestion I can give is taking a short vacation to warmer climate to break the monotony of winter months.

And if that's not possible, take Zyrtec - it works on seasonal "allergies" :rotfl