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Relationships Forum Chatter & Grey Matter

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rihana, Jun 22, 2016.

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  1. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Exactly. Because she is a woman, she gets away with it in the story, and no protests, no hoo haa about the storyline. If they show similar behavior by an old man, he would be called lecherous and that the movie is encouraging lewdness etc in a time when nation is trying to improve attitude towards women, and passing new laws.

    Yep. If I recall correctly, they showed a more mature love in Listen ... Amaya.
     
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  2. sokanasanah

    sokanasanah IL Hall of Fame

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    If celebs making the news are to be believed, this is almost a requirement for the modern romance, isn't it? As long as the "action-item" does not become a "chore" that is!:wink1::lol:
    :beer-toast1:
     
  3. Mistt

    Mistt IL Hall of Fame

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    @kkrish
    Thank you
    I moved my question to here and i don't hear any such type of comparisons and comments in USA because my circle is limited here and I follow " birds of a feather flock together". I need suggestions for next year India visit so please take your own time.
     
    Last edited: Jul 25, 2018
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  4. GeetaKashyap

    GeetaKashyap IL Hall of Fame

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    OP,
    I understand how difficult it must be for you. Please speak to some family members or a close friend and seek help. Can any of them communicate with your husband? The second option for you would be to speak to a Psychiatrist or a counsellor. Most major hospitals will have them or you may meet them in private at their clinics. Talking to others will definitely help you to see the possibilities. In that sense you have made a good beginning. There are also telephonic and online suicide prevention centres. Even they can give you a listening ear and guide you. Where are you located, in India or abroad?

    For 6 years how could you keep quiet? At least with your parents or siblings you should have communicated your issues. Just a couple of days ago, a similar issue was discussed. Someone provided helpful links too. Let me try and post that link here. In the meantime, keep a positive outlook and let us hope for some help.

    Please check this link: Fed Up Of Life
     
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  5. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    This just made me so sad. More so because my MIL is exactly like that . She saved up sarees and gold for years for her future DILs. Money was tight and every little bit she could save she did over a long period of time because she knew if she didnt that money would get used up anyway . Long before DH or his brother even went to college. Not very diff from my own mom who saved up for me. Recycling old clothes,newspaper for utensils . PF loans for jewelry. So what if the sarees are old ?Nothing a good dry wash wont fix. After all how hard is to humor old people wearing the sarees or jewelry that they gift few times a year ? Would we do this to our moms?
     
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2018
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  6. Mistt

    Mistt IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Jag,
    I'm taking bold step to write my thoughts.Everyone wants to wears up to date sarees and jewelry. All prefer to go with their choice. Neither mom nor Mil can think / imagine that their Dil / daughter will accept and wear their collection that too they bought them 10 years ago. I can give money and gold coins for my daughter and future Dil but I never buy any jewelry / sarees now to give as my gifts to them in future. When buying gifts I always go with their selection and it gives happiness to both sides. If they like jewelry of mine then I will definitely and happily give to them.
     
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2018
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  7. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    I promise u I dont bite :)

    The issue is not about what u or jag will or wont do for their dil/daughter. We live in diff times and completely diff financial capabilities than our parents . Its more about developing a sense of magnanimity in handling situations as they arise with our parents/PIL.

    All of us like to wear things of our choice. I do too and go bonkers shopping for the exact replica of things that only exist in the tiny corners of my brain. Any gift collection will be but a fraction of what we own. IF that is the only thing u will ever own then we should be having a diff discussion. If that isn’t what is the point in spending hours and days feeling sad or angry. Its a gift accept it graciously humor them by wearing it a couple of times and move on. Is that really so hard?
     
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  8. Mistt

    Mistt IL Hall of Fame

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    :) Jag,
    Don't mind I little scared when posting my thoughts but your reply made me comfortable.
    Agree with you and definitely it is not so hard to wear those gifted things and make them happy. Yes, there is no point of spending hours to worry and get sad or angry on those things.
     
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  9. kkrish

    kkrish IL Hall of Fame

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    I was sad too @justanothergirl .

    However, can I make you happy? We both seem to approach our in-laws in a similar spirit.

    It was a couple of so years after my marriage.
    Once we had to attend a family function, and I had planned on wearing one of my still-crisp and new wedding sarees. I had taken matching bangles and a matching pendant on a chain. This was paprika red with a navy blue border.
    However, my mil just the day before gave me one of her sarees, a copper sulphate with a maroon border. She did not ask me to wear it.

    On the day of the function, something in me made me wear her saree. I just wore the plain chain sans the pendant, plain gold bangles, and I think the closest matching blouse.

    She was so happy to see me when I came out to join them. That day I might have made a fashion faux-pas, but the contentment on making someone happy still lives with me.
    I still have her saree and wear it on her memorial day, every year.

    That was a turning point in our relationship, and I actively moved forward with many planned behavior towards my inlaws, to earn their trust. It worked. In the end all turned positive. My mil ended up being my good friend, so much so, that she said she was very happy with me, a few months before she departed.

    The day she left, I felt alone.
     
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2018
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  10. Mistt

    Mistt IL Hall of Fame

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    @kkrish ma'am
    I feel feelings are reciprocal and loving someone unconditionally is very very difficult that too the someone rude towards us and not a good person. If we love / like them we don't care about our likes / dislikes and do things to make them happy. If we ignore other person's attitude means however they behave with us but we may show nice gesture towards them then that is the best achievement in life. Just felt like to share my feelings here.:)
     
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