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Relationship Hijack And Banter - 3

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rihana, Nov 20, 2019.

  1. Roar

    Roar Gold IL'ite

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    @yellowmango , I like the perspective... refreshing and crisp and short. Like always, your posts bring an unbiased view.

    although for now, I tend to lean towards the other side of it that she did not answer the actual question( ..on how SHE as a parent entertained kids rather went on how she did not have to)..
    sorry I think I am being carried away by rigidness...will try stepping on a lego to deviate myself

    @Rihana .. yeah its ok if people are not sensitive to the topic.. but by not being insensitive is still a big help..
     
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2019
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  2. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Agree with the post not being too helpful but then we have all done that . I don't think she meant to offend people like it was taken to mean and dissected.

    It is like me and my husband often say it is wonderful to have two girls ...it does not mean having one girl is bad or having a boy is bad.

    People will say only what they have experienced.
    Krish and shrav will talk about being single child based on their experience and someone like me will feel and say differently coming from a multiple children home .

    I have two girls and that is my experience .
    It was extremely helpful to have two girls with very little age difference and they were always company for each other and never lonely.
    That was one less thing for me to worry about.

    Does this mean I cannot say this for fear of offending people who have one child,no child, one boy and one girl or children spaced many years apart?
     
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2019
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  3. Roar

    Roar Gold IL'ite

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    Hehe... i edited to let you know how your posts are valuable... I totally agree with you: experience is what we write :)
     
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  4. Roar

    Roar Gold IL'ite

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    No. Its the opposite.

    No two people have the same story to tell.. tell your story honestly but tell it kind. Yourself and many others do it very well here :).

    The post might be out of experience, out of honesty... but the post smelt self righteous. Thus triggered outrage. I don't think all the posters there were/ had 1 child but yet managed to keep peace while posting.

    ...,this site is addictive!. I already feel I have posted too much on it !! :icon_writing:.. too much to say or what?
     
  5. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Advertised on my page:hearteyes: Screenshot_20191212-070420_Chrome.jpg
     
  6. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    I was thinking about this a few times today. Sometimes I felt it was OK, but from another angle, it seems wrong. Some examples came to mind from conversations over the years:

    Parents with no flexibility at work
    A group of working mothers are having lunch at work. Due to some reasons they don't get to leave work early and miss important events in child's school. They are talking about how to make it up to the child. One woman who managed to get flex work hours, says, "Oh I make sure never to miss any event in my son's school. I would never forgive myself if I did." She has no suggestions that the other women can use or how they can also get flex hours.

    Her statement would be OK in a general discussion about how much importance do parents give to school events. It is insensitive when the other women simply cannot make it to their child's school events.

    Woman with emotionally unavailable husband
    A woman is venting to her friends about her husband who is always busy with work, no romance, does not even acknowledge her. She asks them what she can do so he at least throws her one kind word a day. One friend says, "That's sad. My husband makes dinner 3x a week, lets me sleep in on Sunday ... I am so lucky." She has no suggestions for the woman who is venting.

    Romantic husband wali's statement would be appropriate if the women were comparing notes on how romantic/considerate a husband each has. Just listing her husband's good qualities when the other not-so-lucky woman is looking for suggestions is not nice, it only makes the sad woman sadder.

    Green card wait is 20+ years
    A family is looking at the reality that they will get a green card only after 2040 at best. That means a lot of uncertainty and extreme stress and an uncertain future. They are talking about their problem and brainstorming Canada, Australia options in a group where most have a similar situation. A person in the group with US citizenship goes on about the benefits of U.S. citizenship, how he got it easily in 1992, and how no other country's citizenship can come close.

    US citizen's statement is OK in a general discussion of immigration options. It is crass when the others are not as lucky as he got to be and the point of the discussion is the long wait.

    Working moms struggling to make time for child
    A bunch of moms at the park discussing how working moms can make time for their children. A SAHM present there can offer them ideas on making time. But if she only lists all that she does with her children each afternoon after school and has no helpful suggestions, not nice. If the discussion was "what do you do with your child", then her list would be OK.

    It would depend on what is the main point being discussed and what experiences people are sharing. Now even I am confused ... But I can say for sure if some people are discussing how to achieve something or solve a problem, I would hesitate to go on about how that is a moot point for me.

    Whatvever... : ) Typed it up so I can get the examples out of my head. : )
     
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2019
  7. ragzz

    ragzz Bronze IL'ite

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    ^ How do you remember so many things from yesteryears and able to bring it out in a correlated fashion? :grinning: @Rihana

    Anyway - some folks like you are more sensitive to the context (which is very good), some aren't - since we are the only ones who we have control over, it is best to be resilient to the various kinds so as to minimize the impact on our selves.
     
  8. Mistt

    Mistt IL Hall of Fame

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    :worship2:@Rihana for the Gyaan. I observed one thing from last year, I acquire most of enlightenments in December.:grinning:
     
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  9. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    tom.jpg
    So I texted this picture to DH, captioned with "what to do" in his mother-tongue. :grinning:

    Background: 4 years back, new desi neighbors moved in. Youngish couple with toddler, now first grader kid. The guy is from the same state as my DH, hi/hello turned into some borrowing/lending ladder, jump start kit, etc. Mostly us lending to them. No inviting for dinner/lunch, just chai.

    One day the lady was talking with me in my driveway, my longtime neighbor came by to drop off food as they were going on a 10 day trip. It is a one-way drop-off. : ) She cleans up her fridge and pantry, and drops off few items like fruit, bread, eggs. She asked once, I told what is welcome, and she only gives those things. I don't drop off as when we go on long trips, I stop cooking/shopping 3 days in advance and fridge is empty anyway.

    So, the new neighbor lady saw that and she also started to drop off fridge stuff when they go on long trips. She never asked if she can. After they lock up and setting out in their car, they drop by our house, and quickly hand over all the things. The problem is that it includes things like a sorry looking half-cut tomato with shriveling edges. Half an onion (they cut onion and then peel it!), coriander few stalks with some rotten leaves, quite ripe bananas, milk carton with only one day left to use (a kind I don't use anyway), store bought butter milk, and left over daal, and sabji's.

    The reason these women drop off the perishables is that they don't like to throw them away. DH sees me throw away most of those things, wash the dabbas and carefully return them, and said I should stop this already. I don't like to use daal, sabji that has already stayed in somebody's fridge for 2-3 days. Just a yuck feeling. Though I keep my own cooked sabji's for 4-5 days also in my fridge.

    Question: would you use a half-cut tomato that neighbor drops off? : )

    I know this is a pathetic question, but, that tomato is still in my fridge awaiting my judgement. : ) Meanwhile, I have to remind my kid not to use it for his sandwich.

    I can't say no now. Should have said that the first time she dropped off, but she saw my older neighbor dropping off......

    Why would anyone give a half-cut tomato to a neighbor in a box! Isn't it simpler to just eat it.

    Just a ramble.. I guess I need a bigger problem this Friday the 13th ......
     
  10. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Same here
    I wouldn't eat someone's old dal or sabji.
    I wouldn't use the half cut tomato. No.
    I don't understand why someone would do this??
     
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