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Request Opinion of Married Ladies on Wall Street Journal Artical

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by zipzipzoomzoom, Mar 2, 2011.

  1. zipzipzoomzoom

    zipzipzoomzoom Gold IL'ite

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    Hello Ladies,

    Recently, there has been a popular artical on Wall Street Journal, "Where Have The Good Men Gone?" (go to Wall Street Journal's website, and in the search type in name of artical and about the 4th result down is the original artical).

    The author says that caucasian males have an extended adolescence. What is most facinating is the thousand of more comments discussing the causes for this, i.e. several people saying, "Why buy the cow when the milk is free".

    For some reason, this artical made me think.

    I was born and raised in USA and for the longest time, till about two or three years ago, I was terrified of getting married to an Indian man because of the horror stories I have heard in Indian-American newspapers, the type of stories descrived in these forums, and the things I have seen on TV.

    I always swore that I will marry a caucasian male (much to the disappointment of my dear parents, who now I realize did so much for me, and put up with me). However, when I got into the workplace, and was exposed to how they are, how they disregard their families, how they view raising their kids are a burden, I started to realize the good qualities of our culture.

    The wake up call came when older causasian males began to feel insecure around someone like me: 2nd generation American females who studied hard because their parents encouraged them to, are working side-by-side with them because of their hard work (not some handout), yet they respect themselves like American women of the 1950's, they showed their jealousy and insecurity (and even outright bullying from one young caucasian male whose advances of "having fun" I had refused). One middle-age caucasion male told me bluntly I shouldn't even be in the workplace; later I learned that his marriage is in trouble and he cannot control his two teenage daughters.

    Now I appreciate the opportunity I have to do matrimonial correspondences with young men of Indian origin. Of course, dealing with in-laws is a challenge; guess being exposed to the workplace teaches one how to better navigate shark-infested waters.

    Thank you for reading up to this point. I request your humble opinion on this Wall Street Journal artical. I usually don't post these type of things on the Internet, but this artical really got to me because I feel guilty for giving my dear parents a hard time about not wanting to get married to an Indian when I was younger. Now I want to embrace all that I have....

    Take Care


     
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  2. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Not to be stereotypical, but the type of people you meet working in New York City and Wall Street are A LOT different than the average American. For one, the people who flock to NYC are often extremely career oriented and will put career above anything else. NYC has a high cost of living, and you have to be extremely determined and driven to succeed there. It attracts a certain type of individual.

    Whereas in the rest of the US where life is not so fast paced and you get a broader range of people, you will see many great caucasian families that love each other and value family.

    While you are in the process of exposing yourself to the horrible white culture, please also expose yourself to more Indian culture... like where some INDIAN parents leave their kids in India with grandparents while they go globe trotting and climbing the career ladder too. Yeah, I'm sure there are some white parents who think of their kids as burdens. JUST AS THERE ARE INDIANS WHO FEEL THE SAME.

    Love and family are not exclusive to INDIAN CULTURE. Love and family are traits valued in EVERY SINGLE CULTURE ON THIS EARTH.

    Marrying an INDIAN will not save you from being abused, or cheated on, and it will not gaurantee that your child will have the best father on planet earth. Being Indian and celebrating Indian culture doesn't make a person GOOD. Marrying an Indian or caucasian is besides the point. The key to a good marriage is marrying a GOOD PERSON. Period. In whatever color they come in. I'm glad you like Indian culture (I like it too :thumbsup) but never make the mistake of thinking that Indian culture is better than another person's culture. Because if you set aside your pride about 'being Indian', you will see that all the culture's are so similar (almost identical). Maybe Indians congregate on diwali, while caucasians do Christmas. Indians eat biryani, chinese eat fried rice. Indians speak hindi, Germans speak German. But when you look at it aren't we talking about the same thing just with a different name?

    The white guys you encountered in your organization are probably pompous a-holes who are used to calling the shots and ruling over women. But if you were in India, and working in an organization full of Indians, you would definitely encounter 1 or 2 similar creeps who think they can take advantage of you. That's not a caucasian thing.... it's a MALE thing. And while I'm at it, if you ever think WHITE WOMEN are cheap or unfaithful, take a look at the threads on here about INDIAN women cheating.

    If caucasians have an extended adolescence, then I think Indian men have an extended infancy. Because I have seen big baby's in both groups. But Indian men really seem to take the cake when it comes to depending on their parents for everything.

