Save my marriage

Dont worry mother -child relationship is above to all these things .Just be bindass

 

I hear you. Most men don't know how to handle this kind of situation. He has a wife on one hand, who is his life partner and his mother and sister on the other, who he can not hurt. Unfortunately, not many nice guys have the courage and stand by his wife. I don't blame the men, it is the society we have to blame.

Your problem is not unique in any way. Your sil is a divorcee, but even if she wasn't, there could be any reason for this kind of behavior.

Having said that, your child is really little and you are spending way little time with him. You have a reason to worry that you and your child might lose the bond that mother and child usually have. It is a strong bond and chances of that happening are quite low I think. However, if you are working 6am-9pm, you have very little time left for housework, yourself, your spouse and your child. You need to take out time for all of these. So, set out your priorities and plan out your day in such a way that you have time for everything.
Is your career the most important thing for you? If it is, then I think it wasn't a good idea to get married or have kids.
Managing such a demanding job with household affairs can be daunting for any one.

 

No, you can't expect your ILs to move, if it is going to cause them inconvenience. Is it possible that you move to some place near your work place without your ILs. It is still going to be difficult because then you will need someone to look after your child. But you have to make a choice. You can not have everything in life. 4 hrs. commuting is too much.

 

Hmm... this is quite a hard problem to solve. You are in a tough spot. I would suggest you stop fighting with your husband first of all. He is not against you or ill-treating you as far as I can tell. The situation is such that he too is helpless. The problem is mainly his family which you feel is too interfering. First, I think you have to change your habit of showing anger and reacting on wrong person. Why are you fighting with your husband? He is not doing anything to the kid. So no matter how mad you are dont show that on the innocent or helpless person. Also you need at least one person on your side in that house. So instead of fighting your husband make hiim on your side. Once you do that maybe he will also take in some of your suggestions regarding house etc.

Secondly, you are getting angry and developing hatred when you see your mil and sil take care of your kid. why? dont let emotions build up and then explode. This will work against you. Be calm and sort out your feelings. What exactly are you upset about? You have to go into that emotion and see what you are really upset about, instead of just reacting. If your issue is that you want to spend time with the child, then say so calmly and carry it off to your room. Tell the child you play with patti and athai all day, come now play with me. Show all your love to your child in the time you get. You yourself are admitting you need them to handle the child durign the day. So go to them, acknowledge their help and with a smile say I will take this naughty off your hands, you take rest. No one can object to a mother spending time with her child.

Like this, try to deal with the issues smoothly on by one instead of keeping quiet, building up tension and exploding. Then even if your point is justified, no one will pay attention to your point. They will only react to the anger and the explosion and say oh she fights, oh sh is bad etc. So try to deal carefully. The more calmly you make your point, the more likely people will listen to what you have to say.

Good Luck!

 

Did you guys consider re-marriage for your SIL.

It appears to me as if your IN-LAWS want to make sure that your SIL would not go uncared for, and they are trying to keep her occupied, and build a bond with some-one (ur baby here), so that she would not lose heart.

They are parents, who are taking care of their daughter to the max possible.. and treading on all your happiness in the way.

They are assuming their son's & DIL's life are settled well, and concentrating on their 'troubled' daughter.

Ofcourse, the kid will build bond with whom-ever it spends time with. So, make sure you have the kid to spend time with you during nights and week-ends, so that you will get time to spend with your kid, and bond well as a Mom too.

 

I have a question for you. Who takes care of the baby when you are working? Nobody can brainwash your baby against you. Your SIL playing with baby is good for your baby as well which means he is taken care of well in your absence. I think you are mixing too many problems together. 4 hrs of travel is too much. You can be spending that time with baby if you stay nearby.