Remorse of things done and not done

I’m a working mother of two boys aged 1 and 3 years old. I’m a big supporter of natural birth and breastfeeding.
I gave birth to my eldest son after being induced three times and then I faced problems with direct breastfeeding. I had to resort to expressing my milk for him for a year.
For my second child, I did a lot of walking, even through all the labour pain, and gave birth within 40 minutes of reaching the hospital.
Even though I have had to express and feed my second child via the bottle when I am at work, I have been fully breastfeeding him whenever we are together.
I would like to take this opportunity to thank my loved ones and apologise to them, too.

To my husband, I would like to say how sorry I am that I am always bossing him around (in front of his mother at times).
I am sorry that I’m not able to spend 10 minutes for tea or dinner with him as I am always busy with the boys. I’m sorry for saying I would rather go to bed early with the boys than watch TV with him. I always find excuses for not going out with him as I am afraid of handling the kids in public. We don’t eat out as frequently as we used to, and if we do, each of us has to take turns to watch the kids, and rush through our meals to get back home. I’m sorry for sometimes yelling at him and accusing him of preferring to stay in the office rather than come home or preferring to work seven days straight than handle the kids.

To my husband, I would like to say “thank you” for whatever effort put in and help he has provided to lighten my burden. If I have sulked when I should have shown appreciation, I would like to apologise. “You are the best husband, father and son in the world.”

To my mother-in-law, I would like to apologise for sometimes snapping and saying hurtful things. She has never complained and only kept quiet. But I know that I have at times hurt her. I would like to apologise to her for not helping in the kitchen, as my hands are full with the kids.

I would like to thank her for taking care of them when I’m at work. Most of all I want to thank her for being understanding and supporting my breastfeeding efforts. Without her support, I wouldn’t have breastfed my sons until they are 1 year old. I always regard her as my own mother. “You will always be the best mother-in-law for us.”

To my son, I would like to apologise for the times I have yelled and shouted at him. He hates it when people raise their voice at him and it just makes him angrier. I know, but I just can’t control my temper.

He is so active and brilliant and very curious about every single thing but I just can’t match his energy and end up scolding and shouting at him for being naughty.

I’m also sorry that I have not been able to spend much time going through his storybooks with him or watching cartoons or colouring with him.

I am so sorry to have given him a baby brother when he had just turned two, a time when he needed my full attention and affection. I’m sorry that I have to divide what little time I have between both my sons. I also feel bad for having to send my elder son to nursery at the tender age of two, but I just couldn't cope with two boys and the household issues at the same time.

I hope that my eldest son knows that he will always be my baby, my bright star and the first one to reside in my womb and that he will reside in my heart always. He was the one who first called me “amma.” He taught me to be brave and showed me what pain is and gave me the strength to bear it. All in all, he is the one who taught me how to be a mother. Even though I’m not the best, I’m trying.

Lastly, I would like my mother to know that I never knew how tough it is to be a mother until I became one myself, yet I still have long way to go. I hope she will be always there to guide me through. I never had any idea how bad labour pains could be until I experienced it myself. I know I can’t thank my mother enough for all the good things she has done and given us. I can only thank God. I’m sorry for all the times I yelled, shouted, scolded and refused to listen to my mum and for all the doors I banged shut and the things I threw in anger. I hope I never have to face all of that from my own children.

I would like to thank the rest of my family members for being there to support me whenever I have felt down. Thanks for all the support, love and care
Love,
Shantana

 

thank you for the replies. i had posted this article in our local new paper recently and wanted to share it with you all. :thankyou2:
yes, in fact i had it showed to my husband. he was blushing!!!

 

hi venala, thanks for liking and putting comment on my post. a year had passed and so many things had happened. reading back this post making me feel bad and good for so many reasons. thanks for giving me a change to read this post again.
wish u all the best in life and stay with us on IL.