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Relationships Forum Chatter & Grey Matter

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rihana, Jun 22, 2016.

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  1. paru123

    paru123 Gold IL'ite

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  2. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Then, she should decide for herself whether she is OK with leaving the MIL alone at home. And once she has decided either way, stick to that decision without too much brooding or discussion.

    I would suggest that she take up the job but be prepared and also tell that to the employer that she might have to leave if MIL can't handle being alone. Not sure how this will work with an employer. Also, in my personal opinion, the care of a parent is primarily a child's responsibility. If the DIL was at home so far, and MIL got the good care and needed company, that is great. Not all great things last for ever. If the DIL now wants to work, the husband should look into arrangements for his mother's care, such as get a maid, or moving back to the city.

    It all depends on the DIL. How badly she wants to work. And maybe also why she wants to work. Her being home is/was very convenient for her, children, MIL, and the husband. Her starting to work will mean change in lifestyle, money spending and other habits for all.

    Is it completely up to her or will others (kids, husband, MIL) have a say in her final decision?
     
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  3. paru123

    paru123 Gold IL'ite

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    Her children and husband (except mil) are looking forward to the positive changes in lifestyle and money spending habits. So she will have their full support. Considering the fact that service for mil was not out of love but obligation, dil has happily accepted the job offer.

    Will have to wait and watch how things go on with her mil.
     
  4. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Everything is right except this...

    If the woman of the house is out for 10+ hours for work + commuting time, and then if she feels tired/stressed; hence needed some rest for another 30 mins or so, + the other adjustments like sleeping early, arranging stuffs for the next day, spending quality time with children & spouse etc... then, the family needs someone else to compensate her time out at home.
    Generally, the working women keep a maid, so that most of their household chores would be done by the time they reach home.
    Some times, it is the parents or PILs who stay with them (in joint family system) takes care of the burden.
    But here, the MIL is too old to share the chores. In addition, she needs a proper care system (like someone at home in case of any emergency); thus it is very clever idea to have a domestic maid.
    Since the family is getting an additional income, it is ok to spend a % for a maid.

    If the DIL wants to work, she can go to work.
    If she doesnt wanna work, she can reject this offer.
    But pretending it as if some sacrifice or prioritizing H & kids before everything seems little too much.

    We working women still prioritize our families; thus we go to work.
     
  5. Nonya

    Nonya Platinum IL'ite

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    Reliable maid? Some old folks (even couples) who live on their own would want several deadbolt locks on their doors and windows, and require a daily password from anyone who knocks on the door. They are afraid that someone (the reliable maid's outside accomplice) would come in, toss some chilipowder in their face, and steal the the kit and kaboodle.
     
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  6. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    When the son of the mil is fine with her being left alone,why should dil be the only one to care.

    The dil has given her best years to the family....now if she wants to work,it should be her choice . Time for other people to chip in.

    Regarding chances of mil getting depressed staying alone,she is not the only one in the family. There is a chance of the dil getting depressed too if she does not get to do what she wants to do. She has one life too.

    Mil gets to live in a home with family ,all her needs taken care of.
    If mils want to enjoy the company of dil in old age,the effort has to be made to be friendly with dil much earlier.
    If loneliness can lead to depression,so can being forced to be in someone's company out of obligation.

    I think if the dil wants to take the job,she should do it and feel no guilt in doing so.

    Not keeping a maid for whatever reason seems pretty stupid. Not just the mil,even the dil needs a maid to make up for the extra work she is taking on.
     
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  7. iamsrihere

    iamsrihere Platinum IL'ite

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    @yellowmango ,
    Love the way you have expressed your points.:clap2:
     
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  8. paru123

    paru123 Gold IL'ite

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    Unfortunately here no one wants to spend on maid. Most likely option for son would be to move her to other sons house in another city which mil actually hates. She prefers to stay alone for 10 hours and breathe fresh air than move to another city and feel suffocated.

    In the current place she gets a chance to meet relatives once in a while.

    Lucky are the elderly people who can depend on internet to divert their mind from the loneliness in these kind of scenarios.

    And yes I agree to the point that Dil should go to work if she wishes. This one had already spent a long time for her children and husband and always suppressed her wishes and desires for them.
     
  9. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    This is not a matter of right and wrong. Why should DIL not work? To keep her MIL company? especially when they are not on talking terms.

    Personally, unless the MIL needs constant assistance, I think the situation works out for everyone. DIL is able to start a job, meet people, have a purpose outside of the family home. And MIL does not need to be constantly watched by her DIL. IF the MIL needs constant assistance, it's time to hire a nurse.
     
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  10. deepthyanoop

    deepthyanoop Gold IL'ite

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    QUOTE="Vedhavalli, post: 3996252, member: 269811"]Hi all,
    This week's menu. Went to Indian stores, farmers market this weekend.

    Sunday
    1. Cereal
    2. Lunch at restaurant
    3. Egg rice

    Monday
    1. Pesarattu coconut chutney
    2. Sambar, okra fry , rasam and salad
    4. Okra fry and chapati

    Tuesday
    1. Idli with ginger chutney
    2. Snake gourd kootu with pappad, rasam.
    3. Gobi Manchurian with maida chapati

    Wednesday
    1. Idli with mint coconut chutney
    2. Pepper jeera rice, tapioca pearls payasam, curd rice, lemon rice, and plaintain fry.
    3. Same as lunch

    Thursday
    1. Dosa with sambar
    2. Sambar with Gobi fry, rasam.
    3. Mooli paratha with raita

    Friday
    1. Cereal
    2. Tamarind rice, urad dal vada, kozhukattai, coconut rice, moongdal payasam and curd rice.
    3. chapati with potato cabbage curry

    Saturday
    1. Utapam with cilantro chutney
    2. Vathal kuzhambu with carrot green gram kootu.
    3. Chapati with carrot kootu[/QUOTE]




    Hi Veda,
    Wow your menu seems soooo good and balanced. Really inspired...
     
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