1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Relationships Forum Chatter & Grey Matter

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rihana, Jun 22, 2016.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
Page 113 of 206
  1. Apr 6, 2017 #1121
    guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,786
    Likes Received:
    7,303
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    @Rihana you have described a friendship I have currently. I'm I'm your friend's shoes and in my head my overall coolness is justified. I am warm when we meet and issue invitations to catch up because I do genuinely wish her well but am wary to get too close and have the rug pulled from under my feet again.

    How you play it is entirely up to you. If it feels fake, cool it off and be tactful and diplomatic if questioned. Or lie outright that you haven't cooled off. Alternately be warm when there is contact and let it fizzle at other times. It's after all small talk. If toy don't want to talk about extended family, there's always the flat, "all are well same old. Same old." line that I employ.

    And even if it were a possibility to bring up the past, I'd advice against it. Let sleeping dogs lie/ water under the bridge etc.
     
    guesshoo, Apr 6, 2017
    guesshoo, Apr 6, 2017
    #1121
    Vaikuntha and Rihana like this.
  2. Apr 6, 2017 #1122
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,503
    Likes Received:
    30,273
    Trophy Points:
    540
    Gender:
    Female
    I don't like that each invitation to catch up (let's have coffee) ends up fizzling out. Twice, we fixed up time, I was ready and last minute she called it off due to 'getting late.' And, no attempt by her to reschedule.

    The small talk and all that I can do, but, it is the "long time, no see" that gets to me. I feel like replying, "yes, you don't reply to email s and calls, and always end up 'running late' for coffee" Maybe I should learn how to smile and laughingly say, "Yeah yeah so says the busy madam who has no time ...."

    I don't do well with not knowing the reason for a behavior. I somehow got over the actual incident that caused the rift. But, I don't get this why she fixes up a time (by herself, I don't initiate), and then doesn't meet. If you want to keep it at level of a rare but genuine, warm contact, fine. Keep it like that. Why send an email, then not respond. Fix a time to meet, then, 'run late'. And why when we meet pretend that 'long time no see' was due to reasons we don't know.

    Anyway, I've decided I will be cooler. (I can't believe I am dissecting it so much). If "long time no see" comes up, I will say 'I am always ready for a coffee" Thing is, I have to train DH also for this. If not, he will be the usual. And then I will end up looking like the "cold" unfriendly one of the lot. Have to tell him that when I am moving on after saying hello, he should come too. And if they meet at the buffet, no need to talk like old times.

    No. There is no point in it. As it turned out, there are many people in the world to make friends with.
     
    Rihana, Apr 6, 2017
    Rihana, Apr 6, 2017
    #1122
    guesshoo likes this.
  3. Apr 7, 2017 #1123
    guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,786
    Likes Received:
    7,303
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Sounds flakey. No point taking anything she says seuoursly at all. Rather sounds like my friend who not only bungle up coffee date with me but also fixes play date for our kids and either forgets/ chooses something else / complains about car trouble or some such. Worst case her child will have the flu (which I doubt ad the child would be in school during the day anyway!)... I have stopped breaking my head over it at all nowm saves so much trouble.

    What you said about many more people in he world rather foes strike a chord.

    Glad to see you have a DH who is capable of following the plan. Mine always insists on being extra nice to people I'm distant with to make up for my rudeness - or so he claims... He aims to even things out by taking the high road with lectures of we are a family; what we do reflects on both of us; I'll make up for your aloofness etc. It gets my goat though.
     
    guesshoo, Apr 7, 2017
    guesshoo, Apr 7, 2017
    #1123
    Rihana likes this.
  4. Apr 7, 2017 #1124
    yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,663
    Likes Received:
    23,148
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    I have a neighbor few floors below who always makes a big show of how we don't meet often( we are not friends or long time aquaintance )
    She throws invitation for chai wai when hubbies are away and every time I say...fine ,lets meet up tomorrow...her response is ...oh no,I am busy tomorrow.

    Yesterday she called me and with a lot of josh called me over for tea......with lot of c'mon yaar,lets have chai shai na.
    Since I was free ,I decided to finally have tea with her.

    She made tea only for me and said...mera to chai peene ka maan nahi hai.o_O
    The most boring chai shai I ever had I:mad:
    I have put her down as the one with lots of nuts loose in the head.:confused::confused:
     
    yellowmango, Apr 7, 2017
    yellowmango, Apr 7, 2017
    #1124
    sindmani, Rihana, guesshoo and 1 other person like this.
  5. Apr 7, 2017 #1125
    yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,663
    Likes Received:
    23,148
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    Expecting husbands to follow your plan in a social situation is such a losing battle:rolleyes:
    It's like they have a mind of their own:eek::yum:
     
    yellowmango, Apr 7, 2017
    yellowmango, Apr 7, 2017
    #1125
    KashmirFlower, Amica, suasin and 3 others like this.
  6. Apr 7, 2017 #1126
    Nonya

    Nonya Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,465
    Likes Received:
    2,179
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    And you could have your own chai at home, on your own time.... and let the crazy one have her own chai (or coffee, for that matter, if she happens to be a coffee-person), on her own time. The sort of friend can only be found on internet forums. You may visit her in whatever getup you have on, even with a mudpack on your face.
     
    Nonya, Apr 7, 2017
    Nonya, Apr 7, 2017
    #1126
    Amica, suasin and Rihana like this.
  7. Apr 7, 2017 #1127
    SunPa

    SunPa Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,041
    Likes Received:
    2,413
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    :biggrin::biggrin:
     
    SunPa, Apr 7, 2017
    SunPa, Apr 7, 2017
    #1127
    KashmirFlower, Rihana and yellowmango like this.
  8. Apr 7, 2017 #1128
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,503
    Likes Received:
    30,273
    Trophy Points:
    540
    Gender:
    Female
    Giving credit where it is due. My DH is good at measured response. In the recent past, I have started to ask him how to respond to certain email, text or voice-mail, or invitation. He comes up with this "middle" response which always impresses me. If I say not to be overly warm or chatty when talking to someone, he will mostly follow. Will even ask the good question, "how about with her husband?" : )
     
    Rihana, Apr 7, 2017
    Rihana, Apr 7, 2017
    #1128
    Laks09, poovai, Nonya and 2 others like this.
  9. Apr 7, 2017 #1129
    yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,663
    Likes Received:
    23,148
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    @Rihana ....you hit the jackpot girl!!!!:beer-toast1:
     
    yellowmango, Apr 7, 2017
    yellowmango, Apr 7, 2017
    #1129
    Rihana likes this.
  10. Apr 8, 2017 #1130
    Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    3,037
    Likes Received:
    8,380
    Trophy Points:
    460
    Gender:
    Female
    Yay for internet friends!
     
    Amica, Apr 8, 2017
    Amica, Apr 8, 2017
    #1130
Page 113 of 206
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page