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Rude,adamant Six Year Old..help Pls

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by anika987, Jul 13, 2018.

  1. September2015

    September2015 Bronze IL'ite

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    My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry. But there is hope you see, my mother took care of a child like this. You need to focus on your anger and not your hurt. Calm Anger can scare a child into respecting you. I will explain further down.
    You know what worked? Ignore the child especially during a tantrum. And---- cold water I will explain.
    You must produce no reaction except what kind of behavior you expect from the child. Explain, to the child what is necessary. But the moment the child reaches to hit you or pull your hair you'll have to be grab the child firmly by the wrist tight enough to shock the kid. Show the kid you are angry without yelling. Put on your most serious mean face, give the child intense eye contact.
    Eventually they will get tired of screaming.
    Leave the room if you must and allow the child to scream inside. If the child starts throwing things, leave it that way and tell the child they cannot come out until the mess is cleaned up. Let the child scream. You leave the room, you must show no sensitivity or weakness. Kids don't know what to do with that. The child won't go to sleep, or makes you late for their school? As my cousin caused me to be late to school with a tantrum....
    In order not to beat the living hell out of a kid as it's too easy and can get out of hand. Resort to splashing cold water on the kid. That will shock the kid. My mother took my cousin fully clothed (as we were getting ready for school) picked her up firmly and swiftly and turned on the cold water shower. She stopped yelling really fast.
    I was a kid myself and I wanted my mother to beat her up. I was in first grade at that time. I am surprised that my mother didn't beat her up. That girl was the WORST, like the devil's little sister...
    Keep a spray bottle handy, when you are at home, every time she acts terrible spray her in the mouth. She needs to be shocked into respecting you. She needs to see a side of you she has never seen. You've tried everything else and you know it.
    As far as your driving, and almost getting into an accident. You didn't say if you spanked/beat her or not. If she wasn't punished for that she'll think only she and everyone is important but not you? ICE COLD WATER, keep some in the fridge ALWAYS...splash of cold water in the face (if you don't have a spray bottle will shut up anyone)

     
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  2. peartree

    peartree Platinum IL'ite

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    Cold Water? :-o Anika, I don't know that you should spray your child with cold water. A firm stance and consistent response to certain unacceptable behaviors will work, as it did with mine.

    I sometimes feel I was too strict with my older daughter and that kind of affected her confidence. She seems to have some hesitancy in wanting to do something that I would think any normal 7 yr old would do. So I would not advice shouting or any kind of "punishment" but more like a consequence... no screen if she behaves a certain way and no amount of crying or screaming is going to change that... that kind of consistency.
     
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  3. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    I am a mother to two rambunctious boys. Cold water is something I do not recommend. The goal is not to shock but to be consistent with disciplining the kid.
     
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  4. mangaii

    mangaii Finest Post Winner

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    I'm a mother of a strong willed girl. I would never encourage cold water method . Please consult a doctor to rule out any medical problems before approaching this. Sometimes as first time moms we imagine too much. We are over protective and in long run it causes more damage. After parenting my second child, I feel I should have been laid back with my first one.
     
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  5. Rojagarden

    Rojagarden Platinum IL'ite

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    Consult child behavior therapist. They usually suggest weekly therapy sessions using toys, etc. Kids usually opens to therapists about their anger issues, anxiety, etc and therapists usually give them ways to deal with anger - like calm time, counting to 100, deep breathing techniques. Also consult child nutritionists - they may suggest changing diet like sugar free, gluten free, clean eating may help. Sometimes the food may be bothering from inside that bursts out as anger.

    About the car seat incident, show videos of road safety and why it’s important not to disturb you when driving. It’s okay to tell it can cause accidents and fear mongering is also ok - like police can watch inside the car and see if someone is disturbing The driver and take action, etc.

    Since you said she behaves well outside your house and in school, I think she’s using you as her emotional outlet. Mostly kids grow out of these behaviors on their own between 7-9 when they start understanding other person’s emotions. Try to be with her during bedtime and talk about the day. Keep talking to her calmly about the good and bad situations that happened that day, start with appreciating good behaviors, then calmly say you were upset with bad behavior and talk about emotions. End the talk positively that she’s a good girl and How the next day will be more postive than that day. Also give lots of hugs and kisses before she sleeps. Keep talking everyday even though you think she’s not listening. She'll Definitely think about it when alone. It’s a phase and it will pass. Don’t worry.
     
    Last edited: Jul 19, 2018
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  6. Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    @September2015
    I have something to say on this subject.
    When we were children over 70 years back, corporal punishment used to be the only way to discipline a child. Both parents and Teachers resorted to this method mercilessly. One of my classmates became deaf in the left ear due to a resounding slap by the teacher. Parents were no better. A neighbor of ours used to tie his erring children to a tree and thrash them mercilessly.
    We were fortunate to have had parents who thought differently about disciplining us. They never touched us to discipline us. We received lots of counselling especially from our mother. Thanks to this highly dignified way of correcting an erring child, my brother stood all India First in IAS and eventually became the Chief Secretary of Tamilnadu. I myself became a Probationary Officer in State Bank of India.
    And the girl who was tied to a tree and beaten mercilessly lost all interest in study and became a ticket vendor in a Theater. I have been fortunate to have had wonderful parents who never ever spanked us.
    Merciless spanking of children indicates our own helplessness and inability to think differently. Corporal punishment is now prohibited by law. If a Teacher spanks a student, there will be instant durna by the parents in front of the school. A child has the option to complain against his own parents for harassment.
    So let's not even talk of this cold water treatment and similar ways to discipline an erring child. Unlike the past, we have now excellent counselors who can tell us how to handle a difficult child. Let us not think of harsh ways to discipline an erring child.
     
  7. paru123

    paru123 Gold IL'ite

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    How is that cousin now?
     
  8. diva31

    diva31 Guest

    hey Anika! I hope you are doing well. I just read your post. I am new at this forum but i am loving helping mothers with their problems. I am also a mother. I have 6 kids. I think that raising kids is the biggest challenge of your life. My first triplets are almost 14, a son and two daughters. handling three at the same time was very hard i must say. Then I have a son who is now 10. and the youngest is a 3 years old son. so, you can say that I have raised two daughters and two sons from this age that you are talking about. I know lady what it is like to raise kids. I have read your daughter's story. I would say that all you need to do is to keep balance. Don't be too strict or too polite. she definitely needs your love, attention, and care but also a little strictness, anger, and punishments. You would miss all of this once she will be a grown up. god, bless you and your family! Love!
     
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  9. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    six kids! wow..how did u do it? You must really be a supermom.
    yeah as u said I need to find a balance.I will develop more pateince too.thanks for the reply:)
     
  10. diva31

    diva31 Guest

    What I wrote 6? it was a typing mistake. They are 5 in total. 3 lovely sons and 2 beautiful daughters. And how did I do it, well I was lucky to have triplets at my first and then 2 single ones. and my husband and I are not givong up on having more :D
     
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