Relation With Dh And In-laws

Dear OP, you seem to writing in an agitated state. Throw these people out of your mind. If they are not living with you keep them don't worry about what they feel about you. Take rest. You need to sleep. I am also very agitated when sleep deprived. Hire some help for sometime. Take care.

 

Keep your mind busy with something else. I listen to audio books to stop worrying over things I can't control. As far as your husband is concerned...he may learn it the hard way or not at all. Men usually don't. So as long as his actions don't harm your family financially start ignoring his family. I don't discuss his family or mine for a long time with husband. Always results in some dreadful argument.

 

Dear op
I think your worrying about 3 issues
1.inlaws are trying to split both dil by complaining about you to her
2.black magic etc(may affect kids or your family happiness)
3.your co sister s not having already a formal relationship even if you try to work the relationship
My suggestion
1.u are in US,so don't bother about in-laws who back bite u.just try to maintain touch with them.like call on weekends etc.dony go I to too personal talking etc by this way we can avoid unnecessary family problems.still if they speak don't get affected.just ignore
2.nobody can keep black magic and spoil ur kids or your happiness.if you believe in God just pray for you family well-being.dont think or assume that they might have done that
God will take care.say some slogans or first can help you.
3.try to maintain a hi bye relationship.if she s not willing we can't do anything about it.she will understand your in-laws when she gets affected.so just be formal calls.font say anything bad about in-laws to her,that will create bad impression and let her learn about them.
Be happy,ignore about what people say in India. you have wonderful family and looks like your husband support s u.do don't take these headache.as time goes ur co sister will understand
Me and my co sister and my SIL s also like friends.but we boundaries on family matter
We speak other matters a lot (shopping,hair cuts,taking care of kids etc).
Since you're well settled people may get jealous you have to handle them
When ever you go to India get some affordable gifts . that s what we can do.
Forgot,forvive and move on

 

Its great that you have accepted your weakness, and feeling stable now.

Even then, your latest posts comes with loads of negativity; hence I feel it is better you resort to some counselling or therapy to feel normal. Else, it spoils your health and that of your hubby/kids.

In laws have done their duty as parents by taking care of your H and his siblings; hence they are here today as educated, settled human beings.
Now that they have the choice to help or not to help with their children depending on their comfort level.
If they are comfortable at your SIL's and Co-sis's place, then they would go out of the way to help with their kids and other chores. If they are not that happy and comfortable at your place, then they would return not much of helps.
But, regardless of their present helps and visit, it is your H's duty to respect and help them in their old age, as they are his parents - who have raised him.

If your co-sis doesn't reciprocate to your calls and greetings, then you must understand your place in her heart and move on. Don't try too hard to get some place in her heart. It is irrelevant.
Same goes with your SIL and PILs too. Just to keep the relationship alive, limit your interactions to hi-bye level.
But don't dictate your H's interactions with them. Let him chose how he wants to maintain his relationship with his people.

If you are worried about the fact that your H extends too much money to his people, then sit down with him, and revise your financial plan.
Make him understand your immediate family's needs. Sometimes, its not him, but probably you who lack the financial knowledge.
If your H earns enough, and spends enough for his immediate family and there are considerable savings, then there is nothing wrong with helping his brothers in need. That's called brotherhood.
Just because you have a bad relationship with your BIL/Co-sis, doesn't mean your H should react cold with his siblings when they are in need.

I thin you need support to clear all these accumulated negativity from your head to think normal. Perhaps, your postpartum make it troublesome.
Be careful if someone else (friend, mother, sister) is influencing... If so, let these external influence not to bother your decision making power

 

Yes, I accept this. The bitterness and pain will be there in the children's heart if at all there is some partiality. But such bitterness in their children's spouse is little too much, JMO. That too, if that affects her physical and mental health.
As a spouse, you can handle this in both ways.
1) If your husband is truly grieving and feeling bitter about the fact that his parents are biased, then you can stand by him. Show him loads of love to make him feel worthy and confidence. You can help him detach from his unworthy/unloving parents if that could make him feel better.
2) If your spouse doesn't believe that there is some partiality, then you can have an heart to heart discussion with him to know what exactly is that.
Each family is unique, and we really can't judge their love and affection based on certain behaviors alone.
You must trust your H as an adult, and his capacity to judge people, at least his people.
If he understands truth behind your concerns, then it is better.
If you understand the truth behind his/their affection, it is much much better.
If not, let him handle his people. You stay away from them.

Staying away from in laws mean, minimizing your interactions, your interference, and stop expectations from them at all.
Be it emotional, physical or financial support, please do not expect them from your in laws.
At the same time, you may consider not to provide any support to your in laws too.
You means YOU, and you alone.
Don't interfere if your H chose to help them physically, emotionally or financially as long as he does them within limits (I know that you both must have set some boundaries about your earning, saving & investment. If extended family needs some support, there is nothing wrong in extending them).

Having said that, there is no reason to feel bitter or sad or negative about your in laws for not loving your H as they love their other children. It is not your problem to lose your health and happiness.
If this problem makes you sad further, better you consult a counselor.

 

Hi meet9
I can understand your problem.please don't lose your peace of mind.dont think of these issues too much,whuch s never going to change
Each family problems exist but in different ways.inlaws problem will be there and please understand that you are not alone.atleast you don't have to live with them.here in India so many women struggle to handle them bcos they don't have husband support.we can never change and it will not be solved.better to forget and move on for your own happinesses
If you have given Money to your bil and he has not given means it will be difficult for you.you ve to explain to your husband since he is a good hearted brother who lends and never ask for the money.atlast God have mercy on you so that you are in a position to help others.
Take care of yourself and your family.leave other matters
My opinion.
Good luck