    Just my opinion.
     
  3. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    3 cheers to that reply asg. very well said. human beings everywhere are just that - humans with their foibles - irrespective of colour, creed or race. it is the individual personality, their up-bringing and value systems instilled in them since childhood and hence their background that count.

    no single culture is superior or inferior to any other. people are people all over the world.
     
  4. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Apart from what ASG has said, I just want to add a small note about the above point..

    Most of the inlaws issues are no way going to be similar to what you see at work or friends or relatives. Working women are equally prone to inlaws issues just as a home maker is. inlaws are not going to be the ones who are going to act like bosses or our coworkers. Some inlaws have the power to break / make your marriage depending on how good your spouse is. So...relationships at home and at work are 2 different buckets. one approach may not work for both ofthem. however if we are able to keep emotions aside and work resolving the inlaws issues just like we do at work, it sure helps...but keeping aside those emotions comes over time and over experience..(ofcourse except for few blessed people)..so think about it...

    Not everyone is bad...but at the same time...not everyone will understand your good intentions. thats the bottom line in relationships at home.
     
  5. getstrngth

    getstrngth Gold IL'ite

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    ASG is was awesome... Your are very correct and I've no words to express your well written reply. Keep it going...
     
  6. DDC

    DDC Silver IL'ite

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    ASG Very well said.

    On target with these 2.:thumbsup

    OP: while "Why buy the cow when the milk is free" is very offensive, it is logical!
     
  7. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    ASG :hatsoff
    Now to the OP..I am quite surprised that having been raised in the US ..you have come to such a blanket generalization of caucasians.
    I have been raised in India been here a little more than a decade and I think there is no caucasian,Indian,African or Middle Eastern.
    There are two species ..male and female.
    Infact I have found many of my White American colleagues to be very very family oriented . They have been married for more than 2 or 3 decades, most to their high school sweethearts .Love taking their boys to little league baseball. They still work on their marriage and never take their spouses for granted. They hurt just as much as we do when their kids grow up to go to college and leave them empy nesters. Yes there are more divorces but its better than some of the hypocritical Indian marriages where people live together when love has long died.

    I missed this
    "The wake up call came when older causasian males began to feel insecure around someone like me: 2nd generation American females who studied hard because their parents encouraged them to, are working side-by-side with them because of their hard work (not some handout), yet they respect themselves like American women of the 1950's, they showed their jealousy and insecurity (and even outright bullying from one young caucasian male whose advances of "having fun" I had refused). "

    I dont know where u are working ..but this is the first time I have heard this .
    I work in an extremely White male dominated field. I have always been respected for what I bring to the table and treated as an equal and never ever reminded of the fact that I am a woman, NOT ONCE in my entire career.
     
    Last edited: Mar 3, 2011
  8. Jasminemarigold

    Jasminemarigold New IL'ite

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    well said ASG! I couldn't have put it any better.

    I work in a big educational establishment and been there for more years than I would like to say - but I have always been treated as an equal as well and valued for whom I am - not treated any different because I am a woman and Indian one at that.

    Also there are so many different nationalities at my workplace, but those who have families have the same concerns and worries as our Indian counterparts. Worries/concerns are not confined to any particular nationality.

    One of our cousins is married to US white male for the past 25 years. You couldn't find a better husband. son-in-law or brother-in-law. His family come to stay at his in-laws place in UK and the cousins family go over to US and stay with her in-laws. You couldn't meet a nicer set of people and they are Americans.
     
  9. zipzipzoomzoom

    zipzipzoomzoom Gold IL'ite

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    Hello Ladies,

    Thank you for your wonderful replies. It really made me think throughout the week.

    @A Suitable Girl: I've read through several posts on this forums to see the "flip side" of Indian culture where things aren't so bright, and you really have a knack of cutting through all the fog and haze. In my humble opinion, you can overtake Dr. Laura Schlessinger in giving family/relationship advise - you are articulate and don't mince words.

    Overall, all your responses were the wake-up call I have been looking for the past year or so.

    Thank you all once again!
     
  10. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks ZipZip.

    Kind of off topic, but I just wanted to add.... if the company you are working for has a culture where guys can bully women or treat them like second class employees, then maybe you should consider going to HR or looking for a new employer. Maybe that type of crap was normal in the 1950's, but we're in 2011, and that type of behavior is NOT the norm anymore. So don't put up with it. Just my suggestion. :)
     

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