1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Return To India Causing Disagreement

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Shreema86, Dec 8, 2017.

  1. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    467
    Likes Received:
    964
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi All,

    Posting on behalf of a friend . She is happily married with two small kids staying in Germany for the last few years . Although she does have some minor issues with life in Germany like lack of social life etc.. overall she has grown to liking living there . She has struggled a bit with finding jobs but has finally settled into a good job. Also Germany has many good benefits for working mothers like flexible work timings and good daycares and she manages two kids plus job without any help. Husband till recently was also on the same page, just two months back on a visit to India said he wouldn't think of returning back anytime soon. Now all of a sudden he told my friend that he has received an interview call for a very lucrative one of a kind job opportunity in India( where he gets to lead) and if he gets that he wants to go back. also he has been having some issues with his boss and this is one of the reasons for the sudden change in stance . My friend feels her career will take a hit again and its not right that she has to adjust to this move when things are finally settling for her . also she feels staying in Germany is better for her kids and they have even bought an apartment here.. She is upset with her husband and they are arguing about this. If my friend puts her foot down her husband will of course not force her to go but highly unlikely he will keep blaming her for losing this opportunity . Advice for her situation is appreciated .
     
    Loading...

  2. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    804
    Likes Received:
    1,362
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    I think if her husband has issue with boss, then he can try looking for new company in Germany itself. But as you are saying it's very lucrative one of a kind job opportunity in India( where he gets to lead) , I feel he can't replace that in Germany.
    On the other hand, the benefits your friend has is not so specific and may be replaceable in India- work from home, day cares/maids/relatives to help. So it is matter of trying and waiting, but not that she can't get in India. Also, after Germany work ex, it may be easy to find good job and many option in India.
     
    Shreema86 likes this.
  3. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,556
    Likes Received:
    1,687
    Trophy Points:
    285
    Gender:
    Female
    She can talk to her husband about the benefits of living in Germany itself
    Open talk can help.
     
    Shreema86 and Sandycandy like this.
  4. Nonya

    Nonya Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,465
    Likes Received:
    2,175
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    If all that she is nervous about is the future blame at every little misfortune, then she ought to chalk it up to her fate for living with an idiot who does not know what makes a happy home: A happy wife and mum. And put her foot down, and stay in Germany.

    In a few years, when the children are semi-independent, and she is financially secure in Germany, if the idiot still keeps on harping about long-gone missed opportunity, kick him out of her life; he does not deserve her.
     
    Archanaanchan and Sandycandy like this.
  5. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    467
    Likes Received:
    964
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    They are a happy couple who disagree on an issue.. the husband is very devoted to wife and family.. there is no question of family splitting up and staying apart..
     
  6. Nonya

    Nonya Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,465
    Likes Received:
    2,175
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Devoted husbands plan surprise birthday parties for wife and kids. NOT a surprise relocation.
    Happy couples discuss life plans, and long-range schemes for themselves and children. Working out kinks at work, kissing boss' ass when necessary, to have stable employment where their lives are happier is also part of the long range planning. It appears that your friend had that India-job offer thrown at her totally unexpectedly. If they are a happy couple now, this sort of behavior from the husband would soon make that NOT SO.
    Feel free to copy-transmit our discussion thread to your friend.
     
    Sandycandy likes this.
  7. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,327
    Likes Received:
    1,504
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Op, Your friend's husband cant spring the sudden news of a lucrative offer on his family on a spur. Families plan everything from job to vacation to savings , you name it its planned with everybody.You don't just springs surprises. Moving to India or abroad is a major decision. It cant be taken in a lighter tone. The husband shud have discussed about putting his application in before actually doing it. He went and did it secretly says a lot about the dynamics.
    Your friend is in a good job, the kids are well settled. They have an apartment there. Suddenly the husband comes up with he is having trouble with his present boss. It seems all too convenient. If he really wanted , he cud have applied for jobs as back up there itself where he lives. Why the Indian job?

    The point is the husband wants to move to India and wants his family to comply even if sprung on them suddenly. Your friend shud put her foot down and say she wont do it as she is secure in her job and kids are happy.The husband needs to man up and look at bigger picture of family rather than being selfish and look at his own self. Good Luck.
     
    Shreema86, Sandycandy and sindmani like this.
  8. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    1,810
    Likes Received:
    5,243
    Trophy Points:
    383
    Gender:
    Female
    What are the options if the husband has a fallout with his boss in India ? Move to another country?
    Not getting along with his boss is such a flimsy reason to uproot his family from one country to another and jeopardize his wife's career . This needs to be a joint well thought out decision , not something that the husband suddenly decides to spring on the wife .
     
  9. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,093
    Likes Received:
    2,288
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Receiving an interview call n getting an offer letter are two different things.

    Ask him to attend the interview n IF he gets an offer letter, then discuss the pros n cons n decide. What's the point of all this wasted energy if the interview isn't successful?

    Issue with a boss - it can happen anywhere. What's the guarantee that the indian boss is gona be a saint? In fact the bosses are known to be tougher in India. Is he gona run back then ?

    Few options:
    He can look for another job in Germany itself.

    If he does get this job, he can probably travel alone first n try it out. They anyway have a house n she has a job in Germany, should be easier to manage for a while.

    Then decide if she wants to move to india, get a job, hire help.

    If they can move from Germany to india, they can move again from india to Germany. So maybe she can see it as a few years thing, either the whole family moves or jus being away from the hubby.

    But attending the interview will be the smart move to save your friend from 'life long blaming' (as per your post).
     
  10. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,299
    Likes Received:
    6,323
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    OP, what is their legal status in Germany? If they are citizens, they are going to lose their status if they stay out of the country for an extended period of time.

    Is this change of heart in husband about Germany purely based out of disagreements with the boss? I highly doubt it. No man in his right senses is going to uproot the family because of change of situations at work. Your friend is not giving you a complete picture.

    He is the father of the children. Surely he has best interests in his mind. Is this job really lucrative enough to sustain the same life style that they have in Germany? If the answer to all these are positive, then why is your friend not even considering it?

    My cousin back home has a full time maid, kids go to private schools, she gets to do her job in India too, they live in a very good location. So, going back home isn’t really a bad thing. Is she refusing to go purely because she has settled down here? There is nothing wrong if that’s the case but let’s not call it as “it will be good for kids”.

    Ask her to keep an open mind about this and the look at both sides before shooting his plans down. At least this is what i would do if one of us want to go back.
     
    sindmani, PLK and Shreema86 like this.

Share This Page