Request Or Assert?

satchitananda · Dec 17, 2016

Does life imitate soaps or do soaps imitate life? Sorry for bringing this topic here too, but somehow it does not belong to snippets. It concerns parents, pils and daughters/dils. So I thought it was bet to put it here.

This is about an ad for an upcoming serial that made me think. We might shrug off serials and say they are utter nonsense, but one cannot ignore how they spread a pattern of thinking quite insidiously. They purport to be very 'progressive' in their purpose (which is quite laughable given their approach which belongs to a couple of decades ago) and then fall back on the same old cliches.

The mother in the serial under question raises and educates her daughters single-handedly. She supports their being self-respecting and backs the daughter when she tells a matchmaker that a rich family he suggested for her is not her cup of tea because he stated that she would not have to work after marriage and could live in the lap of luxury. She states that she has also stood first in a B-School and not working after marriage would be an insult to all the hard work her mother had put in to educate her.

So far so good. Cut to the next ad. The mother comes asking the audience whether they know any family where her daughters would be 'allowed' to work even after marriage! Excuse me? Which era is she living in? Most women if not all work today. Secondly, or rather firstly, why is a mother who was so proud of her daughter's independence and self-respect asking for 'permission' for her daughter to work after marriage? The language makes me cringe. It made me wonder whether we (women and their parents) need to watch how we convey things when we try to bring about a positive difference in the social status of the woman. Would not a better way of putting it be: "My daughters will continue to work even after marriage. Anyone who is alright with that may be considered for matrimonial alliances". We do not have to plead for our rights. We do not have to even be 'in your face' about it. We just need to be assertive about our position and make our stance very clear. No more, no less.

I shall not even go into the aspect of how certain approaches to relationships totally negate any efforts towards progress in the status of women. Yet another ad for this serial raises a question in this regard, but that would be the topic of yet another discussion.

guesshoo · Dec 17, 2016

Oh! People proudly talking about allowing, or worse, "sending" their dils to work has been my pet peeve for decades! The difference between the two being the latter indicates a need for the DIL to bring in that money- which will be promptly confiscated for the greater good, I suppose.

The girls and their parents need to assert themselves, without a question.

And the silly directors need to get an education on gender equality. Others accuse me of being elitist but there is a clear difference between some classy directors (movie ones; I'm not familiar with the soap scene) and riff-raff.

What I find ridiculous is my own exposure-lacking mil considers soaps as her education and elucidates her views on how to behave in a socially correct manne, knowing your pecking order in he family, by giving examples from soaps. ::eyeroll:: she seriously believes her views are modern and doesn't understand why she isn't getting any kudos from me...

armummy · Dec 17, 2016

Serials are not supposed to be taken seriously and the thing with them is even though they start with a good idea ultimately it moves tofamily dramas and plotting which can only happen in tv serials .
Also the serials dont except the audience to be intelligent . The one serial most correctly depicts the passive aggressive insure MIL - a normal good person with lot of insecurities is on Sony , now any way it moved into family drama category no longer interests me .

I happened to watch some Pakistani serials and they potray women's issues much more sensibly .I liked couple of serials quite a bit and comw
With an ending after 20 odd episodes .

Our society has moved on , at least in south where I am from , girl is expected to study and parents would like her to work and if her wish is to work ,parents are very outspoken about this aspect.

Luxstar · Dec 17, 2016

I come from a family where the girls are expected to be domesticated & not working. My dad is a scientist and working with a lot of leading lady scientists. Yet I haven't got a clue why he didn't even allow me to go to college beyond 12th. I did my degree by correspondence. Well I was okay with this outlook of life until recently. I guess I dont have to look too far, my Family of origin is an example of how certain areas of our society is still backward in thinking.
In my family of origin except my one SIL all other girls are stay at home and expected to do. The SIL who is working is a special needs educator and works irrespective of anyone else likes it or not. i have also frowned at her choice to work

The family I am married into all the ladies are working. There I do not think anyone would consider having to ask permission to work. I haven't thought much about it. But now I have two daughters & I would like them to grow up thinking just as any man they have equal right to work if they wish to.

satchitananda · Dec 17, 2016

guesshoo said: ↑

Oh! People proudly talking about allowing, or worse, "sending" their dils to work has been my pet peeve for decades! The difference between the two being the latter indicates a need for the DIL to bring in that money- which will be promptly confiscated for the greater good, I suppose.

