I wasn't sure which way I was heading towards! How much ever I think, how much ever I plan, some thing else happens and the tedious process and precision that went into charting out a direction is nullified. I have been trying this way quite from sometime. Not the kind of person who usually gives up, I just kept all that was going inside myself in pause and quietly went to the beach and sat on the sea shore. My body was there but my mind didn't execute the 'pause' order. The thoughts of which way to decide are still roaring like the sea. Sun is about to set and I turned my head towards the ships lighting up to face darkness. 'Beautiful sight!' I sighed! 'But ships are meant to sail, not to rest safely at the shore,' my intellect reminded me one of those famous quotes. This moment, this very moment, as I sit facing the waves, all I need is some peace, some freshness and some joy, not intelligence nor even direction. I am here tired of searching! Just then, my mobile rings. It is Ram calling from US. I have been blessed with a loving life partner. Ram cares so much for me and expresses it so beautifully too! "My dear! I am at the supermarket. I bought everything you asked for. Anything you forgot to tell me?" Ram asks from the other side. "Nothing Ram." I answer back. Finishing the call, I just decide to get up. The mobile rings again. It's Gautami, my childhood friend. "Geeta! The lucky you! Got a great husband like Ram! Your safety harbour is assured my dear!" I smile. Is having a wonderful husband the end of the road for a girl? I didn't ask her since she is not yet married and she can never understand at least at this point when she's dreaming of a great husband! Safety Harbour!' I like the word. Gautami entertained me enough with her future expectations and fantasies after that. My mind felt lighter and I could now enjoy the waves hitting the shore however mighty they look from a distance. I spoke to my mother that night. "Plan your kid. He'll keep you occupied." Though I love having a kid, I could make out that having kid alone is not the answer to my inner turbulence. Ram came back after a week. Being with him is always a joy. We run into each other endlessly blabbering our sweet nothings! "Ram! I just need to do something. I need to discover my world before we plan our baby. Everyone tells me, having a good family life is like having a safety harbour. But that's not everything is what I feel! Not just feel, I am clear. Being mother is one part of me, being a wife is another part, so is being a daughter too! There is some thing I need to give myself too! Why doesn't anyone understand that, not even you?" I authentically question. "You'll do darling! Just Wait! Every dog has its day!!" Ram wants to end this kind of conversations quickly in the best interests of both!! "WHEN?" I fume. "Come! Let's go out and have your favourite Chinese food." Ram pulls me out. To ask Ram to go beyond his limitations is sure suffocating the joy that keeps us joined. I see no reason in putting pressure on him on things he cannot relate to. Trying in words to make someone understand something that hasn't naturally opened up in them is a futile exercise. At least the end result of the same is that it hurts your partner and you alike and disturbs the bonding. I am more than content with what Ram gives me with in his understanding with all his love. We enjoy a great dinner together that night. 'Only I have to trace it out!' I remind myself. The fact that I hold none responsible for my plight boosted my self esteem. I slowly became more relaxed. When you are deeply relaxed, I gradually became aware that you fall in love with yourself. Being in love with oneself is the most beautiful concept! Self-love opens the inner doors of joy and freedom. There is contentment without a reason. I realize that direction opens up at its own free will. This most soothing state sustains us till then and helps even beyond! Inner joy and freedom made me more tolerant and forgiving too. As I kept discovering the inner wonders and vastness of life, one fine morning, I got a job offer as an Assistant Equity Research Analyst. This is one job I have been aspiring with no bounds! The numbers fascinated me more than the money. It took me a very long time to get this good break. But the time in between gave me a feel of what timelessness is!! I wonder, 'God! Every facet of life has a PURPOSE!' Aspiration and Search must out beat Brooding! It is the intensity of pain and the strong will to get out of it that open the doors of inner discovery. Pain purifies our inside and Outcome heals! Shed millions of tears, waste many many hours, but not ever give up! My changed outlook has made my job with all its ups and downs too an ocean of joy! I now attribute all my material success to that inner state which heals when trusted and makes understanding of any concept or issue easier and stimulating. It is the gold mine of inner strength and progress. It is LIFE and my Safety Harbour!