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Relationship Turned Worst

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Independentgal, Nov 21, 2019.

  1. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    May be going alone can help you to get some clarity. If you work in USA, explore EAP , they cover free sessions.
    Do you have GC or your own visa.

    You cannot do anything now. You cannot force him to love or respect you. It take time for him to give up his ego.
    But you can make your life better, focus on you & kids, depend on day cares for kids, dont invite your or his parents here all the time.

    Let him take his own time to come back to you. He is will runway if you chase him or show that you are so desperate to have him in your life. You need to show your strong avatar. Neglect his behavior, try to emotionally detach. Try to make your home a happy one , try to avoid more arguments. Behave as if you are preparing for your own life. I can understand, the trauma you are going through. Its sad to live in this kind of marriage with no love,care or respect. You need to demand respect and stop him from disrespecting you . Dont be his doormat. Your kids will also learn that behavior. No more arguments, and show that you are not interested in him.

    The fact that your kid dont like him is a big red flag. If he cannot be a good father, what the use. It will be damaging if parents treat each other this way, and if abuse is involved. Its better to be in two happy homes than being with unhappy parents. What message she get? I am against any kind of divorce/separation. But if physical abuse is involved, its not a safe place to live in.

    Take a break emotionally from this relationship. You and yours kids should be your priority now. Be practical. Give more time and have lot of patience.
     
    Last edited: Nov 22, 2019
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  2. Independentgal

    Independentgal Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you ,for all the suggestions.
    Right now mom is here for another 4 to 5 months.After that I will send baby to day care ,I am thinking.I am not going to invite his parents here,but if he wants to get them that will be a different topic.
    I am working towards emotional detachment, I hope I will get there soon
     
  3. Independentgal

    Independentgal Senior IL'ite

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    Any tips on emotional detachment dear ladies.You all are awesome.I am very happy to write all my perspectives here instead of sharing with friends and parents.Friends in todays world dont care(nothing wrong they have their own life ,families and issues) and parents (It makes them sad)
     
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  4. Independentgal

    Independentgal Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you so so much. Every single line means so much.Older one was always emotionally dettached from him. She likes him but just doesnt show it to him.
     
  5. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    I feel that accepting the reality (his behavior, his lack of respect, your life now), lowering the expectations, count your blessings, thinking what to do make your life better , always think neutral before you talk, self talk about the positivity, force your mind stop wandering with negative thoughts, giving lot of space to others etc are the stepping stones. We are raised in India with a belief that husband is the center of our universe and our happiness is linked to them. This over codependency lead to many painful situations.

    May be reading more on that topic in web or YouTube give a better perspective.
     
    Last edited: Nov 22, 2019
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  6. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    you really mean that ?
     
  7. Independentgal

    Independentgal Senior IL'ite

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    Yes he did that. Not once all the time .He doesnt even make any eye contact
     
  8. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    good question !
     
  9. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    complicates things and limits your options.
     
  10. Independentgal

    Independentgal Senior IL'ite

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    Having parents over here will stop
     

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