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Relationship Hijack And Banter

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rihana, Sep 17, 2018.

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  1. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 IL Hall of Fame

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    This is where it's all starting. Shouldn't they be standing up for themselves?
    Why let the situation go until a "abusing situation" ?
    Why Compromise at all.
     
  2. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    standing up should have happened much before the beating when the first demand for dowry came in , then she would not have reached the Apollo deathbed.

    She is highly educated....should have tried to have some financial security .. should have stood up for herself and left the husband much before then this beating and should have filed dowry harassment case .... then husband and ILs would have suffered instead of her ...

    And to think she wanted to still
    Reconcile with husband after beating ... yes we should all follow her example of not standing up and bearing all the torture

    And girls parents should have acted much earlier not wait till daughter reaches deathbed ....
     
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2019
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  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    True....
    Highly qualified woman should have done this long back....but I would give her the benifit of doubt in this case because of how powerful the family in question is.
    These judges have a lot of influence and power and most people would be scared of going against them.
     
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  4. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Totally agree.
    I think the girl's family is as much to blame in such cases. ( In this case the abusers were very powerful)
    They are the ones who teach their daughter to bear all . They are the ones who keep sending her back for reconciliation.
    They are the ones who do not have their own daughters back.

    Once the daughter is dead and there is no longer the danger of the ' divorced' daughter coming back home... These same people become very bold to go to police.

    The first responsibilty of standing by the girl is her own familys.
    It is the girl's family who fail her more.
     
  5. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    Better late than never.
    These kind of people should be exposed. Else ,he gets divorce, custody of kids and will walk away with a new bride. Also they are powerful people and can do anything. Being alive is important .

    FIL touching DIL that way. What a disgusting act and spineless husband, dancing with the tune of his parents. They all educated, but what's the use.

    She should have the courage to get out of marriage earlier itself. We dont know whether they allowed her to get out of their house

    Many women tolerate and dont inform parents as they dont want to give pain to them after spending this much.

    It's the duty of parents to tell daughter, they will be with her if something goes wrong. But most of them advice daughters to adjust saying " he is your husband he has right to hit " you kind of dialogue . They dont want a divorced daughter in their home . Their false pride is important. As these women are raised in that way and dont have courage to walk out. Most of the time they are in between the devil and sea kind of situation. If women are not financially independent and if they dont have supportive family, they try adjust for kids..

    It's the duty of mothers to raise courageous daughters , who know their rights and values. But in Indian society, most of the women are taught to be glorified slaves. I think the change should start with every woman and home. Many women dont have the courage to stand up for them and inherit these fears to their daughters.

    It's most likely that kids of victims can be victims in future. Also those kids who has witnessed abuse can become abusers on future. This cycle continues in many families.
     
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2019
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  6. nemesis

    nemesis Platinum IL'ite

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    Real life is anything but binary. The spouse, the marriage- is a package with a fair share of + and -.

    In this case, this woman might have felt trapped- her marital home isn't what she thought, but with a very good social status so the push factor isn't enough to make her walk out. Also the trap of kids - the 'will suffer for the sake of kids'. And once she realized even the namesake family isn't gonna be there, she went all guns blaring.

    Reminds me of Gonegirl.
     
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  7. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    The girls father is also not a small man , ,he is endowments commissioner in govt ...

    They had given hefty dowry to get the well qualified daughter married ....

    The two highly placed GOVT employees very well knew giving and taking of dowry is both bad and illegal but went ahead .... this should have been stopped at that point itself .....

    We need more like this brave girl who stopped her marriage when the would be IL demanded marriage ...

     
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  8. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    My attempt at sarcasm fell flat. There was a Mrs. M in one thread who might have surprised her husband of 25 years with a divorce apparently due to her in-laws moving willy-nilly. Her act was called "maybe borderline cruel." And it was said that she should have stood up in the early years itself against her husband and in-laws. So, I was saying the woman in this cctv also would be advised to "stand up for herself" when a group is beating her or when she is on a stretcher at Apollo.

    I am confused now with who is saying what. : )
     
  9. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    I understood your sarcasm as it was directed at me but my point remains same ... stand up we must at the very beginning... it may help reduce the suffering
     
  10. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    I am always not sure whether it is fair or right to put the blame or even part of it on the victim in such cases.

    If a person is ill-treated due to his caste or socio-economic status, will we support him or point fingers at the time he did not speak up for himself against forces bigger than him? Don't we want to aim for a world where such ill-treatment does not happen in the first place? Is the burden of changing the world on the victims?

    Would we tell dalits that they were wrong to have put up with ill-treatment for centuries? That they are the ones who need to bring about the change? Why then will we tell women that they were wrong to have put up with ill-treatment in the early years of marriage?

    Just thinking aloud. These depressing questions have no answers.
     
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