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Relationship Hijack And Banter

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rihana, Sep 17, 2018.

  1. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    spicy mango Moscow mule sounds so much better than no-invitation, no-valet parking, no-nonveg, no-open bar reception I tell ya!

    jokes apart, if no invitation is sent, I would not go. Principles or no principles.
     
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2018
  2. Deborah

    Deborah Gold IL'ite

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    Lol, although the outcome is a desirable one but no need to create a dysfunctional family environment for that. One can simply show the kids the door when they are capable enough to take care of themselves like a bird nudges her chicks out of the cozy nest. Here, Indians can take a leaf out of Western culture , instead of just McDonald's and Starbucks .Shove kids out , be it a boy or a girl and let them find their ground . Too difficult to do in reality in an Indian setting. After all, girls will always be Parayi ( belonging to someone else ) and boys will be budape ka Sahara. Jago India Jago and stay awake if you already have .
     
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  3. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    When !!? :anguished:
    America has a lot of children in their 20's and 30's staying in their parents' house. Many had failed to create a judiciously right amount of incentive for their "children" to get out of there. One parent (his efforts went viral on the internet) even went so far as to get the court to help him get rid of his 30 year old son.
     
  4. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Some children, not lots
     
  5. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    It is not necessarily the Indians, many of my colleagues at work are supporting their adult children. They keep their medical / dental insurance coverage as dependent (I think, till 26) and are continued to live in their basement or above their garage.

    Few of my neighborhood adult children are staying home with their parents, as well. The young men / women work as teacher, mechanics, hair dresser etc and are in their mid 30's, not married yet. If they are a misfit / argumentative, it may be easier to kick them out. Just a soft corner, that's all.

    At one point, it will turn into 'taking care' of their elderly parents, right?
     
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2018
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  6. Deborah

    Deborah Gold IL'ite

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    Although I don't have the statistics ,I do agree that Americans do stay back with parents or the parents have to extend a roof over the offspring's head at times but it's mostly a monetary arrangement , not a "Maa Baap ke hote hue beta ekk hi shahar me dusre ghar me kyun rahega ?!". Also in US , even if a co- habitation exists , the adult offspring or the parent is not liable to inform the other of their daily curriculum or activities as long as rules of the household are being followed .Both sides can enjoy their life their way and they usually have liberty to keep their private lives apart. Parents also like to have their lives undisturbed.I have seen co- habitation beyond age of 18 in expensive cities in US where a newly employed young adult just out of college needs help with accommodation etc atleast till he/ she saves enough to be on their own,especially since real estate in big places is a pain.However, there is no overly molly-coddling , interference etc .Emotional ,mental and physical dependency from either side is considered unusual. Focus is laid more on establishing relationships within their respective age - groups. Also, if any side ( groom or bride's) pays for either the wedding or the honeymoon, that is considered a wedding gift in itself , not a customary responsibility.I am sorry to say that things are so different in India, thinking of my own wedding.I think the whole problem with us Indians lies with "log Kya sochenge and log Kya Kahenge." Just because of this thinking , problems like dowry, spending huge in weddings for sake of show - off, women ( and also men ) putting up in failed marriages are so prevalent.I do hope that newer generations will bring about a change sooner or later .
     
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  7. ragnarok

    ragnarok Senior IL'ite

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    Well said, some here point out only one side.
     
  8. Deborah

    Deborah Gold IL'ite

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    It might or might not. People in US generally tend to marry late. Marrying in 40s is as normal as in 20s. Say, a son living with parents finds someone and is thinking of popping the question . No woman will say Yes to come and live with the in laws , so the man has to move out subsequently. Living with parents minimizes a person's chances to have a relationship with opposite sex . There are also cases where the whole family moves to the same city ( but separate houses) as the old parents so as to provide support . And sometimes retiring parents move closer to the son/ daughter .Sometimes parents have saved enough for a retirement community and they move there by themselves. There also exists an arrangement of "In - laws suite" where the lower half of a 2 storey house is occupied by the grandparents but it has its own kitchen , washrooms and entrance . Some families prefer living like this . I was explaining this to MIL when she was visiting us in US.We were at my friend's place for lunch and she was looking for a house like this . After listening to me , MIL said -" what's the point of living like this ? " There is no concept of son and his family having privacy in Indian scenario. Grandparents want grandkids sleeping with them , son and bahu taking in laws along on their outings and what not.
     
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  9. ragnarok

    ragnarok Senior IL'ite

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    Unfortunately, parenting does play a part.
    Tell the kid - ok dont marry if that's the case. Stay single.
    Without tough parenting, they are bound to be somewhat spoilt brats, innit?
     
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  10. Deborah

    Deborah Gold IL'ite

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    Agree @ragnarok . When a baby is born , if it cries even for a second, grandparents say don't make 'my'baby cry ( as if mother is getting some sadistic happiness out of it). This continues through out the childhood and extends into adulthood . Boys asking bikes for passing Xth boards and girls getting their hair colored.
     
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