Relationships Forum Chatter & Grey Matter

SGBV · Feb 17, 2017

Thanks for reminding... its been a while since my last pedicure and leg massage

But I agree with @yellowmango madam ji on this. I've seen at least a couple of pairs where the most handsome, hot and young looking guys were unloved or unfit for the marriage; thus their wives complained.
Either they were drug addict, under performing in the bed, or having minimum mental connection to ask for a good sex.

One of my best college friend looks really cute. She was the college queen, and we were no way near to her color, skin tone, hair and style.
Such a good looking girl, with a great heart.
Those days, I was under the impression that "this girl" is gonna be loved and have a really great marriage, coz no one could turn away from her (the beauty as well as the pleasant character).
But sadly, her marriage is on the verge of divorce since the day 1. She has had 2 really bad love failures before her parents finally arranged this guy for marriage.
So, all in all... her romance story is not so great despite of her good looks.

I know one guy, who is supper cute and handsome, a banker - is yet to be in a relationship. He has been seeing gals since a long time it seems.

Whereas, some really really average looking guys and gals could tie their better halves so hard, which is not always about their compassionate love. It is the good sex too!

Nonya · Feb 17, 2017

It happens.

SGBV · Feb 17, 2017

In Tamil, there is a saying "Kili maathiri pondaatti irunthaalum, korangu maathiri vappaatti theva", the rough translation would be, no matter how beautiful the wife is (like a parrot), some men still need a concubine, like a monkey.
My Tamil buddies may correct and rephrase it here..... as Tamil is not my mother tongue. But just remembered this line while looking at this above pics

suasin · Feb 17, 2017

SGBV, you are right with the saying.. But in the above case, Princess Di is the odd one out. The other two are equally, umm, handsome?

suasin · Feb 17, 2017

guesshoo said: ↑

And that works both ways - he perhaps didn't make airhostess/ model wife feel special either...
Click to expand...

Sure.. I was just talking abt the rationale behind people with sexy partners going for ordinary ones.. Either party might feel each other or themselves inadequate and sometimes people 'do' things because they can. That will be again a long discussion in the well worn EMA road ,so..

justanothergirl · Feb 17, 2017

@Rihana good post and advice to pinky. I have had some of friends handle it this way too .
They just buy whatever needs to be bought clothes /small pieces of silver /sweets and hand it to their parents to be given to their in laws. No one needs to know. Simple. Standing up for principles...yes I am all for it...but that battle can be fought after a couple of years of being married..arranged marriage..every one is new to everybody else..u knew the kind of family..guy anf pIL are largely ok ..its some petty gifts....pick and choose ur battles/. In this case pinky is not financially independent so its trickier but she can work with her husband since he seems to be largely ok .....say can we just pitch in ..help my parents out and later when I start earning we can always work it out. Its easier to negotiate that way than saying ok I am going to go to the police station.

Rihana · Feb 17, 2017

JAG, nice to read the above. I was beginning to feel so old. Now I feel old and wise(r). : )

I don't know if things have changed so much, but, in my extended family and DH's too, even now, the younger generation does not talk like that to the older generation, no matter what the older generation does. And even if an old parent needs to be talked to, it is the child who does it, and in private.

My own father, God bless his soul, could be irritating at times. We and uncles/aunts/cousins knew it is his nature and got used to it. It was kind of like one OP posted - her FIL gathers contact info of their friends and acquaintances and chats with them, disclosing family stuff. My father was not like that, but he had a way of making untimely comments. If my SIL came to our house wearing a new dress, and went to the kitchen to ask my mom how it looked, father could be counted upon to say something from the drawing room as he sat with his newspaper/TV. : ) And, he would go outside the house in his banaian/pyjama : ) and talk to the watchman and apt. complex people randomly. This was when he was quite healthy mentally and physically. We used to shudder to think what he is talking, and what damage control we'll have to do. He once told the watchman how/where to get a better job. : )

I remember my mom calling me up livid that father is out talking to some young or old'ish neighborhood women in his banian. : ) I once told her, go out and hand him his shirt. : ) Where they live(d), bare-chested or banian'ed men are considered informal/impolite.

So, even SIL never dared to tell him to his face. That is/was simply not done. We did what we could, but, she learnt to live with it too. As the grandkids arrived, so did they. For every function or party, one chaperone used to be assigned to take care of father. : ) And I won't even get into how they handled phone ringing and only father at home.

I don't know why I rambled on...... but, still, in Indian family scenario, we cannot go fighting for woman's equality and all that so much. Have to get what we want tactfully. In the case of that OP, she will soon go on to be a doctor, have a kid or two, and things will settle down, plus, she will have the prestige that comes with being a doctor. Each strong word said to husband or in-laws will not be forgotten. They will start to dismiss her outbursts as 'it is her nature.'

suasin · Feb 18, 2017

Rihana, I too think police and jail are not going to be forgotten soon. Maybe they'll be ok over time. I feel pinky is a little embarassed by her in laws' old fashioned thoughts and them being uneducated.( Even US settled in laws demand dowry or harass in other ways).If her H has picked up on her feeling abt his parents, wont he feel protective? His silence might be out of that..

I think her parents can afford the shirts and stuff they are asking. More so, she is an only child(?) so its not like she wont get anything. They want to show off i feel.. But Pinky resents it on principle. She can involve H in buying things for Him and later say, dad was insisting but H said no.

A little tact goes a long way.. But we are labelled 'manipulative', 'aunty' etc..wish people differentiate between straightforward and blunt.

justanothergirl · Feb 18, 2017

U know its not limited to just family ..(indian or otherwise) even at work....as u grow in an organization...life is not always easy. There will be issues / decisions taken by those wielding a lot of power..which will go against ur own values or beliefs . Some battles can be fought and won and some cannot. But that does not mean u foolishly throw away what u have and walk out of the door each time u are faced with something that u dont agree with...u bide ur time and u put across ur ideas in a way that is palatable ...u work around issues .

Ragini25 · Feb 18, 2017

yellowmango said: ↑

I got married more than two decades back (through family friends)and those days it was not okay to talk with one and see others too. .
Click to expand...

YM-ji , YM-mam, pranaam, breaking my silence for ji
I completely agree with you on the above - but seems like genX (or gen-madras2018) is different
Actually - not - even now, some are ok with this and some are clearly not ok (even with gen-m2018) and they would be like what you wrote above.

*back to my radio-silence @kaniths