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Resent Husband And No Intimacy

Discussion in 'Intimacy' started by star90new, Oct 14, 2018.

  1. star90new

    star90new Bronze IL'ite

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    Don’t think he is an asexual.He said he used to watch a lot of po** while he was in school and college.
     
  2. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    That seems to clinch it for a life plan. However, what would make him leave you ? If you know the answer to that, or can find out what that would be, you can be assured of the limits within which you can have a good life, and satisfy your condition, i.e., "I dont want to leave him.", also.
     
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  3. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    You can be wrong as you never told them the real reason. I dont think any parent would like to see their kid suffer like this. Have you ever tried to inform it your parents. Inform at least your mom. It won't be a happy experience. But do it. He is simply finding reasons. It is a technique used by people to hide their real issue and suppress others by making them doubt their self worth. Pl Dont fall into that trap.

    Are you afraid that he may mention about your past to your parents. It has nothing to do with your current situation. Is he still watching ****. What type. Find it yourself. If your situation dont improve another five years, What will you do. Think very well and be practical. Anyway if you want to stay prepare your self for the worst and accept it without any complaints. I wish your counseling sessions work and you have a happy & full filling married life.

    It's your life. Only you can change your life. No one is going to share your pain or sufferings. Anyway you are the best one who knows your situation and decide what to do. Be strong. Good luck
     
    Last edited: Oct 15, 2018
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  4. Deborah

    Deborah Gold IL'ite

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    OP-if your H has said things you have mentioned above to you, you are just punishing yourself by finding faults in yourself .You are not fat and it's not about your past. Those are just excuses. IMO, it was never about you. You are already going to therapy/counseling . Although it has its own benefits , but you won't find answers to make your marriage work there. Having sexual needs is a very natural thing and if your spouse is unable to fulfill those , then it is a ground for divorce as per Indian law.You can try for as long as you want to make this work but you actually need to work on your self - esteem and confidence . 3 years of unhappy marriage and no child - you don't have much gone by in terms of starting over . It's not as if you have been married for 10 years. Take your parents into confidence once you have conviction in yourself.You need to be strong about your decision, rest all will just reflect what you think of yourself .Hope you find the right path .
     
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  5. Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

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    May be the reason for this. Either u should not have revealed ur previous relationship to him or he should be a person who never minds on these. But it has turned otherwise. But having married, things should be sorted out to solve problems. U both should live happily. U cannot turn back now. What can he say about ur previous relationship to ur parents? First u should have boldness to face this. U mentioned that u don't want to leave him. Then Cross the barrier dear. Whatever may come face that. Be bold and only if u have open discussion along with ur parents, it will move according to me.
     
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  6. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    What had happened, as well as what is an ideal situation are moot in real life situations. Only the OP knows the balancing compromises she has to make to sustain her life and status in her local society and family/friends circles.

    The benefits of the facade of a happy marriage, in all manner of nuanced details would be known only to her and her dear husband (dH). [ totally hairless body ? I hope he has some on his head :confounded:] On top of that, we only know our IL member's side of the situation; perhaps, from her dH's side, the story could be that he is quite happy to have a sweet, good looking wife, for social functions, and would like to keep her that way as long as possible.

    Our information is limited, and we must not jump to any conclusions one way or the other. We just don't know what could be an ideal way-out, whether or not there are any support-infrastructure of help, or even if a way-out is the ideal thing to do. Only she'd know whether her current situation is better than all feasible alternatives. Life, and certainly married life, is like a Maslaw's hierarchy of needs. A happily married woman could be in the green stage of "Esteem" depending on how well she is able to train everyone in her family to see her as deserving of that esteem. It might take time in some cases. Nobody can say whether it is worth it or not. Parents (or parent-surrogates) are usually concerned about the 2nd stage, i.e., Safety, whether their child is safe in the marital home and is in no danger of recurrent physical abuse. After that, it is all in the child's hands/brains to progress to the higher stages of achievement.

    upload_2018-10-15_14-34-43.png
     
    Last edited: Oct 15, 2018
  7. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Platinum IL'ite

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    Who doesn't have a previous relationship these days.. and if he thinks you are too manly, well was he blind when he saw and met you.. if he is not attracted to you there is nothing you can do. Again dont blame yourself. Good luck.
     
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  8. Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

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    O yes. I can accept your points. It depends wholly on her because she knows better in dealing everyday with her H. But she has mentioned about her prev. relationship to her H. And her H has also mentioned that he doesnt want girl who has prev. relationships, which seems to be sensitive. If that is not the issue, how can it be found? She has mentioned that she has gone to counselling therapies also.. So..... How can she come out then? What should be the way out? Silence cannot be a solution. If parents are not of use in this situation. Where can she depend? Not consummated is a serious problem.. Anyway, whetever advices are given here, they are out of each one's own interest to help her solve. She is the best judge.
     
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  9. Sangeeta85

    Sangeeta85 Gold IL'ite

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    U thought it is right thing to say the truth n be honest to him . U did the right but he is not worth the person . If u have done more patience try it all over again . If u want to save the marriage do it as he says for few months ,he might change but if U are sure he will not then it’s no.
    I m not saying u r fat or anything but u can go gym n reduce your weight ask him if that helps.
    U have a beautiful heart n honesty do not change that for any.
     
  10. GlobetrotterG

    GlobetrotterG Silver IL'ite

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    Were the theraphy sessions for you/him/both? I don't think that the core issue is not that you being fat, it's something else !! What really is surprising is that after so much of theraphy, the core issue is not figured out? And this seems to have not been addressed?


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    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 16, 2018

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