This has been debated deeply in contexts other than com.shaadi. Here's some homework, below. Not quite "Relationships" centered, but I'm relying on the implicit permission to "hijack"! Like Sheep to the Slaughter The Bystander Jewish Responsibility During the Holocaust Don't mean to get all heavy; nor am I equating desi matrimonial depredations with the Jewish holocaust. Simply pointing out that this debate about the 'responsibility of the victim' exists. The homework is extra-credit, not mandatory.