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Restrictions/dresscode to some married Indian women - very unfortunate

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by rissy, Jan 12, 2012.

  1. LunaDoveDesigns

    LunaDoveDesigns Silver IL'ite

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    My exILs never imposed that, but once I was at an Indian grocery store and another customer came up to me with this look of utter concern on her face. She asked me, "Does your husband know you're in public with your hair down like that???"

    We hadn't been married long, but I did have the bangles and the Mangalsutra and the nose ring. I hadn't been expecting to attract any kind of notice from the Indian community; I'm white! Nose rings and bangles are pretty popular in America and my necklace was simple and not traditional.

    I didn't really know what to tell her, so I simply said that yes, he did.
     
  2. sumee

    sumee Silver IL'ite

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    I would say saree. We Indian women are known for sarees as it it is uniquely indian. Yes salwar kameeze to looks good but it a dress worn in other countries too whereas a saree worn 6 yards or draped 9 yards is one which makes an Indian woman stand out.
    this was glaringly apparent in the recent Oscars where Bombay Jayshree in her red pure silk looked elegant and graceful and stood out well among the other show biz women who were there in their beautiful gowns.
     
  3. tinavdesai

    tinavdesai New IL'ite

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    On one side basically everyone should have freedom of choice and not have any restrictions. On the other end the same people should be responsible enough to dress/behave according to present situation. That would make yourselves and people around us both happy. And that is how basically life is. No offense to anyone :)
     
  4. shraddha2704

    shraddha2704 Bronze IL'ite

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    oh yes. i have faced most of des things n worse of all, i actually did it. i actually wore a saree coz it wasnt allowed to wear salwars n churidaars at sasural, did it 4 2 years. den i started working. against my inlaws wishes ofcourse, but my hubby supported me. once i started working, i gt d strength to say no to stupid LAWS of my inlaws. now i wear what i want and do what i wish too.
     
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  5. Sunita9j

    Sunita9j New IL'ite

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    "My inlaws tried to put all the above restrictions on me. Luckily I am out of that marriage now. I was forced to wear saree, for which I bluntly said no. Big drama was created but I didn't gave up".

    That's need strength of character, great! you were continuously fighting for right and ultimately won.
     
  6. Sunita9j

    Sunita9j New IL'ite

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    :thumbsup

    Women are also an individual and have full right to choose whatever they like. No body can enforce them to live on their set rules.:notthatway:
     
  7. shyamalajh

    shyamalajh Gold IL'ite

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    My PILs never impose anything. But, I know their expectations. I love sarees. I know I look my best in them. They really suit me. When, I go to India, I am relaxed with less responsibilities. So I wear saree and put a lot of flowers in hair like old times and enjoy. When My MIL came to see me for the first time, she told my SILs to learn from me to dress nicely. She loves the way I dress. When, I am at their place, I try to follow the norms of their home as far as possible. I think it is a fair expectation. She too adjusts when I go there like not using garlic as I don't like garlic. When they come to USA, I wear Indian dresses as far as possible but I wear jeans and pants(office) too. I never wear nighties. I hate them. I wear pajamas once I finish all work and ready to sleep. They don't expect me to touch feet unless there is some ceremony. I just bend and touch ground , she learnt to be happy with that. Luckily they have their life and are happy with their religious activities and visiting their relatives etc. They don't really bother about what we do or don't much.
     
  8. Megalife

    Megalife Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear op
    Interesting discussion.
    Restrictions from MIL/ FIL/ SIL: nil, we follow the policy live and let live....oh...yeah on our short vacations they demand an extra bit of time with my dh....and I am fine with it, I get my space too.....and all their pampering ( on dh) gets extended to my room in the form of goodies! So Infact it works well for me, if I carve to eat something traditional, all I do is to speak thru the horses mouth ;)
    Restrictions from dh: yup no sleeveless, not knee length skirts ( micro minis were my hot favourites before marriage), minimal make up ( that's cool, I hate being painted).
    After 15 yrs I have broken this pact, have started permitting myself on the sleeveless , he still resists but I manage....
    Why I agreed to all these norms? ....this was the least I could do for my best-man-Friday !
    Mega
    Ps: let us not talk about the restrictions I have showered on him, I will need 10 posts......lol
     
  9. blessed

    blessed Platinum IL'ite

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    Though not all the mentioned restrictions was imposed but still I can relate to most of them.

    Yeah I was not allowed to work, though I finished my BSc with distinction their first condition was I should be at home as my MIL and FIL are not very healthy and need some one to take care of them 24/7, my DH being their only Son was very keen to see me as a house wife and please his parents... the worst part was my both SIL's who are senior to me by 8 -10 years are working professionals and are considered to be smart women even today.

    Have to take their permission for every damn thing, even to visit the corner shop in our lane I have to tell her in detail including the time when I will return back, I thot asking DH's permission is reasonable but it was he who insisted me to inform his parents in fact first seek their permission and if they deny then no arguments just oblige.

    Dress code: Yes dress according to my MIL for visiting her relatives, weddings etc she even use to select saree from my wardrobe, they actually asked me to wear only sarees even at home, no nighties, salwar etc.. but I begged my DH to speak to his parents regarding salwars at home as I was not at all comfortable with sarees that to when I was only 20.5 years during my wedding, they okay-ed it but I should always be with chunni (whale) even with that skinny personality I was supposed to be always covered with whale.

    Not allowed to ride even two wheeler... but as my DH will be on work from 8 - 8 it became necessary for me use a two wheeler and later car.

    Ofcourse I have got over it all now and changed my ways according to me.. but initial days of my marriage I have to face all these ordeals.
     
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  10. arthimahalakshm

    arthimahalakshm Gold IL'ite

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    i hope you all know that we south indian girls are expected (actually compelled) to wear bindi,bangles,chain and flowers on hair.when i was a teen ager even my father told me to keep liquid kumkum .but me and my sister managed to keep sticker bindies even designer one.(we were true feminists).
    after my mrg,i went on to keep bindi in smaller size.after one week my dad visited me and infront of my mil insisted me to wear bigger in size.before me answering -you don't believe-my mil told"now she is child(me).after few years i myself will tell her to increase the size.i need her to dress up decently.'so my dad had to keep quiet.but in my mind i thought 'even if you(my mil) insist i won't change myself'
    as years rolled on my mil also no more.but i myself changed the size of the bindi,prefer sarees to be respectful.
    after seeing me those who wanted to keep the tag 'still i'm young also started wearing saree in all official functions and parties with husbands.
    so my conclusion is as you gracefully grow in your age,you automatically change your attire according to the situation.
     
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