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Rude,adamant Six Year Old..help Pls

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by anika987, Jul 13, 2018.

  1. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    My LO has been a difficult child from the start.She did not speak until three and so everything she did was shown by crying,tantrums etc..For eg:I have to sing a song to put her to sleep even if it is one hour and if I stopped singing she will slap me in the face all of a sudden.It annoyed me a lot..

    However,I kept my calm and worked to make her talk and finally succeeded.Now she talks so well! Infact in school she got the “Most quiet,polite kid” in class!!

    Teachers give her good remarks.
    She is quite social but prefers to play with younger kids one year younger.
    Also,she is sensitive and gets angry at the drop of an hat..

    Anyways..
    Last few months I am facing terrible problems..

    1) Even when we are in public,she screams and creates a scene sometimes.
    2) She is nice to everyone except me.

    3)This makes me upset a lot..Even if she screams and shouts,I keep my calm and try to explain to her.She yells and yells and finally hits or slaps me bad and when I burst to tears,she becomes happy and calms down!!

    4) two times when I was driving the car,she pulled my hair and seat belt coz she was mad and I could have got into accident.

    5) Every single day she creates drama to brush,drink milk and eat breakfast and same after she comes
    To school..every thing.

    6) the way she speaks to me is so rude.

    Few points..
    1) My strictness/assertiveness did not work:
    2) me being calm and explaining did not work.
    3) time-outs did not work
    4) I once took away her toys,even tv time for two weeks..nothing worked!!

    The more Calm I am,the more irritated she gets and hits me or pulls my hair hard and make me burst to tears which calms her down.

    How to deal?
     
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2018
  2. GeetaKashyap

    GeetaKashyap IL Hall of Fame

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    Please consult a Psychiatrist. He would be able to assess her, your family and suggest the required changes. To me, it looks like she could be having Oppositional Defiant Disorder(ODD). Since you have tried most of the normal parental methods, it is better to see a professional at the earliest. All the best.
     
  3. joylokhi

    joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

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    This is something that needs to be taken seriously. It looks like in your anxiety to hear her speak in the beginning, you have indulged her a lot and she has got used to being coerced and pleaded to get her to talk. Although she is too young to know that her behaviour is not right, it is clear that she knows your weakness and that you desperately want her to listen to you. What is your husband's reaction to this? If he shows his displeasure to her at her behaviour with you, she would realise she cannot simply have her way with you by being defiant. It would be good to consult a professional to analyse and see where things have gone wrong. Since she is only 6, she can easily moulded with help from a professional. Best wishes.
     
    yellowmango, sindmani and anika987 like this.
  4. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Should I book an appointment with a pediatrician or who should I talk to for child behavior?
     
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  5. GeetaKashyap

    GeetaKashyap IL Hall of Fame

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    You could take a Psychiatrist 's reference from your Paediatrician. Since he knows your child fairly well, he would be in a position to refer you to a reliable Psychiatrist. Otherwise, you could use a good reference from some friends to spot the right Psychiatrist.
     
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  6. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Anika,
    this is serious matter and I think your H should also step into it. You must talk to doc also about it. We have similar issues with my daughter but not at this extent.
    My daughter is more like daddy's girl and she loves me but does not know. Similar things would happen to me and she will take it to the ego if i ask her something to do and if i raise my voice, thats she never does. She used to hit me and throw things at me. She can not reach the driver/front passenger in car but once she threw milk bottle so hard while driving because she wanted her song. Similar to your kid, she listens to everyone or obeys teacher and does things outside as instructed except at home or with me.
    Similar to your kid, she likes playing with younger kid and just 1 person. She won't mix in park with other kids specially men or boys and is scared or too nervous when many kids.
    One day I was so mad, i cried and left the home telling i am leaving you. My H called and put her on phone to apologize and mummy has gone and say sorry to bring her back and she kept crying hearing that and was 1-2 hrs trauma on all of us. But that day helped. Anything happens, or she hits me or approaches to hit me (which happens many times /day btw ..)I tell her I will go and have another baby. She does not say/fight her father and scared of him/

    I think one solution of this is to give them competition like having friends kids at house, dealing with you politely and having a sibling always helps.
    Btw, touchwood... my kid is slightly improved from past month as we go out a lot and I do not keep her at home much to start fights.
     
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  7. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Anika, take an appointment with the pediatrician for Monday morning. If they say no opening, insist that it is urgent. First talk with the Dr by yourself. Take a friend or husband along so they can sit in lobby/reception with kid. Before you go, note down your thoughts and an approximate timeline of changes in your DD, print it out and take it. When the Dr is making notes, it helps if most of what you are saying is also on paper, which you tell the Dr you are going to leave with her/him.

    Most likely Dr will next talk with both you and kid, and then might ask to speak alone with kid.

    Ask Dr what specialist/other doctor would help. But for now, just get some suggestions from dr and try to follow them. If Dr gives a list of recommended specialists etc. ask her specifically if she knows those are good doctors or just people who requested to be put on the list she gives out to her patients. Ask if her other patients have had good experience with the doctors she is recommending. I once wasted 2 months and 3 appointments weeding out obviously bad specialists from a list my pediatrician gave us. Later she tells that they receive requests from local doctors and add them to the "recommended" list! Laughing happily, she crossed out the names in the list that I told her were not good! Grrr.


    99% chance is there is nothing to worry and it is a phase. But, looks like she is trying to say something. Her isolating only you for the bad treatment is the only concerning thing here. If she was being like that to all, it is easier. This needs professional advice.

    Don't worry endlessly. Don't fret to husband endlessly. Take the appt.. that is the first step. Rest will follow. You are a mom who cares so much and so tuned into child's care, parenting, extracurriculars etc. All will be well.
     
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  8. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    some days my kid is the perfect child and there are days when there are tantrums!!!!
    I hate this unpredictability and she keeps saying that I don't love her but my whole life and happiness is "her".I love her a lot but I am also assertive when it needs to be.She is sensitive compared to many other kids and she dosent talk back.She is controlling herself and shows it to me!

    Well..I used to be kind of like that with my mom..When I was bullied in my teen..I will take it out on my poor mom:(
    however,my child is only 6 and her classmates are quite sweet and the teachers too..

    I need her to be more confident..how do i do that?
     
  9. Sangeeta85

    Sangeeta85 Gold IL'ite

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    Did u try not to talk to her when she acts that way .she is 6 so she will know that it has hurt u too .show her the effect of what she does and it’s wrong ..do not scold her or spank or time out ..just say do not talk to me or play and stick to ur words till u say sorry and know what is wrong ..she should what she did ...i know it’s hard to control to stop talking ..Getting help from doc is best but since u said u r not sure so suggested this..
     
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  10. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Well I am calm and explain to her..she says sorry but at times when she gets angry,she really throws a tantrum.

    I did not talk to her,timeouts,assertive,strict,communication etc etc etc but she is so stubborn which surprises me..

    Booked an appt with the pediatrician next week
     

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