Relationships Forum Chatter & Grey Matter

Of course, it is the part of Indian history. The point was that it is also a huge part of our present and this is why we are talking about it, while for French this ridiculous tradition is long gone.
It sounds to me that for you being aware is the same as understanding. No, you might know that something exists, or in this case existed, but you may not comprehend it. First of all, do you know the difference between European version of dowry and modern Indian? Because if you do, it's funny that you equate them and believe that if you comprehend one, you should automatically comprehend another one. They are very different, actually. You think many French girls were routinely burned by their ILs for not bringing enough dowry at that time? And as for my dad, who is Indian, he also doesn't understand the logic behind dowry (yes, this is his choice of words), he just knows that it is an outdated and sexist tradition. Do you want to attack him on this matter too? Because how dares he not to comprehend!
No, in my great grandparents generation it wasn't common anymore, at least this is what my grandma says. My great grandma married without any dowry. Maybe it was common couple generations before her.

Oh dear I wish I could forget so many things, but what happens right now with the white nationalists, nazis and confederacy statues just won't let me

 

It's actually Dh's strategy to manage my expectations be a mentor to the girl, give her high level advice (don't expect blah blah), next time wife does something special & expects no praises , hubby doesn't have to worry about her feeling bad anymore if he doesn't chalk out a timely praise, no fights over this matter, wife is happy & hubby is a hero in her heart! Mission accomplished for dear husband

 

Dowry is part of my culture, and it is very much practiced in many parts of my country, including where I am from. My relatives, neighbors, friends and others have experienced this either directly or indirectly. I've watched a lot of regional movies, and read a lot of novels related to dowry issues. So, I know what it is.

But, dowry is not practiced in my family or within my near/dear ones for the past 100 years or so. I mean, for the past 3 generations.
We do give gifts, and receive gifts, but that is different from Dowry. There is no demand, and there is no calculation like this much for a doctor, this much for an Engineer like that.
AND absolutely, there is no dowry related harassment. Leave alone murder or wife burning incidents.
Also, when it comes to inheritance, all the children get equal shares, unless they refuse it.
So, there is absolutely no weight on what the bride gets, or what she brings to the marriage during this marriage talks in our families.
Even though, the overall benefits (like job, wealthiness, good looking etc) still be the deciding factor of our arranged marriages, but it is gender neutral.

But unfortunately, I did not understand this dowry system when I was victimized by my PILs a few years back.
Strange, but true... despite of having this much sound knowledge about my culture through extensive readings, I failed to understand the seriousness of this when that happened to me.
Leave alone the normal people like my cousins or siblings, who doesn't have a sound connection with their roots.

Knowing the system is one thing, but understanding is different.

Even these American kids know what is slavery, but they don't understand how it feels, or the deep rooted issues behind it.

 

true that is.. we all understand the terms like dowry, slavery, starvation, no water, flood water clogging, etc. but the difference is that we all know these terms as definitions and many of us might be fortunate enought to not experience these, hence the ignorance when it had occurred to others.. unfortunately we will be unable to put ourselves in their shoes and 'feel' what it exactly means..
the chennai flood in dec'15 was an eyeopener for me personally.. my parents had to experience the floods and water clogging and entering into houses.. though i stay in the very next state and its just 7-8 hours journey, i couldnt make myself go there and help nor could they leave everything behind in chennai and come with me.. it was a very horrible situation and i still fume over the fact that- why cant my parents come over to my place/state/city and stay permanently.. even to stay in the same city as mine and relocating from chennai , we(me, my parents) have to think a lot keeping in mind the PILs, their stimulation to DH, manipulations, fights, etc.
okay..this is diverting the topic here.. let me stop..

overall, we can imagine ourselves in others shoes, but we cant 'feel' what it feels like to be in others' situation..

 

Married but yearning for an ex who is also married: Ellie | Toronto Star
In modern life, when girls too can have a life/career/paycheck from outside the home, life can get a leetul riské. I happen to read something (linked above) that I used to pshaw as a first world problem, and contend that it couldn't happen to the pragmatic arranged married couple in the east. And then I have been seeing such things in real life, as well as reading thinly veiled fiction (and nonfiction) in various internet forums.
What is a person to do with residual affections from a premarital life?

 

Agreed. I have taken napping babies or sent hubby and stayed home with a sick one etc etc But this is not about what we would do but about how to react when friends behave differently .

 

Awww...u missed running around the mulberry bush. Koi baat nahin we can fix that ASAP. Let me look at rel threads .
On another note.
This my friend and ur friend/my time ur time in married life. How does that work when only one of u has bought into the concept ? I have decent circle of friends and enjoy hiking/ weekday lunches /dinner (very very rare) with them -sans spouse and kids. But DH is "sakutumba saparivara samethama" type of guy (the entire clan-if we had a dog and cat that would be included too) . Almost all his friends end up being family friends. He always insists on inviting /meeting them with spouse and kids . He genuinely doesnt feel the need to have "his" time . Though he hasnt ever stopped me from doing anything I invariably end up feeling guilty and rethink/drop out of many of my girlfriends-only get-togethers.
Aisa bhi hota hai!