The girls and their parents need to assert themselves, without a question.

And the silly directors need to get an education on gender equality. Others accuse me of being elitist but there is a clear difference between some classy directors (movie ones; I'm not familiar with the soap scene) and riff-raff.

What I find ridiculous is my own exposure-lacking mil considers soaps as her education and elucidates her views on how to behave in a socially correct manner, knowing your pecking order in he family, by giving examples from soaps. ::eyeroll:: she seriously believes her views are modern and doesn't understand why she isn't getting any kudos from me...
Click to expand...

Leaving aside the fact that most serials are absolute **** when it comes to content, the fact also remains that they do reinforce a lot of undesirable attitudes and unfortunately, we do have a lot of people who take these serials seriously. To be very honest, there was a time when I lived with the mil when I used to wonder whether life imitated fiction or the other way around. Before that I used to wonder where story writers got their scripts from.

satchitananda · Dec 17, 2016

I would agree partially with that armummy.

armummy said: ↑

Serials are not supposed to be taken seriously and the thing with them is even though they start with a good idea ultimately it moves to family dramas and plotting which can only happen in tv serials .

Ha! That is another dimension altogether what with scorpions and snakes being brought in to eliminate enemies .....

Also the serials dont except the audience to be intelligent . The one serial most correctly depicts the passive aggressive insure MIL - a normal good person with lot of insecurities is on Sony , now any way it moved into family drama category no longer interests me .

I happened to watch some Pakistani serials and they potray women's issues much more sensibly .I liked couple of serials quite a bit and comw
With an ending after 20 odd episodes .

At the risk of being labelled 'anti national' I have to agree with the fact that Pakistani serials are often very well made.

Our society has moved on , at least in south where I am from , girl is expected to study and parents would like her to work and if her wish is to work ,parents are very outspoken about this aspect.

I am not so sure about the last bit. Yes, girls are expected to study, they are expected to excel in their studies, to take up good jobs, but when it comes to marriage, parents of girls all over still bend over backwards to be extremely polite to men's families. The degree to which they do so might differ from place to place and family to family as well.
Click to expand...

satchitananda · Dec 17, 2016

Luxstar said: ↑

I come from a family where the girls are expected to be domesticated & not working. My dad is a scientist and working with a lot of leading lady scientists. Yet I haven't got a clue why he didn't even allow me to go to college beyond 12th. I did my degree by correspondence. Well I was okay with this outlook of life until recently. I guess I dont have to look too far, my Family of origin is an example of how certain areas of our society is still backward in thinking.
In my family of origin except my one SIL all other girls are stay at home and expected to do. The SIL who is working is a special needs educator and works irrespective of anyone else likes it or not. i have also frowned at her choice to work

The family I am married into all the ladies are working. There I do not think anyone would consider having to ask permission to work. I haven't thought much about it. But now I have two daughters & I would like them to grow up thinking just as any man they have equal right to work if they wish to.
Click to expand...

In your case, it seems to have been the other way around. Unless they insist on your working, you wouldn't have much of a problem. The problem arises in case of women who want to work. It is in those cases where the fact should be clearly stated to the potential eligible's family. It is the grovelling and asking for 'permission' that or the boasts of 'allowing' their dil to work that gets under my skin.

Am glad that you plan to bring your daughters up on a more equal footing. Wish them all the best for their future.

coolgal123 · Dec 18, 2016

These serials shows atleast 30 years old thinking.....
Mostly all of them want to emphasise that for a woman household work is most important, no matter how much she has studied.....only homemaker are the nice ones and working women are not nice....homemakers are the powerful and intelligent women who can any time become ceo of any company but dont do it because they know household jobs are pious....

Reasons for showing all this falsehood ??? most of their audience are housewives . ....its just pleasing the audience.....

Parents of girls and girls themselves should be assertive for their need of working....this is a fundamental right of every citizen.....

Only if love marriages happens instead of arrange marriage , all this need of assertion/request will be eliminated itself . ...people will choose partener for who they are and for who their partner is....

Disclaimer : no offence to homemakers....now a days i am a homemaker myself.

coolgal123 · Dec 18, 2016

Irony is, maker of most of these serials is ekta kapoor, a modern working woman....

YoGirl · Dec 18, 2016

The worst part is , no two ppl in family(mil-dil, fil-dil, husband-wife,mil-husband), can sit together to watch these serials..probably, only mom-adult daughter can watch with little differences..