Restrictions/dresscode to some married Indian women - very unfortunate

The major restriction in my case is regarding my working hours being 10-6, more preferably Work From Home. Now, in my field it is difficult to get work with such hours and WFH was denied by manager, yet they do not understand and wanted me to move over to a public sector / gov job. But I continue to work in a job of my preference but with some adjustments, which is affecting my career growth but is offering me a peace of mind.

 

I have a neighbour who wears salwar kameez only when her IL"s come to stay with her once in a year,for a month or so.she always wear short skirts or harem pants with tee.when she is clad in salwar kameez,its understood that her inlaws r around.But lucky atleast her DH gives her complete freedom when his parents r not around.

 

hmmm. That thing about assuming that she sought his permission (or that he "gave" his permission) doesn't go away from our thought process. Doesn't it?

 

He is his parents own kid-not adopted,definitely the traits will be there!

 

unless husbands learn not to be control freaks nor dont impose his parents senseless likes/dislikes on wife....its really hard

 

Same with me ,
My MIL will not restrict me wearing anything when i am at my house, But she always insits me to wear that looks nice on me(even if i wear sleaveless if it is looking good on me she will say that it looks good) ..... when ever i go out wil mils familly my mil make sure i wear some thing good(for familly occassion she prefers saree or salwar) ........... but when i go out with DH i wear jeans but i don have restictions...
yes i agree with chandy949 on "we should inform parents or in-laws or whoever is in the house as to where we are going.Its more for security.Mind you its just Inform...not Ask for permission.Same applies to going to parents house " .............it is always safe to do so

 

My dressing style has always been a favourite topic of conversation for my ILs.. I wanted to wear lehenga for my wedding, but ILs bought me the wedding saree.. that was the one time I wore saree.. Never wore after that because I don't like saree and revealing midriff or even having that many layers of cloth on me.. It's not like I wear western clothes.. I don't even like jeans, for that matter.. Just salwars and long kurtas with slacks.. But they still try to get me to change my dressing style.. thankfully my hubby likes my dressing style and deals with his family.. phew!

Gold is another thing.. I hate wearing gold except for earrings.. but MIL always wants me to wear some more.. necklaces and bangles and bracelets and rings.. the whole lot.. i just wear my earrings.. and later after my MIL arrives, I'll add a bracelet and say, I wore this just to make you happy!! She falls for it.. whatever..

Then work... I was not ALLOWED to work.. Literally, they told me 'you may be born and brought up abroad but you cannot even think of working here because the environment isn't safe and this and that and a hundred excuses.. I tried to follow their rules... Hubby knows how talented I was and what all I was capable of doing, I literally started doing his paper work and opening up his medical text books and started studying up... but got into severe depression to the point that I got suicidal and hubby sent me to my parents home when my sis was expecting her second child saying being around babies will improve your depression... This happened 5 to 6 months into married life..

Anyway, maybe my ILs prayers, when I came back and decided enough is enough and looked into work possibilities, I had a disc prolapse and was stuck in bed rest for 3 months.. Oh, my ILs were so happy.. Anyway, just getting out of that now.. I keep myself busy with novels and hobbies..

 

Re: Restrictions/dresscode to some married Indian women - very unfortunate

Hey Friends...as I went through these post, I was wondering WHY always Women are on the opposite version of freedom..Right from birth a girl child is imposed restrictions...It gets complete once you get married..Generally they say women and men are equal..but I cant sort it out..I find a lot of indifference. The rights of a Husband & Wife are equal..then why there are so much restrictions imposed to women.I won't say that a women should oppose each single thing..but at least its up to her ,whether she wish to follow or not.Marriage is a Legal commitment between A Husband & wife..that means every rules & freedom are applicable to both.The decisions should be taken by Husband & wife..If a husband is comfortable with his wives way of life ,be it in dressing,wearing mangalsutra or else what..what does the In laws have to do with it..Indirectly by pricking on these tiny issues ,they create troubles with in the family

 

Not really a restriction, but my MIL wants me to wear my mangalsutra because she believes that it is bad for her son otherwise. Don't ask! I know many who think that way too, including present day newly weds. While I am not ridiculing people for their beliefs, it is a problem for me if it is imposed on me. I don't wear it regularly. Even when they're here, she knows that I am capable of wearing it completely hidden even inside a regular neck tee-shirt. So, she doesn't ask. Saree... sure, if there is a family function or something and to be fair, hubby wears traditional clothes then too (not now, because we have an active toddler and our traditional clothes are not made for running in, unless you're used to it). I can run in a saree but need one hand free for it. Learnt it in my brother's wedding when I was everyone's fetch and carry person .

I don't wear a bindi regularly. MIL has never commented about it although I know that she would like me to wear it everyday. They become very happy when they see me dressed up, with bangles, bindi, hair up. I am not much of a dresser-upper. I usually wear a salwar kameez while in India because I find denim very irritating in Indian summers.

While my ILs are happy that my daughter is getting a lot of time from me, that was my choice. Well, combined with the generous maternity leave here and my understanding boss. If I had been in the US, they wouldn't have a problem with my going back to work soon, as far as I know, although I think it is cruel for both mother and child that she has to go back so soon in the US.

I always tell whoever is at home where I am going. That's just common sense. I almost always know where my husband is, too, just as he knows where I am. Well, almost. I don't call and tell him that I am going to the mall or for groceries or to a neighbour's, while he is at work and on days that I am off from work. I do keep my phone with me, though.

Funny thing is, MIL thinks that reading novels is decadent and a waste of time but watching TV with her is not .

 

I wore some of the "required" jewelry, at ExH's request, but it was my choice to do so. I got "orders" from his mother that I treated as "suggestions" because a) I'm an adult and b) we had our own home apart from his parents and c) some of them were ludicrous, harmful, or incredibly impractical.

She would complain all the time about her white American DIL. I think she was actually relieved when her son had the affair that ended our marriage.