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Relationships Forum Chatter & Grey Matter

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rihana, Jun 22, 2016.

  1. Mistt

    Mistt Platinum IL'ite

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    Rihana,
    You expressed exactly how I feel regarding my kids marriage. My primary importance /wish is their happiness after that only I consider anything. I know it is too, too early to think about their marriage still ......
     
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2018
  2. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    The servant maid thread seems to be the hot thread in IL currently.. : ) Reminded me of this forwarded joke:

    Madam to her MAID(kamwali bai): Useless!!!.. Why didn’t you come last week? And that too without informing me????

    Kaamwali bai: O Madam... I had updated my Facebook status to "Will be out of town for a week..." Your husband (Saheb) knows it.
    He even commented "Come soon... Miss U.!!"

    :lol:

    ====================
    One of my first exposures to how much servant maids have advanced in India came in an India trip in the mid or late 90's. I was going up in the lift. A young woman got in, and she was on her cell phone. I thought her saree was so neatly worn (like an air-hostess), and she was wearing nice bangles and big kumkum, well stitched and fitting blouse. The lift reached my floor, I exited the lift. She too. We walked a bit,and ............ entered the same flat. : ) Turns out she was the servant maid in my relative's house.

    Was nice to see the changed times. And how smartly dressed and confident most of them are. Sadly, many also have good-for-nothing husbands.
     
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  3. iamsrihere

    iamsrihere Platinum IL'ite

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    Very true. My MIL feels our maid wears better sarees than her. And the real fact is our maid will never accept old sarees or the ones we no longer use. She would outrightly reject them saying its not good.She knows there must be something bad because we are giving it away.Our neighbors have experienced the same and we no longer want to feel humiliated in front of her:grinning:
     
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  4. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy Platinum IL'ite

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    Glad you were in the same elevator as the maid. I was appalled to see separate elevators for house helps in a upscale residential building in a major city .
     
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  5. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy Platinum IL'ite

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    Nothing wrong there isn’t it , we all love new clothes and have our choices .
     
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  6. iamsrihere

    iamsrihere Platinum IL'ite

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    Absolutely. The point is these people have come a long way than they were treated some decades ago. A good change I would say. Makes it easier to deal with them because we know the boundaries.
     
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  7. ashima10

    ashima10 Platinum IL'ite

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    Another joke!

    In a family phone bill was very high for a particular month: The conversation below

    Dad : who uses phone so much, i make all calls from my office phones.
    Mom: me too
    children : we too!
    Maid : so whats the issue...we all use our work phone :)
     
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  8. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    I've seen those too. That is like shipping, delivery in some buildings have a separate entrance.

    There can be many reasons for reserving some elevators for residents and guests to use, and a separate one for employees of residents or employees who manage the building. As a parent, I would hesitate to let my young child independently use an elevator also used by employees. Another reason could be to keep up the appearances of posh and ambiance in very upscale apartment buildings. People pay a lot to buy or rent in such buildings. It is like in a posh resort's hotel, I would expect that the cleaning service uses a separate elevator or at least not use it when hotel guests are using it. I wouldn't fancy having to use an elevator in which a hotel maid and her cart are also making the trip up or down.

    If it was a cheaper hotel, it would be understandable and I would scoot to the corner of the elevator and also help by holding the door open, and let the cart and cleaning lady disembark first. And make small talk too.
     
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  9. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Ooops... I missed the maid thread. It is closed now.
    Nevertheless, I would like to share my opinion here @amnilakshmi

    Having a maid is a luxury in many parts of the world, including the sub-continent countries like Sri Lanka, where I belong to.
    We, working mothers more or less worship our maids, because it will be horrible without them.
    No one comes to do "house hold chores" unless they have no other option. These days, the women have plenty of opportunities like working in the farm land, companies, stores, etc, and they know how to make money for the living.
    So, the ones who opt for domestic chores know their values; hence demand a lot. Including a colorful salary, allowance, time off, limited workload and whatnot.

    There are innocent maids, but sometimes they may maintain a very poor hygiene level.
    There are cunning and talkative maids, but they can perfectly do the task.
    There are maids who are money minded, who steal, who eat and pack extra food from the kitchen without our knowledge.
    There are maids who leaks out your personal details to the neighbors.
    There are maids, who abduct your children or help those who kidnap children.
    There are maids who harm the children or elders to steal, do what they want.
    There are maids who use the owner's house as their temporary prostitution place, where they invite customers.

    So, it is all about your luck to secure a decent maid, with at least minimum standards.
    Micro managing the maids, overly supervising them like a CCTV camera, and paying too much attention to their talks/behaviors puts them off.
    Instead, you may try to be friendly, helpful, and decent with them without overdoing it.

    Though it is not easy to secure a maid in Sri Lanka, we have managed to have domestic helpers since the past 10 years in our home.
    The present maid is with us since 4+ years (with a gap of 6-7 months due to health reasons).

    She would directly talk to my H and demand certain things to buy.
    She would comment on the things that we buy, stating they are not of good quality, they won't last forever etc
    She would compare my parenting style to my mom's and criticize me
    She would try to speak ill about my in laws, or sometimes about my H knowing we have certain differences (religion)
    She would cook less, and blame me for wasting food
    She would take leave abruptly and later come with a reason
    She would often request money like bus fair, tution fee to her kid, doctor fee etc, and never ever return that favor.
    She would often request me to give her my old/used cloths
    The list has no end. But I don't think any of the maids here are different from this one either.
    They come as a package.
    Like the above bad quality, there are plenty of good qualities in my maid too.
    She is safe to work with, she is nice, she is polite, she cooks tasty food, she is hygienic, she is regular, she is reliable and the list is equally big.

    So, I have learned to over-look her shortcomings, and appreciate her positives.
    I have learned to understand her monitory needs, and developed a helping mind
    I have tried to be friendly with her, and more importantly I have learned to manage my conversations with her. I have the switch in my hand whether to continue the chat or stop it.
    And most importantly, I never micro manage her.

    This way, she stays with us, and will stay with us down the line.
    Having her as a maid is one of the greatest relief for me
     
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  10. sokanasanah

    sokanasanah Finest Post Winner

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    Thank you for the kind words. I hope it was idle reminiscence and not some acute situation that brought those posts to mind!:beer-toast1:
     
    Last edited: Apr 10, 2018
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