Relationships Forum Chatter & Grey Matter

yellowmango · Mar 26, 2017

Talking of whatapp messages....
Saw this silly argument between husband and younger one on the family gp involving me.
Dh:yeah...but she is my wife before she is your mom.
Dd: yeah....but I am her latest relationship.

Shanvy · Mar 26, 2017

@yellowmango, ym we do have them and it is so funny at times, ofcourse everyother day we both are reminded.bh the young man...
"Kya karein guys manufacturing defects..and no replacemrnt warranty from the factory.."
sigh....

Rihana · Mar 26, 2017

ym and Shanvy , your posts remind me that I have some whatsapp groups that are precious. One for four of us, and another for DD and us parents. Chalo, I forgive the other groups for being so vexing. : )

SGBV · Mar 27, 2017

@Rihana this is one of the main reasons why I have chosen to leave many whatsapp groups last year. Currently I am active only in a very few groups, including family.
The other groups like High school, university, former work place etc used to have me as a silent spectator only. I just keep them for the updates only. So, no issues since feelings are mutual.

yellowmango · Apr 5, 2017

@Nonya

Nonya said: ↑

hmmm.... this is so confusing to me. MY BAD, too long a firangi. "An Affair", "A Relationship", "Having feelings for each other", "Friendship" --- are phrases in phoren that mean less as less of being (bodily) intimate.
You can see how the statement "Of course we were very very young when we started our affair." can toss a firangi-at-heart into a "say what ?". Is the phrase "having an affair" used loosely, easily, by two persons who are keenly intrusive with one another, in person and on the telephone ? And nothing more ? No private trysts in hotel rooms, and such ?
In phoren, where "dating" may even be an euphemism for the sharing of a bed, we get confused easily. The notions of "only after the 3rd or 4th date...", and "it destroyed the good relationships we have had", "he never called me after that"...... are all things we are used to hearing on our soap operas. If mere "dating" can wreck a friendship, and move the individuals into a different sort of feeling about one another, marriage and kids...whoa... should certainly do much more of that.

Wasn't that Rihana who started a thread ( a long one, wasn't that?) about whether marriage wrecks a friendship ?

What is the implication of the use of the phrase "having an affair" in India ?
Click to expand...

Affair usually means both partners acknowledge their liking for each other,chat ,meet ,date etc.
Does not usually mean a serious relationship with physical intimacy.That would probably move on from the 'affair' category to serious relationship.

(some more for general knowledge)
Amongst youngsters....'he proposed me' does not usually have anything to do with marriage proposal(that would require approval from mummyji and papaji)....this proposal is just a showing of interest in 'special fraaaandship'

Amica · Apr 5, 2017

yellowmango said: ↑

@Nonya

Affair usually means both partners acknowledge their liking for each other,chat ,meet ,date etc.
Does not usually mean a serious relationship with physical intimacy.That would probably move on from the 'affair' category to serious relationship.

(some more for general knowledge)
Amongst youngsters....'he proposed me' does not usually have anything to do with marriage proposal(that would require approval from mummyji and papaji)....this proposal is just a showing of interest in 'special fraaaandship'
Click to expand...

Thank you, @yellowmango. I wanted to know but didn't dare ask.

rupz · Apr 5, 2017

Hi,

It would be good to have a ILS WhatsApp group.

Nonya · Apr 5, 2017

Amica said: ↑

Thank you, @yellowmango. I wanted to know but didn't dare ask.
Click to expand...

heheheee.... I was reminded of those self-pamper guides of the ilk...
Have A Love Affair... With Yourself: A Simple Guide For The Everyday Woman To Embrace Her Body, Mind and Spirit - Kindle edition by Kristin Cenderelli. Religion & Spirituality Kindle eBooks @ Amazon.com.

Rihana · Apr 6, 2017

This thing has bothered me for so long, I have thought so long, that I feel I already posted it. : )

A very good friend and I "broke up" a few years ago. Was hard on me, as she initiated the break up. I got the hint only after some calls, emails went unanswered. I have a general idea of what might have caused it. It was a joint community venture, and some tempers got frayed and some frank conversations took place. I thought once the event was past, that was it. Was not the case.

Anyway, I tried now and then to talk/email, no response. Then, things changed, and over past 2-3 years, she gets in touch once in a while, like 9-10 months. Very warm when we talk. We plan to meet, then it fizzles out. Have met 2-3 times in person at huge group events. I get the big hug, and "how are you... how is <kid1> <kid2> .. what's up .. aur suna..." I go with the flow and respond with equal warmth though a thousand questions go through my mind.

So, one more such possible meeting is coming up later this month. I am tired of pretending all is fine. Want to be civil but not overly warm. She doesn't do the big hug and warm talk to show off or for the benefit of others present. That I know. We were very close. She is not a person who'd pretend something she isn't feeling. So the warmth on meeting is genuine.

What can I do? Bringing up 'what happened..' in any way is out of the question. I simply don't care any more. If she did not respond to my overtures years ago, I am not interested in again trying.

When we meet, would it be ok or right to respond but a tad coolly? Smile but not ear to ear. And to move on after "hi, how are you?" I don't want to ask about her siblings and other topics we usually touch upon.

yellowmango · Apr 6, 2017

@Rihana ......it is possible she has found a substitute for you.....someone she is as close now but gets guilt pangs when she sees you hence the same warmth shown.

Or she is aware she was more on the wrong and hence the guilt.

Or the guilt of not having the strength to go over things again and get closure ....hence the temporary pseudo status quo.

Anyways....if it is uncomfortable for you ....just do the casual greeting and move on.